"GAS CHECK TIME"

 

         

 

        

 

           

WELL THIS MORNING CAME  FRIENDS AND  ANOTHER APPOINTMENT IT WAS MY GAS CHECK TIME.

 

I WONDER WHY MINE  ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE WHEN THE WEATHERS FREEZING NOT FINE.

 

AS ALL OF YOU KNOW THE GAS IS TURNED OFF FOR THE BOILER AND ALL THINGS ELSE.

 

TO BE CHECKED OUT AND I AM SAT FROZEN HUDDLED UP ALL ALONE BY MYSELF.

 

WHILE THIS GUY HE RATTLES HIS SCREWDRIVERS AND HIS TOOLBAG HE SLINGS ANYWHERE.

 

HE DOESN'T BOTHER WHERE IT LANDS AND THE TOOLS THEY JUMP UP IN THE AIR.

 

SOME OF THESE WORKMEN HAVE NO RESPECT FOR OTHER PEOPLES THINGS.

 

AND  I DREAD OPENING MY DOOR TO THIS MAN WHEN EACH YEAR MY DOOR BELL RINGS.  

 

I JUST FEEL LIKE SAYING DO YOU THROW EVERYTHING ABOUT IN YOUR OWN SWEET HOME.

 

AS IF YOU DOI BET YOUR WIFE WITTERS ON AT YOU AND MOANS.

 

YOU SEE THIS GUY I HAVE HAD FOR THREE YRS NOW AND HE IS SENT AUTO YOU SEE.

 

THROUGH  MY LOVELY LANDLORD WHO ORDERS HIM YES HE LOOKS AFTER ME.

 

WELL WHILST HE IS CHECKING APPLIANCES I ASK WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK.

 

YES PLEASE A CUPPA OF COFFEE BUT  NO SUGAR OR  MILK PLEASE THEN WINKS.

 

HEY DON'T WINK AT ME I THINK TO MYSELF WHEN I AM IN HERE ALL ALONE.

 

WITH YOU WHEN  MY ROOSTER IS OUT AT WORK OR YOU WILL BE GOING BACK HOME.  HE-HE

 

SO HE SMILES WITH A MOUTH THATS JUST LIKE A SETPOT I'VE NEVER SEEN ONE SO LARGE.

 

IF HE OPENED IT WIDE I AM SURE HE WOULD SWALLOW OUR  LOCAL RIVER BARGE.

 

WHOOPS SORRY I DON'T USUALY  SPEAK LIKE THIS BUT I WANTED TO GIVE YOU A LAUGH.

 

AND I AM BEING HONEST AND WANT YOU TO KNOW WHAT HE'S LIKE WHEN HE SEE'S LAUGHING KATH.

 

HE THEN  SAYS OH THOSE BISCUITS LOOK TEMPTING AND GRABS ONE WITHOUT SAYING PLEASE.

 

HE SHOVES IT IN HIS GAPING MOUTH ALL IN ONE LUMP WITH EASE

 

 

GOOD GRIEF I'M NOT TALKING ORDINARY BISCUITS THESE WERE FRUIT SCONES I'D JUST MADE.

 

TWELVE OF THEM ON THE COOLING RACK FOR A GIFT NOW ELEVEN I'M AFRAID.

 

YOU SEE MARGARET AND I WHEN WE WERE IN COOKERY CLASS WE WERE ALWAYS  BEST MATES.

 

AND SHE USED TO SAY TO ME ALL THE TIME THAT MINE  THEY TASTED GREAT.

 

EXUSE ME I SAID BUT THOSE ARE A GIFT FOR MY FRIEND WHO JUST LOVES THEM SO.

 

AND NOW I ONLY HAVE ELEVEN LEFT HE SAYS WELL  I DIDN'T  KNOW.

 

WELL MY COUNCILLOR WHO USED TO CALL ON ME TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE MORE ASSERTIVE.

 

SO THE TIME WAS RIGHT AND I TOOK THE OPPORTNUITY  THIS GUY SOME OF IT  TO  GIVE.

 

I SAID TO HIM NOT A CASE OF DON'T KNOW IT'S POLITE AND MANNERS TO ASK.

 

WITH THIS  HE REPLIED OH I'M SORRY MY DEAR I WAS ONLY ACTING DAFT.

 

DAFT I SAID YOU'LL CERTAINLY BE  DAFT IF MY BOWL OF SATSUMAS COME  OUT.

 

YOU'LL BE WONDERING WHATS HIT YOU SOON MY BOY IF I AIM ONE AND IT GIVES YOU A CLOUT.    HE-HE

 

SO PLEASE GET ON WITH THE GAS CHECK WILL YOU AND WITHOUT SOUNDING RUDE PLEASE DON'T.

 

CONTINUE WINKING  AT ME ALL THE TIME OR YOUR EYES I KNOW THEY WON'T.

 

BE FOCUSING ON THE JOB PROPERLY AND I DON'T WANT YOU MAKING A MESS.

 

I DON'T CARE FOR GASMEN PASSING WINKS AND TRUTHFULLY I COULDN'T CARE LESS.

 

WITH THIS HE TOOK HOLD OF HIS SCREWDRIVER AND HE'S BANGING AND GLANGING AWAY.

 

AT THE BOILER CASEING AND I AM THINKING HE'S NOT GETTING HIS OWN WAY.     HE-HE

 

I STOOD MY DISTANCE BUT I THOUGHT TO MYSELF I AM GOING TO WATCH THIS GUY.

 

WHO ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE WINKING IT MIGHT BE AN  AFFLICTION OF  HIS  EYE

 

HE-HE. 

 

WHAT IS YOUR GAS CHECKER LIKE MY FRIENDS IS HE A BIT LEEK GEEN........  (FORWARD)

 

COS THIS ONE I DREAD HIM COMING ROUND HE'S THE STRANGEST IV'E EVER SEEN.

 

WELL I DON'T THINK HIS INDIGESTION PARTS WILL  BE FEELING TOO GOOD TODAY .

 

AS THOSE FRUIT  SCONES WERE STILL QUITE HOT FOR SWALLOWING DOWN HIS PASSAGEWAY. HE-HE

 

IV'E MENTIONED  HIS ADMIRING GLANCES TO THE LANDLORD BEFORE ON THE PHONE.

 

BUT HE JUST TELLS ME OH! HE'S A BIT OF A FLIRT BUT THERES NO HARM IN HIM DON'T MOAN.

 

SO I  TRUST IN HIS WORD BUT THANK GOODNESS HE'S GONE AND I HAVN'T TO LOOK AT THAT GAP.

 

WHEN HE OPENS HIS MOUTH SO WIDE I'M NOT KIDDING IT'S AS BIG AS A FLIPPING RAT TRAP.

HE-HE.

 

WELL I'VE  READ BEFORE THAT SOME OF YOU HAVE HAD VERMIN LARGE AND SMALL.

 

SO I'LL GIVE YOU HIS NUMBER AND HE CAN  COME ROUND AND I BET HE WILL CATCH THEM ALL.

 

IF HE LIES ON THE FLOOR WITH MY SCONE IN HIS MOUTH I'M SURE HE WILL CATCH THE LOT.

 

AND YOUR  MICE AND RATS WILL THINK OH GOOD GRIEF WEV'E BEEN CAUGHT IN THE BAKERS SHOP.  HE-HE

 

WELL  MARGARET MY  FRIEND I'VE  MENTIONED BEFORE IS COMING TO SEE ME ON SAT.

 

SO THATS WHY I WAS BAKING THE SCONES FOR HER  HAMPER WITH THIS AND THAT.

 

SHE'S COMING TO HER RELATIONS SO SHE'S CALLING TO SEE ME THATS GREAT.

 

AND WE WILL CATCH UP ON ALL THOSE LOST YEARS NEVER SEEING ONE ANOTHER OF LATE.

 

I'LL MAKE HER LAUGH I AM SURE OF IT WHEN I GIVE HER THE HAMPER  SAYING    I.

 

HAVE PUT YOU  A GAS MANS DOZEN OF SCONES IN AND ALSO A FALSE  WINKING EYE    

 

HE-HE.

 

THE GAS MAN HAS GONE NOW THANK GOODNESS ANOTHER ANNUAL JOB DONE

 

AND I'M FROZEN SO WHY CARN'T THEY DO THIS JOB WHEN IT'S NICE AND WARM IN THE SUN.

 

SO I'VE FINISHED MY HAMPER NOW HE'S GONE AND POPPED IN IT A BOTTLE OF WINE.

 

 MY  FEETS  UP AND IV'E GOT A CUPPA AND COOKIE AND IV'E  POSTED   

 

                      "MY SIMPLE RHYME" 

 

                                HE-HE.

 

         

         

 

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