A LANDLORD IS A PERSON WHO TAKES YOUR MONEY FAST.
HE SERVES A LEASE UPON YOU AND YOU HAVE A HOME AT LAST.
ON SIGNING YOU AGREE TO DO THE RIGHT THINGS AND RESPECT.
HIS PROPERTY AND THEN KEEP IT CLEAN MAKING NO DEFECTS.
ANYTHING ON THE PROPERTY WHICH GOES WRONG IF IT BREAKS.
YOU HAVE TO RING AND TELL HIM SO REPAIRS HE UNDERTAKES.
NOW DECENT PEOPLE SIGN THERE LEASE AND MOST THEY KEEP THERE WORD.
LOOK AFTER WHATS NOT RIGHTLY THIERS AS YOU WILL HAVE HEARD.
SO WHY WHEN TENANTS FIND A FAULT HE DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW.
NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES ONE RINGS THE GOING IS SO SLOW.
AN EXAMPLE HERE I'M TELLING YOU LAST WEEK WHEN I GOT HOME.
FRIDAY MORNING NO HOT WATER YES IT MADE ME MOAN.
TWO SUITCASES OF WASHING AND NOT A SINGLE DROP.
OF WATER FROM MY TAPS NO I JUST COULDN'T GET IT HOT.
A BROKEN BOILER WAS THE FAULT SO THE LANDLORD I DID RING.
ONLY TO FIND AN ANSWER MACHINE LEAVE YOUR MESSAGE AFTER THE PING.
IT'S EASY ENOUGH SO YES I SPOKE DOWN THE PHONELINE PLAIN.
LEFT MY ADDRESS AND MY NUMBER AND OF COURSE MY NAME.
WAITED ALL DAY FRIDAY BUT NO ANSWER DID I GET.
FRUSTRAITED NOW BY THE END OF THE DAY YES I WAS YOU BET.
MY KETTLE HAD NO BACKSIDE (BUTT) LEFT FOREVER ON THE BOIL.
WASHING SMALLS AND OTHER THINGS MOTHERHEN DID TOIL.
SATURDAY CAME AROUND AND ONCE AGAIN I RANG UP QUICK.
AT THE END OF THE DAY NO REPLY DON'T IT MAKE YOU SICK.
ON SUNDAY SAME AGAIN I THOUGHT WHAT DO I DO NOW.
THREE FULL DAYS OF RINGING UP I DIDN'T JUST KNOW HOW.
I COULD GET THE REPAIR DONE IF THE LANDLORD COULDN'T FIND TIME.
TO RING ME BACK AND ANSWER ME ON MY OWN LANDLINE.
BLOODY IGNORANT USELESS A FEW OF THE WORKS I SPOKE.
TO MYSELF IN ANGER BECAUSE THIS WAS NO JOKE.
BOILING PANS AND KETTLES CLIMBING STAIRS POOR KATH.
TO KEEP MYSELF NICE AND CLEAN FOR A NICE HOT BATH.
MONDAY CAME AROUND AND HOW I ACHED FROM TOP TO TOE.
MY ANKLE NOW HAD GONE WITH CARRYING WATER TOO AND FRO.
SO I RANG AGAIN YES MORE EXPENCE THIS TIME TO TELL HIM THAT.
MY STANDING ORDERS CANCELLED FOR MY RENT YOU HEAR OLD CHAP.
JUST A LITTLE WHITE LIE IT MIGHT MAKE HIM SIT UP.
WHEN HE LISTENED TO THIS MESSAGE AS HE SIPPED HIS COFFEE CUP.
TUESDAY MORNING NO SUPRIZE A MESSAGE HE HAD SENT.
IVE ARRANGED A MAN TO CALL PM BECAUSE I NEED MY RENT.
MY LITTLE LIE HAD FINALLY WORKED SO OFF MOTHERHEN DID LIMP.
DOWN TO TOWN FOR SOME SHOPPING CLOTHES SOAKING IN THE SINK.
AT 4PM A GUY RANG UP SAID HE WOULD CALL NEXT DAY. GRRRR!!!
BY WEDNESDAY I WAS SHATTERED STRESSED OUT IN A BAD WAY.
HE DIDN'T ARRIVE TILL THURSDAY AND JUST AS I HAD SAT.
DOWN TO EAT MY HOMEMADE STEW WITH THIS I COULD HAVE SPAT.
WHAT A TIME TO CALL I THOUGHT SO MY LUNCH WENT TO ONE SIDE.
I WASN'T EATING IN FRONT OF A STRANGER NO I HAVE MORE PRIDE.
I ASKED HIM WHEN THE LANDLORD HAD LET HIM KNOW MY NEED.
HE SAID THE DAY I CALLED YOU SO I CAME ALONG WITH SPEED.
HOW COULD HE LIE AND TELL ME HE HAD LET HIM KNOW BEFORE.
I LOST MY MARBLES THERE AND THEN AND HE HEARD HOW MUCH I SWORE.
WELL THANX A MILLION I REPLIED AND THEN I TOLD HIM STRAIGHT.
HOW MANY MESSAGES I HAD LEFT AND OF MY SEVEN DAY WAIT.
OH! DEAR HE SAID I KNOW THESE LANDLORDS YOU ARE RIGHT MADAM.
THEY'LL GET AWAY WITH MURDER ANYTIME THEY CAN.
MY BOILERS MENDED NOW FRIENDS AND I'M NOW BACK TO THE NORM.
RED HOT WATER FROM MY TAP INSTEAD OF BEING LUKE WARM.
MY NERVES ARE CALMED BUT STILL I SAY THAT LANDLORDS ARE A FARSE.
BEING FACE TO FACE I WOULD HAVE SAID STICK YOUR ANSWER MACHINE UP YOUR ARSE.
SO IF YOU ARE A LANDLORD AND THERES MESSAGES ON YOUR LINE.
FLIPPING ANSWER THEM WILL YOU IF YOU READ "MY SIMPLE RHYME"
