"WAKEY WAKEY"

 

 

     

              WAKEY WAKEY!!

 

I WAS FEELING MUCH BETTER TUESDAY FRIENDS SO SOME GARDENING TO

DO I THOUGHT.

 

I HAD LEFT IT FOR OVER A WEEK NOW SO I REALY THOUGHT THAT I OUGHT.

 

SO I'M TRYING ANOTHER POSTING TODAY THANKYOU FOR ALL YOUR TIPS .

 

AND SUGGESTIONS ON MY GLASSES PROBLEM HAVE YOU GOT ANY FOR FAT LIPS.

 

COS I TROD ON MY GARDEN RAKE ACCIDENTLY  AND UP CAME THE RUDDY STAKE.

 

IT HIT ME A BULLS EYE ON FOREHEAD AND MOUTH TO MAKE SURE I WAS WIDE AWAKE.

 

I PICKED UP THE RAKE FRIENDS AND  THREW IT THE LENGTH OF THE FLIPPING LAWN.

 

SWEARING AND CURSING I FELT QUITE DAZED NOT KNOWING IF NIGHT TIME OR DAWN.

 

MY MOUTH IT STARTED TO THROB AND ACHE SO I WENT INDOORS TO LOOK.

 

GOODNESS ME A PAIR OF  CAR INNERTUBES FROM A MOTORISTS BOOK.

 

           

   

 

I GRINNED IN THE MIRROR TO CHECK TO SEE IF ALL MY TEETH WERE INTACT.

 

THANK GOODNESS THEY WERE BUT A LUMP LIKE AN EGG ON MY FOREHEAD WAS NOW THERE IN FACT.

 

IT EVEN CAUGHT MY LEFT BREAST AS IT FLEW UP SO I FEEL I'VE BEEN IN THE WARS.

 

SORE EYE SORE NOSE TWO FAT LIPS SORE BREAST NOT MENTIONING ALL OTHER FLAWS.

 

MY MIND THEN TURNED TO THE ROOSTER AS THIS WEEK HE BOUGHT ME A STRIMMER.

 

NO FEAR I AM NOT USING THAT NOW OR THINGS MIGHT END UP MUCH GRIMMER.

 

KNOWING MY LUCK I'D PROBABLY END UP STRIMMING MY TOES OFF BOTH FEET.

 

INSTEAD OF THE LONG GRASS AT THE EDGES TRYING TO MAKE IT NEAT.

 

SO IT LOOKS LIKE SOLITARY CONFINEMENT AGAIN I CARN'T GO OUT LOOKING LIKE THIS.

 

FOLKS WILL THINK I HAVE FELL FROM THE SKY OR KEELED OVER COMING HOME P------ HE-HE.

 

I CARN'T SAY HOW I AM MANAGEING TO LAUGH AS I'M FEELING SO LOW.

 

EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WRONG AM I ROTTING I REALY DON'T KNOW.

 

WELL ANYWAY I HAVE DECIDED I'M SURELY NOT GOING TO BE BET.

 

SO IV'E SHOOK  MY FEATHERS THIS MORNING  FOLKS RELAXED AND I'M READY TO GET.

 

BACK READING AND COMMENTING AND THE GARDEN IS JUST GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT.

 

BECAUSE TRYING A BIT OF GARDENING I HAVE ENDED UP IN A  WORSE STATE.

 

I WAS TOLD IN MY EARLY DAYS OF J/LAND I WAS A WALKING DISASTER.

 

IT'S A WONDER MY BODY ISN'T ALL COVERED FROM TOP TO TOE IN PLASTER .

 

SO THE RAKE IS IN THE DOG HOUSE NOW AND THE STRIMMER I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

 

THE GREEN GRASS  IS WET THROUGH IT'S POURING DOWN SO I'LL JUST IGNORE LET IT GROW.

 

IV'E A PLASTER ACCROSS THE BRIDGE OF MY NOSE SO MY GLASSES CANNOT RUB.

 

THE BRUISE ON MY HEAD IS COVERED IN  MARGARINE IV'E RUBBED ON FROM THE TUB.  HE-HE

 

MY MICK JAGGER RUBBER LIPS  WILL GO DOWN GIVEN A LITTLE TIME.

 

SO I THINK I AM BETTER OFF SAT AT THE POOTER WRITING " MY SIMPLE RHYMES"  HE-HE.

 

 

                  

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"GONE AGAINST DOCTORS ORDERS"

 

       

           

                                  

 IV'E GONE AGAINST DOCTORS ORDERS DOING THIS POST TODAY.

 

DON'T GO ON THE COMPUTER WAS ONE THING HE HAD TO SAY.

 

YOU SEE I HAVE A BAD EYE MY FRIENDS NO I HAVN'T BEEN IN A SCRAP.  HE-HE

 

IT LOOKS LIKE I HAVE AND ALSO I HAVE A SORE NOSE LAUGHING KATH.

 

FIRST LET ME SAY I'M  ALERGIC TO METAL AND SO THATS WHY MY NOSE.

 

IS REALY SORE FROM WEARING MY SPECS FOR READING AND WRITING MY PROSE.

 

THE TINY BITS WHICH REST ON THE NOSE ARE METAL SO PROLONGED USE.

 

OF MY GLASSES MAKE THE LUMP ON MY NOSE AND IT'S INFLAMED AND I'M CONFUSED.

 

AS IV'E BEEN TO SEE THE OPTICIAN AND HE CARN'T FIND ANYTHING WRONG .

 

WITH MY EYE NOR HAS THE DOCTOR YET IT'S GLAZED ALL THE TIME AND STINGS STRONG.

 

SO DOC HAS INFORMED THE HOSPITAL AND I NOW JUST HAVE TO WAIT.

 

FOR AN APPOINTMENT THROUGH THE POST MY FACE IT LOOKS A RIGHT STATE.

 

I'M TRYING NOT TO WEAR MY GLASSES MUCH BUT THEN THE HEADACHES COME BY.

 

A GAMMY NOSE AND FEEL BLIND AS A BAT WITH ONLY THE USE OF ONE EYE.

 

WHAT A  PERFORMANCE I TELL YOU TODAY I WAS HAVING A GO.

 

AT OPENING A SMALL PLASTIC WALLET TO PUT MY PHONE CARD IN SO.

 

I WOULDN'T LOSE IT AND TRY AS I MAY I COULDN'T ALL EFFORTS FAILED.

 

WHEN MY DAUGHTER CALLED  AND I TOLD HER SHE JUST STARTED LAUGHING AND WAILED.

 

MUM YOU WON'T GET YOUR CARD IN LIKE THAT THE REASON IS YOU SEE.

 

YOU ARE TRYING AND THE WALLET IS UPSIDE DOWN THERES NO OPENING THERE. HE-HE.

 

WELL LIKE I SAID I'M BLIND AS A BAT WITHOUT MY SPECS FOR CLOSE WORK.

 

WHEN SHE TOLD ME I CRACKED UP LAUGHING I FELT A RIGHT SILLY BURK.

 

I DECIDED TO PUT A PATCH ON MY EYE WHILST I TYPE THIS POST.

 

AND A PLASTER IV'E STUCK ACCROSS MY NOSE I MUST SAY I LOOK THE MOST HE-HE.

 

I HAVE TRIED TO READ A FEW BLOGS NOW AND THEN BUT ONLY ABOUT SIX A DAY.

 

I'LL TRY AND GET BACK TO COMMENTING AS SOON AS I CAN SO PLEASE PRAY.

 

MY EYE GETS BETTER AND NOTHINGS TOO SERIOUS AND ALSO MY NOSE DOES HEAL.

 

IF THE NAIL VARNISH COVERS THE METAL UP AND I DO LIKE THEM RED THEY APPEAL.

 

AS IV'E TAKEN A TIP MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE PAINTED MY GLASSES RED.

 

THE OPTITIAN SUGGESTED I TRY THIS WELL THIS IS WHAT HE SAID.

 

HE KNEW OF MANY WHO'D DONE THIS TRICK AND IT HAD WORKED REALY FINE.

 

SO IV'E TAKEN HIS RECOMMENDATION  THERE NOT PERFECT BUT WILL BE WITH TIME.

 

I HAVE HAD TO PAINT THEM IN MY SUNGLASSES THE FRAMES YOU SEE ARE SO THIN.

 

THEY HAVE TO HAVE ANOTHER COAT YET AND THEN I SHALL CLEAN ALL THE RIM.

 

SO THATS WHY I HAVN'T BEEN ONLINE I AM TRYING TO OBEY THE DOC.

 

AND TRYING TO GET RID OF THE LUMP ON MY NOSE  IT'S LIKE A GREAT BIG RED SPOT.

 

RESTING THE EYE AS WELL MY FRIENDS AND I MUST SAY THERE SIMPLY IS NOT.

 

MUCHI CAN SEE WITHOUT THEM SO I CANNOT DO A GREAT LOT.

 

SO TAKE CARE I'M THINKING OF YOU ALL FOR NOW AND IN THE MEANTIME.

 

I'LL PLAY BLINDMANS BUFF AND TRY KEEP WRITING THE  ODD POST OF " MY SIMPLE RHYME ".

 

        

         

 

                               KATH

 

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"NO NOTICE AT ALL"

 

 

            

 

                

 

I GOT A NEW BIN DELIVERED YETERDAY FOLKS NO NOTICE AT ALL IT JUST DROPPED .

 

OFF ONE OF THE LOCAL COUNCIL WAGONS IT MADE ME JUMP I WAS SHOCKED.

 

I WAS SAT  IN THE LOUNGE READING QUIETLY AND SUCH A RACKET RANG OUT.

 

MY HEART SKIPPED A BEAT AS I SAT UP SO THROUGH THE WINDOW I THEN LOOKED OUT.

 

ANOTHER GREEN  CONTAINER FLUNG  DOWN FROM A WAGON TRAVELLING AROUND .

 

JUST THROWN  OUT THE BACK OF THE WAGON AND LOUDLY  IT FELL TO THE  GROUND.

 

I WONDERED WHAT REALY HAD HAPPEND IT HIT THE GROUND WITH A BANG.

 

THEN CONTINUOUS BANGS WERE HEARD UP AND DOWN CONTAINERS DROPPED WITH A CLANG.

 

THE DRIVER WAS SAT WELL BACK IN THE CAB ANOTHER MAN THROWING THESE  DOWN.

 

GOOD GRIEF I THOUGHT I CAN DO THAT JOB AND I WOULDN'T HAVE MADE A SOUND.

 

I WOULD AT LEAST HAVE AIMED FOR THE GRASS INSTEAD OF THE DRIVE OF CONCRETE.

 

DO THESE COUNCIL WORKERS DO ANYTHING RIGHT THATS SENSIBLE AND NEAT.

 

I LOOKED AT THIS GREEN CONTRAPTION LIKE A MILK CRATE AND THOUGHT WHAT IS THIS.

 

MY NEIGHBOUR BESSIE SHOUTS OUT THANK GOODNESS KATH THEY HAVE HAD A NEAR MISS.

 

I WAS JUST COMING OUT TO GO SHOPPING  AND MINE HAS JUST FLOWN RIGHT  PAST.

 

MY LEG  AND I WONDERED WHATEVER WAS HAPPENING  AND THE WAGON JUST DROVE ON QUITE FAST.

 

ONLY FOR JARS AND BOTTLES IT STATES WELL HOW MANY FLIPPING JARS .

 

DOES A SINGLE OCCUPANT  EMPTY IN ONE WEEK  NOT MANY I THOUGHT WHAT A FARSE.

 

I AM LUCKY IF I EMPTY ONE A WEEK  MARMALADE OR BEETROOT LETS SAY.

 

THEN THERES THE GREEN BIN FOR PAPER BUT NO SHREDDINGS TO PASS THIS WAY.

 

NO PAPER SHREDDINGS TO BE PLACED IN HERE HOW STUPID DOES THAT SEEM I ASK.

 

ARE THEY RIGHT IN THERE MINDS THESE COUNCILLORS RECYCLING IS NOW A REAL TASK..

 

NO PIREX GLASS IN THE GLASS BIN NO PLASTIC DISHES OR TRAYS.

 

NO LIGHT BULBS OR BROKEN DRINKING GLASSES THREE BINS NOW STAND IN MY  WAY.

 

THERES ANOTHER TO COME YET AND THEY ARE ASKING TO KEEP THESE INSIDE THE HOUSE.

 

NOW FRIENDS I AM THINKING I BEST HAVE A COUPLE A DAY OF SOME  FAMOUS  GROUSE.

 

 HE-HE.

 

             

 

       

OR MY GLASS BIN WILL BE QUITE EMPTY EACH WEEK WHEN THEY COME ROUND TO COLLECT.

 

AND EMPTY IT INTO THERE WAGON MY EXUSE FOR A TIPPLE PERFECT.     HE-HE

 

THEN AGAIN SOME PEOPLE ARE LEAVING THESE BINS OUTSIDE FOR ALL TO SEE.

 

WHEN GANGS AND TEENAGERS THEY PASS BY I CAN VISION WHAT I MIGHT SEE.

 

GLASS BOTTLES AND JARS THROWN AT THERE RANDOM UP AGAINST ANY WALL.

 

IT DOESN'T TAKE LONG FOR SOME  LUNATICS TO CLICK ONTO DOING THIS AT ALL.

 

A FRIEND OF MINE HAS ALREADY HAD THIS DONE IN HER AREA ONLY LAST WEEK.

 

WHEN SHE SHOUTED OUT TO THE TEENAGERS  ALL SHE GOT WAS LOTS OF CHEEK.

 

THE GENERAL WASTE  IS BEING EMPTIED NOT FORTNIGHTLY BUT THREE WEEKS NOW.

 

SO I BETTER START DRINKING NOT EATING TO FILL UP THESE BINS SOMEHOW.

 

I WILL NEED A LARGE EXTENTION AS WELL  I HAVE THAT MANY BINS IN MY HOME.

 

AM I NAGGING OR AM I RIGHT WOULD YOU SAY HAVING A REAL GOOD MOAN.

 

NO SERIOUSLY THOUGH I FEEL RIGHT NOW US PENSIONERS COULD DO WITH A GOAD..

 

TO HELP US WITH A CRATE  FULL OF GLASS TO BE LIFTED DOWN PATHS TO THE ROAD.

 

WHAT IF WE FELL AND DROPPED IT ALL AND THEN HAD AN ACCIDENT ON GLASS.

 

I KNOW I DON'T TRUST MYSELF CARRYING ONE AS YOU KNOW WELL THIS YORKSHIRE LASS.

 

HAS MANY A TIPPLE THE ALL FALL DOWN TYPE  NOT THE ONES FROM A BOTTLE.

 

I AM LIVID AND LET ME TELL YOU AT THIS TIME I WOULD LOVE TO  THROTTLE.

 

THE PERSON WHO CAME  UP WITH THIS BRIGHT IDEA HE'S NOT PUT MUCH THOUGHT IN TO ME.

 

AS THE GENERAL WASTE  BIN WEIGHS A TON ALSO WHEN FULL UP WOULDN'T  YOU AGREE.

 

THESE WORKMEN THERE JOB GETS EASIER AND STILL THEY GET THE SAME PAY.

 

BRING BACK THE COAL FIRES I SAY AND LETS BURN OUR RUBBISH AWAY.

 

NO VERMIN AROUND NO BINS IN THE HOME NO SMELLS AND ALL OF THE REST.

 

THE COAL FIRE AND OLD METAL BINS OF YESTERYEAR WERE SURELY IN MY MIND THE BEST.

 

    

 

SO I AM GOING SHOPPING TODAY FRIENDS AND MY LIST IS MADE OUT AS SUCH.

 

SEVEN BOTTLES OF FAMOUS GROUSE WHOO-HOO AND ON MY FOOD LIST NOT MUCH .  HE-HE

 

SEVEN JARS OF LOVELY BEETROOT AND SEVEN JARS OF COFFEE TOO.

 

SEVEN JARS OF MARMALADE AND NOT FORGETTING BOTTLES OF TONIC A FEW . HE-HE.

 

A BOX OF CANDLES FOR EVENING TIME AS LIGHTBULBS I CANNOT PLACE .

 

IN THE GREY BIN OR GREEN BIN OR NEW CONTAINER SO WHERE DO THEY GO  A DISGRACE.

 

HOW DO YOU RATE THIS NEW RECYCLING JOB I KNOW WHAT THE REASON IS FOR.

 

BUT THE OLD FASHIONED COAL FIRE FOR BURNING THINGS IS STILL IN MY MIND QUITE RAW.

 

WELL IT'S RAINING CATS AND DOGS AGAIN FOLKS SO AT LEAST I WON'T HAVE TO WASH.

 

MY GREY BIN TODAY I'LL JUST LEAVE THE LID UP AND LET THE RAIN DO IT MY GOSH.

 

IV'E BEEN LOOKING AROUND JUST NOW AND IV'E  SPOTTED MILLIONS OF SNAILS HAVING FUN.

 

EATING ALL MY PANSIES AND BEDDING PLANTS I'LL HAVE TO GET MY PELLET GUN.

 

WHAT WITH RECYCLING PAPER AND GLASS TIN CANS SNAILS TO RID  DO YOU THINK.

 

I WILL GET CHANCE AT ALL TO HAVE AFTERNOON NAPS AS I NEED MY FORTY WINKS.

 

I AM HOPING THAT WHEN ALL IS SORTED THE BIN MEN ARRIVE HERE ON TIME .

 

OR I'LL BE UNDER MY RUBBISH TANKED UP NO TIME TO WRITE     "MY SIMPLE RHYMES".

 

 

              

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"A VERY CHEAP DAY OUT"

 

 

WE SET OFF ON SUNDAY TO THE MUSEUM WHILST ROOSTER HE WAS OFF WORK.

 

IV'E KEPT SAYING I'D DO A VISIT THERE FOR A WHILE  NOW MY MEMORY TO JERK.

 

ON ARRIVAL THE ROOSTER PAID ONE POUND FIFTY WHAT A CHEAP ENTRANCE FEE.

 

ESPECIALLY IN TODAYS DAY AND AGE AND A DISCOUNT ON TOP FOR ME .

 

MOTHERHEN BEING A PENSIONER I SHOWED THE LADY MY PASS.

 

IT'S ONLY FIFTY PENCE FOR YOU DEAR WHOO-HOO THOUGHT THIS YORKSHIRE LASS.

 

LOTS OF INTERESTING HISTORY I LEARNED OF THIS SEASIDE TOWN.

 

RELICS AND POSTERS OF ALSORTS WERE SCATTERED ALL AROUND.

 

SO I TOOK OUT MY DIDGY QUICKLY AND TOOK A FEW SANPS FOR YOU.

 

TO SHOW YOU WHAT IT USED TO BE LIKE WHEN A CHILD  AND WHAT WE WOULD DO.

 

THIS IS A TYPICAL PICTURE OF A DINING ROOM WHERE WE WOULD STAY.

 

FOR BED AND BREAKFAST AND EVENING MEAL JUST AS YOU WOULD TODAY.

 

 

THE OLD WOODEN TROLLEY WOULD STAND AT THE SIDE READY FOR LANDLADY SHE.

 

WOULD FILL IT WITH GOODIES AND THEN WALK AROUND WITH A GREAT BIG TEAPOT OF TEA  HE-HE.

 

 

ANYONE FOR  A CUPPA SHE WOULD SHOUT AS WE ATE OUR MEAL.

 

OR MAYBE JUST POUR ONE  OUT FOR YOU AND THE ATMOSPHERE WAS REAL.

 

AT THE BACK ON THE SIDEBOARD STOOD THE OLD RADIO PLAYING SOME OLD FASHIONED TUNES.

 

OR THE NEWS WOULD BE ON AND DAD WOULD SAY QUIET IF NOT HE WOULD REALY FUME. HE-HE.

 

 

 

 

 

AFTER OUR MEAL WE WOULD PESTER MUM FOR A NEW BUCKET AND SPADE.

 

HERES A SNAP OF THE OLD TIME TIN ONES WITH PATTERNS ON WHICH WERE MADE.

 

THE LITLE TIN SPADE WITH WOODEN  HANDLE NO PLASTIC WERE IN THEM DAYS.

 

DIGGING AWAY MAKING SAND CASTLES UNDERS THE HOT SUN RAYS.

 

 

AND WHILST WE BUILT OUR SANDCASTLES WE WOULD WATCH PUNCH AND JUDY SHOW.

 

 

MOTHER AND FATHER SAT BACK RELAXING IN THE BEACH HUT YOU MIGHT WELL KNOW HE-HE.

 

 

WHAT WONDERFUL MEMORIES FLASHED THROUGH MY MIND I HAD A TEAR IN MY EYE.

 

STILL FABULOUS MEMORIES I DON'T MIND TEARS WHEN IT'S THESE SORT WHICH  MAKE ME CRY.

 

KIOSKS WERE FULL OF ALSORTS OF THINGS  FROM THEM BYE GONE DAYS.

 

OLD COMICS PAPERS TOYS ETC SOME WONDERFUL WAR YEARS  DISPLAYS.

 

 

 

 

WHERE DID THE ORGAN GRINDER GET TO WITH HIS  CHEEKY MONKEY HE- HE.

 

I REMEMBER GIVING THE MONKEY A PENNY AND HE WOULD SNATCH IT FROM ME.

 

THEN HE'D DROP IT INTO THE LITTLE TIN MUG AND EVERYONE WOULD SING.

 

ALONG TO THE TUNES WHICH ECHOED OUT OH WHAT JOY IT DID BRING.

 

 

THERE WERE LOTS MORE IN THE MUSEUM PENNY SLOTS OF YESTERYEAR.

 

AND ON ENTRANCE THE LADY GAVE YOU SOME PENNIES TO TRY THEM OUT WHILST IN HERE.

 

 

LOOK WHO I SNAPPED TRYING HIS LUCK LITTLE THINGS PLEASE LITTLE MINDS.  HE-HE.

 

I HAD LOST TRACK OF MY ROOSTER BUT HE WASN'T HARD TO FIND. HE-HE.

 

I THOUGHT HE MIGHT BE ENJOYING HIMSELF LIKE OLD TIMES WHEN HE WAS A BOY.

 

POPPING HIS PENNIES IN ONE BY ONE THESE MACHINES BROUGHT KIDS SO MUCH JOY.

 

FROM THE MUSEUM WE WENT TO THE CRAFT MARKET IN THE GROUNDS ON SHOW.

 

SO WE STROLLED AROUND AT A  STEADY PACE TAKING THINGS NICE AND SLOW.

 

LOTS OF LOVELY THINGS WERE ON SALE A SELECTION HERE TO SHOW YOU.

 

PAINTINGS DOLLIES WOODEN GIFTS ALL HAND MADE THEY WERE TOO.

 

 

 

 

HANDBAGS AND PURSES OH! YES I LIKED THESE BUT NO I DIDN'T BUY.

 

OTHER THINGS EARLIER ON IN THE WEEK I HAD BOUGHT WHICH CAUGHT MOTHERHENS EYE.

 

ON ARRIVAL BACK AT THE FLAT WELL ROOSTER HANDED ME A SMALL BAG.

 

HE SAID IV'E BOUGHT YOU THIS LOVE AS ONE OF THESE YOU DON'T HAVE.

 

A TINY WOODEN CARVED BOOKMARK HE-HE OF ROOSTER HIMSELF .

 

THEY MUST HAVE SEEN US COMING HE-HE SO IV'E POPPED IT ON THE BOOKSHELF .

 

 

THE FINAL SNAP I HAVE TO SHOW YOU  REALY DID MAKE ME LAUGH.

 

IT REMINDED ME JUST HOW I USED TO LOOK IN THOSE DAYS BUT ON HERE I'M  NOT LAUGHING KATH. HE-HE.

 

A POSTCARD TELLING YOU HOW I FELT AND OFTEN NOWADAYS TOO.

 

WHEN IT'S TIME TO LEAVE AND COME HOME AGAIN WHEREVER IV'E BEEN BOO-HOO !!

 

 

 

                                HEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

 

 

I HOPE YOU ALL HAD A GOOD SPRING BANK HOLIDAY  I THOUGHT OF YOU OFTEN YOU KNOW.

 

I MISSED MY COMPUTER AND ALL YOUR POSTINGS BUT HAD ME A GREAT TIME AND SO.

 

NO FALLING DOWN AND NO LOST KEYS EVERYTHING WENT JUST FINE.

 

I HAVE LOTS MORE PICS TO SHOW YOU FRIENDS IN MORE OF " MY SIMPLE RHYMES".