"SATURDAY NIGHT OUT"
ONCE AGAIN I'M GOING BACK MANY YEARS TO WHEN I WAS JUST A TEEN.
IT'S A TALE ABOUT GETTING HOME LATE AND DAD WONDERING WHERE WE HAD BEEN.
TURNED EIGHTEEN AND OLD ENOUGH NOW TO GO OUT TO THE CLUBS.
ME AND MY MATES EACH SATURDAY NIGHT WOULD CRAWL AROUND THE PUBS.
WELL ONE WEEK WE MET TWO NICE LADS WHO ASKED US FOR A DATE.
THEY WERN'T FROM OUR OWN LOCAL TOWN BUT A CITY WE WERE TOLD WAS GREAT.
SO THEY ARRANGED TO MEET US ONE SATURDAY NIGHT AND OFF TO THERE CITY WE'D GO.
ON THE BUS TO THERE PLACE TO HAVE A FEW JIVES OR SO.
YES DO YOU REMEMBER THE MECCA FANTASTIC THE BIG DANCE HALL .
WE WERE TOLD THAT IT WAS FABULOUS YOU COULD REALY HAVE A BALL.
WE DRESSED UP LIKE TWO POP STARS ME AND MY MATE WE LOOKED FAB.
BEFORE WE GOT ON THE BUS TO SET OFF PLENTY WOLF WHISTLES WE'D HAD.
ARRIVED AT THE MECCA AND MET THESE GUYS MINE WAS AN ELVIS DOUBLE
A WARNING BEFORE I SET OFF FROM HOME MY DAD SAID STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.
ALL NIGHT LONG WE BOTH DRANK AND JIVED JIGGING ABOUT SO FAST.
WHEN MY FRIEND SAID KATH WE HAVE TO LEAVE OR WE'LL MISS OUR BUS IT'S THE LAST.
SO WE SAID OUR GOODBYES TO THE TWO GUYS AND ARRANGED TO MEET THEM AGAIN.
SET OFF RUNNING IN OUR STILLETTO'S DOWN THIS VERY DARK LANE.
HALF WAY DOWN WE COULD SEE THE BUS WHEN WE LOOKED IT WAS STARTING OUT.
ON IT'S LAST HOMEWARD JOURNEY SO WE BOTH BEGAN TO SHOUT.
I WAS WAVING MY ARMS AND SHOUTING VERY LOUD AT THE TOP OF MY VOICE.
STOP!!! BUT THE BUS JUST LEFT US AND THEN I HEARD A LOUD NOISE.
WE WERE BOTH REALY WORRIED WE'D MISSED IT THEN AGAIN THIS CHUGGING SOUND.
MY FRIEND SAID LOOK WHATS COMING KATH AND SO I TURNED AROUND.
A BRIGHT LIGHT SHONE ON TOP OF IT THEN SLOWLY CAME UP NEAR.
THIS BLOKE PUT HIS HEAD THROUGH THE WINDOW AND SAID CAN I HELP YOU TWO DEAR.
MY FRIEND SAID YES WE NEED A LIFT ABOUT TEN MILES OR SO.
OK!! HE SAID COME ON CLIMB UP I'LL TAKE YOU HOME BUT SLOW.
HA! HA! WE COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING WE WERE SAT WAY UP HIGH ABOVE GROUND.
YES IN THE COUNCIL ROADSWEEPER WHICH TRAVELS ALL AROUND TOWN. (HA).
THE NOISE IT WAS OVERPOWERING CHUG CHUG CHUGGING ALONG.
SO THEN MY MATE DECIDED TO GIVE THE DRIVER A SONG.
DON'T FORGET WE'D HAD A FEW DRINKS AND OUT FOR A BIT OF FUN.
"SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME" SHE SANG AND I JOINED IN AND HUMMED. (HA).
AGES IT SEEMED WE HAD TRAVELLED IN THIS SWEEPER AS YOU WELL KNOW.
ABOUT FIVE MILES AN HOUR THESE FLIPPING THINGS ARE SLOW.
BUT WE HAD NO MONEY LEFT FOR TAXI'S SO A GOD SEND WAS THIS LIFT.
SO WE HAD TO ACCEPT THIS OFFER IT REALY WAS A GIFT.
WELL MY FRIEND SAID TO THE DRIVER I AM COLD CAN I BORROW YOUR COAT.
HE SAID YES DO WHAT YOU WANT IT'S NOT MINE BUT A GUY WHO WORKS HERE AND DOTES.
ON YOUNG GIRLS LIKE YOU AND OTHER WOMEN AND HIS WIFES TRYING TO FIND SOME PROOF.
IF HE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE AND WE BOTH LOOKED AT HIM ALOOF.
IT WAS HUNG ON A HOOK INSIDE THE CAB SO MY FRIEND SHE LIFTED IT DOWN.
POPPED IT OVER HER SHOULDERS AND WRAPPED IT ALL AROUND.
OH! CAROL I SAID I'M VERY LATE MYDAD WILL RING MY NECK.
SHE REPLIED OH! DON'T WORRY KATH WE'VE HAD A LAUGH NEVER MIND WHAT THE HECK.
WELL FINALLY WE DID MAKE IT AND THE TOP OF OUR ROAD WE WENT.
CHUG CHUG CHUGGING LAUGHING AGAIN THE ROADSWEEPER A RACKET IT SENT.
OUT VERY LOUD AND A LIGHT CAME ON IN A BEDROOM AND THEN THERE WERE TWO.
VOICES WERE SHOUTING FROM WINDOWS CAN YOU MAKE A LESS NOISE OUT THERE YOU.
I LOOKED AT CAROL AND WE BOTH BURST OUT LAUGHING OUR LIDS OFF VERY LOUD.
WHEN THE DRIVER SHOUTED I'M DOING A GOOD DEED FOR TWO GIRLS I FEEL VERY PROUD.
I'M TAKING THEM BOTH HOME SAFELY SO GET IN AND STOP MAKING A FUSS.
THEYV'E BEEN TO THE MECCA IN THE CITY SO YOU SEE THEY HAVE MISSED THE LAST BUS.
IV'E NEVER LAUGHED AS MUCH IN MY LIFE AS CAROL SAID OH! OH! NO!.
SHE WAS STRETCHING TO LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW WHEN SHE FELT HER SUSPENDER BELT GO. (HA).
THE GUY SAID WHATS THE MATTER LOVE SHE REPLIED OH! NOTHING I'M FINE.
SHE SAID OH! KATH I HOPE WE ARE GOING TO BE HOME IN A VERY SHORT TIME.
SHE SAID KATH YOU SEE I'M IN TROUBLE I TOOK OFF MY STOCKINGS AT THE CLUB.
SO WHEN I STAND UP MY SUSSY WILL DROP DOWN AND SHE WRIGGLED AS MUCH AS SHE COULD.
TO TRY AND TAKE IT OFF IN THE CAB TO PUT IN HER HANDBAG YOU SEE.
THEN SHE NUDGED ME AND SAID IV'E DONE IT KATH AT LAST I'M FLIPPING FREE.
SHE WISPERED IT'S BEEN KILLING ME ALL NIGHTLONG ON THE FLOOR.
THEN WE CAME TO A HALT AND THE DRIVER GOT OUT AND CAMEROUND AND OPENED THE DOOR.
YOUR HOME NOW GIRLS HE SHOUTED IVE A VERY LONG JOURNEY BACK NOW.
SO WE JUMPED OUT AND AS WE DID SO MY STILLETTO HEEL BROKE SOMEHOW.
AAAH!! I SHOUTED TO CAROL IV'E JUST BROKE THE HEEL OFF MY SHOE.
GOODNIGHT SAID THE DRIVER I'M OFF NOW YOUR A PAIR OF NUTTERS YOU TWO . (HA).
WELL CAROL LET OUT THIS VERY LOUD SOUND WHOO! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO.
AS THE ROADSWEEPER TURNED AROUND AND PASSED I SAID WHATS UP WITH YOU.
SHE SAID IVE' LEFT HIS MATES WIFE SOME PROOF THAT HE IS HAVING AFFAIRS.
AND SHE THREW AWAY HER STOCKINGS THEY WENT FLOATING INTO THE AIR. (HA).
THEY'D HOOKED ONTO THE SIDE OF THE TRUCK AND I ALMOST COLLAPSED AND DIED .
I COULDN'T GET MY BREATH FOR LAUGHING AT THE STOCKINGS DANGLING BESIDE.
HER SUSSY SHE'D HID IN HIS POCKET NOW ALL HER LEGS WERE BARE (HA)
AND THIS PAIR OF STOCKINGS WAVING ABOUT ALL OVER IN THE AIR.
WELL I ROLLED ABOUT LIKE A KELLY THOUGH I FELT MORE LIKE HOPALONG.
(CASSIDY) HA!! AS I WOBBLED DOWN HOME AND CAROL WAS SINGING HER SONG.
"SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME"I'M TIRED AND I WANT TO GO TO BED.
I HAD AN IDEA ABOUT TEN MINUTES AGO AND IT'S GONE RIGHT TO MY HEAD.
NO MATTER WHERE I ROAM,ON LAND OR SEA OR FOAM.
I WILL ALWAYS REMEBER FINDING TONIGHT MY SUSPENDER BELT A NEW HOME.
HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! WE LAUGHED AS WE REACHED OUR DOOR.
WHEN WE GOT INSIDE WE BOTH COLLAPSED WITH LAUGHTER ON THE FLOOR.
DAD HE WAS IN A GOOD MOOD THANK GOODNESS AND SAID OH! I'M GLAD YOU ARE HOME.
DID YOU GET A TAXI GIRLS I WAS JUST ABOUT TO PHONE.
THE LOCAL POLICE I WAS WORRIED BUT I HEARD YOUR LAUGHTER AND SO.
I THOUGHT OH! THERE HERE AT LAST AND NOW OFF TO MY BED I WILL GO.
I CALLED OUT SORRY WE'RE LATE DAD AND WHISPERED NEAR CAROLS CHEEK.
IN THE ROADSWEEPER WE CAME HOME DIDN'T WE ARE WE GOING THERE NEXT WEEK. (HA).
SHE BID ME GOODNIGHT AND ANSWERED YES BUT I'M GOING OUT IN MY TIGHTS.
COS I DON'T LIKE LOSING SUSPENDER BELTS TO ROADSWEEPERS WIVES SATURDAY NIGHTS (HA! )
I HOPE YOUV'E ENJOYED MY TALE I HAVE TOLD OF ANOTHER OF MY PAST TIMES.
IV'E TRIED TO START OUT 2007 WITH A LAUGH IN "MY SIMPLE RHYMES".
HAAAAAAA!!!
