"NEVER AT HOME OF LATE"

 

     

 

 

WELL I THOUGHT IT TIME TO POST AGAIN IN BETWEEN MY BREAKS.

 

AS I'M GOING AWAY AGAIN FOLKS THIS WEEKEND FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

 

I'M NEVER AT HOME OF LATE FRIENDS I'M ALWAYS GADDING ABOUT.

 

MY CLOTHES ARE NEVER HUNG LONG ENOUGH FROM A SUITCASE IV'E BEEN LIVING OUT.

 

SO A TALE I DECIDED TO TELL YOU AND A THOUGHT THAT CAME TO MY MIND.

 

ONE WHICH I COULDN'T BYPASS AS I KNOW YOU LIKE THE OLD KIND.

 

SO I'M POSTING TODAY AGAIN QUICKLY FOLKS BUT THEN I'LL BE OFF AGAIN.

 

TOMORROW SO MISSING ONCE MORE FOR A WHILE SORRY I'M SUCH A PAIN.

 

THAT I CANNOT GET TO COMMENTING FOR WASHING AND IRONING YOU SEE.

 

EACH TIME I GET HOME THERES LOTS TO DO SO PLEASE WILL YOU FORGIVE ME.

 

WELL I BUMPED INTO AN OLD NEIGHBOUR  OF MINE THE OTHER DAY  AND SHE.

 

WAS OVER THE MOON TO SEE ME AGAIN AND SHE REMINISCED WITH ME.

 

ABOUT WHEN I WAS THE LOCAL BARMAID AND HOW MUCH FUN WE HAD.

 

SHE SAID SINCE THEN HOW TIMES HAD CHANGED AND NOW THEY ARE REAL BAD.

 

KATH WHEN WE GO TO THE LOCAL NOW THERES KNOWONE THERE WE KNOW.

 

AND MY HUBBY AND I WE OFTEN CHAT OF TIMES OF LONG AGO.

 

WE WERE ONLY SAYING THE OTHER  NIGHT  I WONDER WHERE IS KATH.

 

HOW MUCH WE ENJOYED GOING OUT THEN  AND HOW MUCH YOU MADE US LAUGH.

 

YES I REPLIED  I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN TIMES ARN'T THE SAME  TODAY.

 

IV'E MISSED MY JOB AS A BARMAID AND I'M HEARING WHAT YOU SAY.

 

PEOPLE CANNOT AFFORD TO GO OUT AND DRINK LIKE THEY USED TO DO.

 

MOST OF THEM DRINK IN THE HOME NOWADAYS OR GO TO A BARBECUE.

 

BUT IT'S NOT THE SAME AS THE OLD TIMES WHEN WE WOULD GET UP FOR A DANCE.

 

POPPING OUR MONEY IN THE OLD JUKE BOX WITH  A BAG OF CRISPS IN OUR HAND.

 

OR MAYBE A PACKET OF SALTED PEANUTS TELLING JOKES BY THE SCORE.

 

WE LAUGHED AND SANG UNTIL THE NIGHT ENDED AND OUR THROATS WOULD END UP  SORE.

 

THEN CAME THE HOKEY COKEY PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT IN WE WOULD SHOUT .

 

THEN PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT OUT GALS  AND SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT.

 

YES THOSE WERE THE DAYS MY FRIEND I SAID ISN'T IT GREAT TO LOOK BACK.

 

AND THINK OF ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD I'D LOVE TO GO BACK DOWN THAT TRACK.

 

WELL I HAVE BEEN THINKING LATELY I WONDER IF I COULD FIND.

 

SOME OF THE GALS AND GUYS I DRANK  WITH AND ASK THEM IF THEY WOULDN'T MIND.

 

HAVING SOME SORT OF RE-UNION IT WOULD BE THE BEST NIGHT YET.

 

IF I COULD FIND THEM  I'D GUARANTEE THEY WOULD ALL TURN UP YOU BET.

 

I SOMETIMES WISH US J/LANDERS COULD ALL ARRANGE A NICE TRIP .

 

AND SAVE AS MUCH AS WE COULD TO MEET UP AND DO A FEW TWIRLS AND FLIP.

 

THE NIGHT AWAY FANTASTIC NOW WOULDN'T THAT BE SOME FUN.

 

CHATTING TO ONE ANOTHER FACE TO FACE UNTIL THE NIGHT WAS DONE.

 

I DON'T SEE WHY WE COULDN'T DO IT  IF WE TRIED BY PHONE TO ARRANGE.

 

A MEETING PLACE CENTRAL TO WHERE WE ALL LIVED  A WEEKEND AWAY FOR A CHANGE.

 

SOMEONE TO BE THE ORGANISER  IF WE COULD RELY ON THEM .

 

TO BOOK A HOTEL WITH A  GOOD REPUTATION MAKE OUR OWN WAY THERE AND THEN . 

 

WHEN WE ALL ARRIVED WE'D BE LAUGHING AND CHATTING AND IN OUR GLORY WE'D BE.

 

A SING SONG TOGETHER OF ALL THE OLD SONGS DRESSED UP IN OUR FINERY. HE-HE.

 

EACH PRINT A SONG OUT ON PAPER AND BRING IT ALONG IF YOU LIKE .

 

I DON'T THINK IT WOULD BE MUCH TROUBLE I'D STAND UP AND TAKE THE MIKE.

 

AND  INTRODUCE " THE  ZIMMER GANG CHOIR " I THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD NAME. HE-HE

 

YES I CAN IMAGINE IT ALL IN MY MIND VERY VERY PLAIN.  

 

AMERICA AND BRITAINS GOT TALENT I KNOW WOULDN'T HAVE A LOOK IN.

 

WE WOULD ALL HAVE A GOLDEN  BALL AND  TELL JASPER IT WOULDN'T BE ONE TO BIN. HE-HE.

 

A GOOD LAUGH AND A DRINK TOGETHER IF IT ONLY BE A FRUIT JUICE .

 

THEN MAYBE A TRIP ROUND THE SHOPS NEXT MORNING  BEFORE WE RETURN TO CHOOSE.

 

A GIFT TO TAKE HOME TO OUR LOVED ONES WELL WE HAVE TO KEEP THE PEACE. HE-HE.

 

THATS IF WE ALL BEHAVED OURSELVES AND ENDED UP ALL IN ONE PIECE. HE-HE.

 

BUT KNOWING ME THE  WALKING DISASTER IT MAKES ME THINK TWICE SOMETIMES .

 

 I'M SAFER ON HOLIDAY WITH ROOSTER OR SAT WRITING   " MY SIMPLE  RHYMES"  HE-HE.

 

 " KNEES UP MOTHERHEN NOT MOTHERBROWN " HE-HE !!!!

 

  

                     

 

  "  CATCH YOU WHEN I GET BACK HOPE YOU ARE ALL WELL " !!!!

                

 

      

 

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" NIGHTMARE ON HELL STREET"

 

             

 

          

 

IV'E BEEN ON HOLIDAY AGAIN FOLKS AND WHAT A NIGHTMARE IT WAS.

 

THE HEAVENS THEY OPENED EACH DAY AND EVENING SO I WAS AT A LOSS.

 

JUST HOW TO SPEND MY TIME IN MY RAINCAP WATERPROOFS AND WADERS YOU SEE.

 

I'M A SUNSHINE GODESS SO THE WEATHER FOR STARTERS REALY BUGGED ME.

 

I ARRIVED AT THE HOTEL EXCITED AND WAS GREETED WITH NEWS THAT THE LIFT.

 

WAS BROKEN DOWN AND IT ALL TURNED OUT I WAS ON THE SIXTH FLOOR WHAT A SHIFT.

 

CLIMBING SIXTY  OR MORE STAIRS TO GET TO MY HOTEL ROOM.

 

WHEN I ENTERED I'D NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT MY HEART IT DROPPED WITH A BOOM !!!!!

 

THE MANAGERESS THEN CALLED OUT WE HAVE A LIFT YOU CAN USE.

 

THIS WAS THE CLEANING SERVICE STAFF LIFT SO LOTS OF US WERN'T AMUSED.

 

FOLLOW ME SHE CRIED OUT TO EVERYONE I'LL SHOW YOU THE WAY TO GO.

 

DOWN LOTS OF LONG DARK PASSAGES BINS LADEN WITH WASHING AND SO.

 

ONE LADY SHOUTS OUT IT'S LIKE THE THIRD WORLD DIRTY WITH BINS FULL OF WASTE.

 

WELL MOTHERHEN WASN'T HAVING THIS SO I KICKED UP A RUMPUS IN HASTE.

 

WHO DO YOU THINK YOUR KIDDING I SAID THE SIGHT OF THIS JUST MAKES ME SICK.

 

YOU BETTER SEND FOR AN ENGINEER TO MEND THE BROKEN LIFT QUICK.

 

WEV'E SPENT ALL OUR MOULA ON THIS HOLIDAY AND WE ALL EXPECT MUCH MORE.

 

NOT TO BE GAZING AT DIRTY BED LINEN AND FOODSTUFFS LYING ROUND ON THE FLOOR.

 

WASTE FROM THE KITCHEN ETC IT'S DISGUSTING I'M LIVID I SAID.

 

MY HEART HAD SUNK I WAS FEELING DEPRESSED IT WAS LIKE A LUMP OF LEAD.

 

THE GROUNDS WERE FLOODED AS I PEEKED OUT I KNOW THAT IF I'D HAD MY ROD.

 

AND MADE A CATCH I'M SURE I 'D HAVE SLAPPED HER ROUND THE FACE WITH RAW COD. HE-HE !

 

APOLOGIES NOT ACCEPTED BY ME I ANSWERED YOU KNEW ALL US PEOPLE HAD BOOKED.

 

AND THIS IS THE WRONG HOTEL I SNAPPED WHEN I HAD TAKEN A LOOK.

 

AT THE BROCHURE WHICH I TOOK WITH ME HOW DARE YOU TRY TO FOB.

 

ALL THESE OLD PEOPLE WITH YOUR EXCUSES MOTHERHEN SHE WILL NOT BE ROBBED.

 

IT TURNED OUT THE HOTEL WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN WAS DOUBLE BOOKED AND WAS FULL.

 

SO THEY'D PUT US ALL IN THERE PARTNER ONE WHICH WAS MISERABLE DIRTY AND DULL.

 

THE FOOD WAS AS BAD JUST TERRIBLE THE BACON AND MEAT LIKE LEATHER.

 

BY THE SECOND DAY I WAS SEATHING AND AT THE END OF MY TETHER.

 

THE PORRIDGE ETC WAS COLD AS ICE THE EGGS WERE SWIMMING IN OIL.

 

THE VEGETABLES HAD NEVER SEEN A COOKER OR EVER BEEN PAR BOILED.

 

WHAT A NIGHTMARE I TELL YOU FRIENDS THEN  TO TOP IT ALL WE FOUND OUT.

 

IN THIS HOTEL NO ENTERTAINMENT SO PLENTY GUESTS SANG LULU'S "SHOUT".

 

ON ENQUIRING THE POSITION OF THE HOTEL AND WAS IT NEAR THE BAY.

 

IT WAS MILES OUT FROM THE SEASHORE AND TO WALK THERE TOO FAR NO WAY.

 

TAXI'S WERE VERY EXPENSIVE NO COURTESY BUS GOING THERE.

 

VISIONS OF ME  GAZING OUT AT THE DOWNPOUR FROM THE SIXTH FLOOR I SWEAR.

 

MY HEART IT WAS ACHING ALONG WITH ALL OTHERS THEN CAME A TEXT ON MY PHONE.

 

FROM MY SON MY BEST FRIENDS HUBBY HAD DIED SUDDEN SO I WISHED I WAS GOING HOME.

 

WELL HEARTBROKEN I JUST CRIED AND CRIED AND THOUGHT WELL I MUST NOW TRY.

 

AND MAKE THE BEST OF WHATEVERS TO BE  NOTHING WILL CHANGE IF I CRY.

 

SO IV'E WRITTEN A LETTER WELL MORE OF A BOOK FRIENDS OF COMPLAIN TO THE COMPANY TODAY.

 

AND I'M GOING TO TRY TO CONTACT THE PROGRAM "HOLIDAYS FROM HELL" LET ME SAY.

 

THIS WASN'T SOME CHEAPY HOLIDAY AND  THERE NOT RIPPING MOTHERHEN OFF.

 

SO SORRY I'M BACK WITH YOU MOANING AND GROANING BUT I THINK IV'E REASON TO SCOFF.

 

WASN'T I GLAD WHEN  ON HOME GROUND AT LAST THE WEATHER WAS FINE.

 

NOW I'M BACK ONCE AGAIN BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW OFTEN WRITING "MY SIMPLE RHYMES".

 

                

      "  I HAVE MISSED YOU ALL I HOPE YOU ARE ALL WELL!!! "