"FOLLOW ME"

COME WITH ME SHOUTS THE HAPPY CLOWN.

WE'VE BROUGHT A CIRCUS TO YOUR TOWN.

LIONS GIRAFfES AND MONKEYS TOO.

WHO ARE WAITING TO SHOW SOME TRICKS TO YOU.

BALLOONS STREAMERS AND ICE CREAM CONES.

ELEPHANTS SENDING OUT LOUD GROANS.

FOLLOW ME CHILDREN DOWN THE LANE.

HURRY BEFORE IT BEGINS TO RAIN.

JUGGLERS ACROBATS DOING THIER TRICKS.

CANDY FLOSS ALL COLOURS ON LONG STICKS.

COME ON COME ON HURRY ALONG.

HOP SKIP AND JUMP AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG.

SEATS GALORE FOR ONE AND ALL.

OLD AND YOUNG BIG AND SMALL.

BRING MUM AND DAD AND GRANDMA TOO.

TO SEE THE LAUGHING KANGAROO.

TIGERS LEAPING THROUGH HOOPS OF FIRE.

MONKEYS SWINGING ON BYCYCLE TIRES.

LADIES RIDING ON HORSES SO WHITE.

BALANCING ARTISTS ON ROPES PULLED TIGHT.

YOU'LL ALL HAVE A WODERFUL DAY FUL OF FUN.

"FOLLOW  ME" TO THE CIRCUS,BEFORE THE DAYS DONE.

 

"NEXT TIME ROUND"

I'M SOON TO DRAW MY PENSION.

I SOON MAY HAVE A STICK.

I CAR'NT BELIEVE HOW QUICK ITS GONE.

DUNT IT MAKE YA SICK.

I'D LIKE ONE OF THOSE SCOOTERS.

 FOR FLYING ROUND THE TOWN.

YOU KNOW THE ONES THAT PENSIONERS DRIVE.

THAT MOW YA FLIPPING  DOWN.

IV'E SENT OFF ALL MI FORMS AND STUFF.

FOR BUS PASS AND THE LIKE.

BUT IF I'M NOT ALLOWED ENOUGH .

I'LL HAVE TA GET A TRIKE.

COS THESE LEGS OF MINE ARE K--------.

THEY GO JUST WHEIR THEY WANT.

AND HERE YOU'LL SEE BIG LETTERS .

COS I CANNOT SEE THE FONT.

MY EYES HAVE GONE SO QUICKLY.

MY EARS HAVE HAD THIER DAY.

NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME .

THAT I'M IN A REAL BAD WAY.

ARTHRITIS IN MI FINGERS.

 KNEES AND TOES AND NECK.

AM DREADING GOING TO SEVENTY.

WHEN MI TEETHS GONE FLIPPING HECK!!

WHAT CHANCE HAVE I OF ANYTHING.

LOOKING JUST LIKE THIS.

IVE A FEELING BEST THING I SHOULD DO .

IS GET OUT ON THE P---.

BUT THEN AGAIN NOT LIKELY.

AS MI LEGS THEY JUST WONT JIG.

AND AL HAVE TA SAVE MI COPPERS.

TA BUY MI SEN A WIG.

FORGOT TO SAY MI HAIRS DROPPED OUT.

AND MI BOOBS ARE QUITE A FLOP.

MI WAISTLINES NIL MI BUMS THAT BIG.

NOWT FITS MI WHEN I SHOP

WHERE IS MY FAIRY GODMOTHER.

I NEED TO ASK HER PLEASE.

TO GIVE ME BACK MY BRAIN I PLEA.

COS IT'S GOT MORE HOLES THAN CHEESE.

BLIND DEAF DUM AND SENILE.

MY SPEACH IS PRETTY GRIM.

BUT I'M THANKFUL FOR SMALL MERCY'S

I DON'T HAVE TO SHAVE MY CHIN.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN MUCH BETTER.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN MUCH WORSE.

SO I THANK GOD EACH PASSING DAY.

FOR THE GIFT OF VERSE.

US WOMEN GET IT ALL YOU KNOW.

CHILDBIRTH CHANGE AND SUCH.

DON'T MAKE ANY WONDER.

IV'E GOT A DROOPING CRUTCH. 

SO NEXT TIME ROUND I PROMISE YOU. 

I'LL BE A MAN I THINK.

THEY HAVE THE LIFE OF RILEY

ALL THEY DO IS BLINK.

OR MAYBE AS A BUMBLE BEE.

AS I HAVE JUST KEPT TRACK. 

OF ALL THE ONES THAT HAVE STUNG ME.

THEN I CAN STING THEM BACK  LOL!!

 

"THE OLD CORNER SHOP"

SHE'S OFF ONCE AGAIN her  TROLLEY TO PUSH.

JUST STROLLING ROUND  NOT IN ANY RUSH.

IN GOES THE DAZ OR WILL IT BE SURF.

SHE DOESN'T SEEM BOTHERED HOW MUCH IT'S WORTH.

ON TO THE TINS NOW TO PICK UP SOME CURRY.

BEANS PEAS AND SOUP,STILL NOT IN NO HURRY.

THE TOILETRY ISLE IS JUST OVER THIER.

SHE SLOWLY WALKS ROUND GETS A RINSE FOR HER HAIR.

SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER,MAYBE SOME SPRAY.

THEN OUT OF DATE TABLE FOR BARGAIN OF DAY.

ON TO THE FISH NOW TO GET SOME NICE TROUT.

CHILD PICKS UP SWEETIES ,HURRAY HE DOES SHOUT.

ROUND TO THE NEXT ISLE TO GET SOME CORNFLAKES.

DOWN TO THE BAKEING TO PICK UP SOME CAKES.

SPIRITS  QUITE TEMPTING GIN RUM AND  SHERRY.

CHRISTMAS IN MIND TO MAKE HER GUESTS MERRY.

BRAZILS AND SOME WALNUTS SHE MUSTN'T FORGET.

GELLATINE FOR FLANS TO MAKE SURE THEY SET.

CURRANTS AND RAISINS CHERRIES AND  DATE.

TEABAGS  AND  BISCUITS  AND WHITE COFFEEMATE.

DON'T FORGET BUBBLE BATH FACECLOTH AND SPONGE.

BLEACH AND SOME MOUSSE TO CLEAN OFF THE GUNDGE.

TROLLEY GETS HIGHER RIGHT TO THE TOP.

SHE'S NOW JUST REMEMBERED SHE NEEDS A NEW MOP.

THEN MOVES TO MEAT  NICE SHOULDER OF LAMB.

ON TO THE HARDWARE  A NEW FRYING PAN.

A FEW CHICKEN LEGS AND A BARBEQUE GRID.

WHEN SHE GETS TO THE CHECKOUT SHE'LL NEED HUNDRED QUID.

OH! WHY DON'T THEY CLOSE THESE LARGE SUPERSTORES.

AND BRING BACK "THE OLD CORNER SHOP" JUST NEXT DOOR.

THESE  STORES  ARE JUST MAKEING HER POORER EACH DAY.

BRING BACK THE "PLEASANT AND SMALL" DOWN OUR WAY.

SHE'S GOT TO THE TILL NOW AND POPS IN  HER CARD.

 SHOUTS OH! I NEED CD'S .OF  MUSIC  IV'E HEARD.

HER BANK'S  OVERDRAWN RIGHT OVER THE TOP.

BUT NOT WHEN SHE SHOPPED AT  "THE OLD CORNER SHOP".

 

 

 

 

 

"MY VISITOR"

I arrived home one evening,around about eight.

Thought I'd leave early from friends not too late.

When i entered the door, I scensed something wrong.

Inner doors were ajar,so It didint take long.

To dash to the kitchen as fast  As could be.

Yes just as I thought kitchen window forced free.

The visitor had called to my dismay.

I knew this would happen I seemed to say.

Why do they enter our homes when we're out.

Thev'e no right to snoop and wander about.

If they needed some money or other good things.

Why burgle when knowing my front doorbell rings.

If they are so brave then why don't they ask.

Not break In so cheeky,gloves stocking or mask.

If only they realised what harm that they do.

To peoples lives just makeing us blue.

Searching through cuboards drawers and the like.

Bagging up everything they see In sight.

I gave up my home for these mindless sluts.

Who have no heart or have no guts.

Thier sick and weak with certainly no bottle.

What they realy wants a real good throttle.

But one day I'll find out who visited me.

When I went out visiting for my tea.

And when I do it's woe betide them.

They'll have to face up  to a few policemen.

Who are hopeing and waiting for just the right time.

To send these sick culprits right down the line.

But now Iv'e got back a great peace of mind.

Cos Iv'e moved well away from The thieving kind.

SO next time I visit my friends for tea.

These thieves will be under lock and key.

 

"YOUVE DONE A GOOD JOB"

I SET MYSELF A TASK SOME DRAWERS TO REMOVE.

FROM MY OLD KITCHEN  I WANTED TO PROVE.

THAT I COULD DO  BETTER THAN MANY A MAN.

THEN WHEN FRIENDS CALLED ROUND I WOULD SHOW THEM MY  PLAN.

YOUVE DONE A GOOD JOB THERE! THEY'D SAY "WAS IT HARD".

OH! NO! I'D REPLY BUT I WERN'T ON MY GUARD.

YOU SEE THEY WERE NAILED DOWN WITH LONG ONES SIX INCH.

SO I TOOK UP THE CROWBAR AND THOUGHT WHAT A SINCH.

I PULLED AND I TUGGED BUT THEY STILL WOULDN'T FREE.

SO I GOT DOWN BELOW ON MY BENDED KNEE.

FIRST TO THE LEFT AND THEN TO THE RIGHT.

MY FRIEND WATCHING ON THINKING OH! WHAT A SIGHT.

SHE'S LOOKING CONCERNED AND SAYS CAN I HELP?

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I LET OUT A YELP.

Oh! DEAR!  SHOUTS MY FRIEND WHATEVERS GONE WRONG.

IS IT THE NAILS THAT ARE FAR TOO LONG.

NO! NO! I REPLIED LOOKING ALOOF.

IV'E  NUTTED THE WALL AND SMASHED OUT MY TOOTH.

SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE ME UNTIL I TURN ROUND.

FRONT tOOTH IN  HAND NOT MAKEING A SOUND.

MY FRIENDS IN HYSTERICS SHE SHOUTS OUT "MY GOD".

IT'S THE DRAWERS YOU WANT OUT,

NOT YOUR TOOTH YOU DAFT SOD.

I KNOW I REPLY BUT BEGGAR THE TOOTH.

I'LL FINISH THE JOB TO GIVE THEM  SOME PROOF.

THAT A WOMEN CAN DO IT I REALY  INSIST.

THEN I'LL GET ON THE BLOWER AND RING THE DENTIST.

A BIG EMPTY GAP WHEN I GO TO MY  WORK.

EACH TIME I DO SMILE I'LL LOOK A RIGHT BURK.

SO NEXT TIME I SET MYSELF AN HARD TASK.

I'LL GET ALL GEARED UP IN A STAINLESS STEEL MASK.

AND THEN WHEN IV'E FINISHED I'LL LOOK JUST THE SAME.

NOT TOOTHLESS  PUFFED LIPS AND ALL FULL OF PAIN. 

PS. THIS IS ACTUALLY A TRUE STORY.LOL!!

"TRY KEEP IT CLEAN"

Crisp packets cans and  paper the lot.

Scattered around on every plot.

Wherever we walk on our streets today.

Waste everywhere what can one say.

This generation are getting so bad.

I'ts very worrying and oh! so sad.

Our towns are disgusting with rubbish galore.

They just throw it down and around on the floor

I've been quite concerned about this recently.

And the problem gets worse for all to see.

If only they'd give the subject a thought.

And place it in bins for the council to sort.

It wouldn't take up much effort or time.

To place in thier pockets that would be fine.

They could then disgard it when passing a bin.

Not throw it away on the floor with a grin.

The streets look appauling all over the place.

It brings me much saddness, puts frowns on my face.

I'm sure you'll agree that without this waste.

Lying around so lazily placed.

Our towns would look nicer and more healthy too.

As rubbish brings vermin and deceases  true.

Wev'e got to get down to this problem i'm sure.

It looks so third world like and ever so poor.

Rats running round everywhere we now see.

They'll cross over gardens while eating our tea.

They'll bE IN OUR HOMES AND WILL YOU LIKE THAT.

SOME ARE AS BIG AS MY NEXT DOORS CAT.

WE WILL SEE EPEDEMICS OF WEASLES DESEASE.

SO PICK UP YOUR RUBBISH I DO ASK YOU PLEASE.

IT'S NOT JUST THE YOUNG ONES TO BLAME FOR IT ALL.

SOME ADULTS HOARD RUBBISH OUTSIDE LARGE AND SMALL.

LEAVING IT THIER FOR MONTHS AT A TIME.

THE LAW SHOULD FINE THEM AS IT BEING A CRIME.

WE ALL KNOW THE COUNCIL COLLECT IT FOR FREE.

SO PICK UP THE PHONE AND RING THEM I PLEA.

LETS GET OUR STREETS AND TOWN LOOKING CLEAN.

AND SPOTLESS AGAIN A NICE SIGHT TO BE SEEN.

IF THE RATS GET NO TIT BITS AND THINGS TO CHEW ON.

IT WOULDN'T TAKE LONG BEFORE THEY'D BE GONE.

SO DON'T THROW YOUR RUBBISH AROUND ON THE FLOOR.

LETS HAVE ALL OUR STREETS SO TIDY ONCE MORE.

WE'LL THEN HAVE A TOWN TO BE PROUD OF AGAIN.

AND MY RHYME WILL HAVE NOT BEEN WRITTEN IN VAIN.

"A JOB THAT I LOVE"

Today I'm about to undertake.

A job that I love I'm going to bake.

Get out ingrediants  and paper cases.

My currants to make  some gingerbread faces.

I'll need the ground rice and coconut too.

My colouring agents pink and blue.

Milk and sugar flour and cream.

Eggs and jam and some margarine.

Rolling pin tart cutters bakeing bowl.

Almonds chopped up or maybe whole.

Fruit sliced up and washed and dry.

For a nice large family apple  pie.

Scrub down the worktop before I start.

First to make a large plate jam tart.

Whisk up the eggs for the fairy cakes.

To top with coconut like snowflakes.

When baked and cooked in the oven red hot.

I'll ice them and place a cherry on top.

Roll out my pastry to now cut in rings.

Musn't forget to grease the tins.

Rub together marg  sugar and flour.

For hot buttered scones to taste in an hour.

Chop up some bacon tomato and cheese.

Add eggs  fresh  cream and i'll make a nice quiche.

Gather the bits left over dont waste.

The birdtable calls for all to taste.

All cooled down on the bakeing rack.

Get out the boxes to gently pack.

I'll freeze some of them so they don't go off.

Then when company calls they'll have plenty to scoff.

Utensils washed up and all put away.

I'm ready now for next bakeing day.

The goodies  stacked  high in wall unit  above.

Today i've enjoyed doing "A JOB THAT I LOVE".