"ABOUT SOMETHING I HAD FOR SALE"

 

   

 

 

I THOUGHT TODAY  I WOULD TAKE YOU BACK  AND TELL YOU ALL A TALE..

 

OF A TIME WHICH HAD ME IN TEARS OF LAUGHTER ABOUT SOMETHING I HAD FOR SALE..

 

I DON'T REMEMBER IF IV'E TOLD SOME OF YOU THIS STORY BEFORE BUT IT'S TRUE.

 

WHEN I USED TO BE A BARMAID BACK THEN AROUND NINETEEN EIGHTY TWO.

 

I REALY LOVED THIS JOB MY FRIENDS AND I  WORKED  EVERY HOUR ROUND MY KIDS.

 

TO EARN THAT LITTLE EXTRA MONEY THEY HELPED OUT THESE  EXTRA FEW QUIDS.

 

ON LEAVING THE PUB IN THE EARLY HOURS OF ONE PARTICULAR  MORN.

 

AFTER WASHING THE GLASSES AND CLEANING THE TABLES I'D RING FOR MY TAXI HOME.

 

I GOT OUT THE TAXI THIS PARTICULAR NIGHT AND THERE ON MY LAWN SHINING BRIGHT.

 

WAS A  FULL SET OF FALSE TEETH GRINNING AT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT .

 

I RAN IN THE HOUSE AND ASKED  MY PARTNER TO GO AND  MOVE THEM AWAY.

 

HE SAID LEAVE THEM THERE THEY WON'T BITE YOU LOVE AND THEY MIGHT CUT THE GRASS FOR NEXT DAY  (HA-HA )

 

WELL AT THIS I ROLLED OVER LAUGHING AND I PLEADED AND PLEADED TO HE.

 

SO HE VENTURED OUTSIDE AT THIS EARLY HOUR IN THE MORNING  JUST TO PLEASE ME.

 

WHEN HE CAME BACK IN I SAID WHERE HAVE YOU PUT THEM AND HE TOLD ME WHAT HE HAD DONE .

 

HE SAID IV'E PUT THEM ON  RODS LAWN NEXT DOOR JUST FOR A BIT OF FUN. HA-HA.

 

ROD WAS OUR NEIGHTBOUR I SAID OH  MY GOODNESS HE'LL GET THE SHOCK OF HIS LIFE.

 

AND WHAT IF LIZ SHE SEES THEM FIRST LIZ WAS OUR NEIGHBOURS WIFE.

 

WHEN WE WOKE IN THE MORNING A KNOCK TO THE DOOR AND ROD WAS STANDING THERE.

 

HE SAID LOOK WHAT IV'E FOUND ON MY LAWN WHEN WE LOOKED WE JUST CRACKED UP AND STARED

 

INSTEAD OF JUST BEING THE SET OF TEETH THEY WERE WRAPPED IN A PLASTIC BAG.

 

AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FULL SET OF TEETH A SANDWICH NOW THEY HAD. HE-HE.

 

HAVE YOU ANY IDEA KATH WHERE THEY CAME FROM HE ASKED  I SAID I DON'T KNOW. HA!

 

AND AT THIS I STARTED LAUGHING AGAIN ROLLING ABOUT TOO AND FRO .

 

A MAN CALLED DON LIVED OPPOSITE US AND POINTED UP TO AN HOUSE.

 

WHERE ANOTHER  MAN LIVED WHO WENT OUT PLENTY AND HE LIKED A FEW TIPPLES OF GROUSE.  (WHISKEY)

 

ROD WENT UP THERE AND KNOCKED ON THE DOOR AND HE PLACED THE BAG  ON HIS STEP.

 

AS HE WAS A BIT OF A FUNNY SORT  AND  IF THEY WERE HIS HE COULD COME OUT AND GET.

 

WELL THAT DAY WE'D PLANNED A GET TOGETHER IN MY  FRONT GARDEN IN THE SUNSHINE.

 

ALL OF A SUDDEN A VOICE IT YELLS DOWN ARE THESE BLOODY THINGS YOURS THERE NOT MINE.

 

ROD HE SHOUTS BACK WHAT ARE THEY MATE HE SHOUTS A SET OF BLOODY FALSE TEETH.

 

AND THERE EATING A FLIPPING SANDWICH IS THIS A JOKE ON ME HE SEETHED.

 

OH NO!!  THERE NOT OURS ROD SHOUTS BACK  I HAVE NO IDEA WHO'S THEY BE.

 

WELL COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOUR MATE  AND FIND THE RIGHT OWNER FOR ME.

 

SO THE GUY COMES MARCHING DOWN TO MY HOUSE WITH THE TEETH HANGING THERE IN THIS BAG.

 

THROWS THEM OVER MY GATE TO ROD AND  WASN'T I GLAD THAT HE HAD.

 

OH GIVE THEM ME HERE I SAID TO ROD I'LL GO TO THE SHOP AT THE END.

 

OBVIOUSLY SOMEONES MISSING THEM AND I BET THERE GOING ROUND THE BEND.

 

SO I BOBBED TO THE SHOP AND I SAID CAN I PLEASE PLACE IN YOUR WIDOW AN AD.

 

SHE ASKED WHAT I WAS SELLING I TOLD HER  SOME FALSE TEETH  IN A BAG.

 

COMPLETE WITH SANDWHICH AS WELL JENNIFER SHE LOOKED AT ME THOUGH I'D GONE MAD.

 

AND THERE SAT ON A BUFFET BEHIND  HER WAS HUSBAND WHO LOOKED PRETTY SAD.

 

FALSE TEETH !!  SHE YELLED OUT LOUD TO ME OUR DAVID LOST HIS LAST NIGHT.

 

HE'S BEEN SAT HERE IN THE SHOP ALL DAY HIDING OUT OF FOLKS SIGHT.

 

I SAID WAS HE EATING A SANDWHICH SHE SAID I DON'T NO HE WAS DRUNK.

 

AND HE CAME HOME SMELLING LIKE A DOG OTTER STAGGERING AND HE STUNK.

 

I SHOUTED HOORAY I'M GLAD WE  KNOW NOW WHO THEY BELONG TO AT LAST.

 

YOU SEE I FOUND THEM ON COMING HOME LATE THEY WERE BUSY MOWING MY GRASS.

 

SHE LAUGHED AND LAUGHED THERE WERE TEARS IN HER EYES AND SENT HIM ALONG TO ROD

 

SO ROD SAID NO MORE LEAVING YOUR TEETH ON KATHS LAWN YOU CRAZY DRUNK SOD.

 

HE HAD WANDERED AND GONE THE WRONG  WAY HOME AFTER HAVING A PINT OR TWO .

 

GOT LOST AND FELT THE WORSE FOR WARE AFTER HE'D DRANK THESE FEW.

 

AFTER REMOVING HIS TEETH BECAUSE HE WAS  SICK HE FELL OVER AND SO HE THREW.

 

HIS TEETH OVER MY  GATE ONTO THE GRASS TO PROTECT THEM AS THEY WERE NEW. 

 

HE WAS THINKING IF HE HAD LEFT THEM IN AND THEY HAD DROPPED ONTO THE GROUND.

 

THEY WOULD HAVE SMASHED UP TO PIECES AND TO MEND THEM QUITE A FEW POUND.

 

FROM HERE HE COULD NOT REMEMBER JUST HOW HE MANAGED TO GET HOME.

 

BUT BY THE SOUND OF HIS WIFES TALE HE CERTAINLY MUST HAVE WANDERED SOME FIELDS WHEN HE ROAMED..

 

WHEN  HE WOKE NEXT MORNING HE TOLD HIS WIFE THAT HE COULDN'T REMEMBER WHICH GATE.

 

HE HAD THROWN HIS TEETH OVER OR HOW HE'D ENDED UP SMELLING IN THAT KIND OF STATE.

 

GOOD GRIEF I SAID TO ROD AND LIZ  HE MUST HAVE LOOKED SUCH A SIGHT.

 

AND IF HE SMELLED LIKE A DOG OTTER HE MUST HAVE FELL INTO A PILE OF  - - - - -.HA!

 

THIS STORY I TOLD IN THE PUB THE NEXT NIGHT AND EVERYTIME SOMEONE WENT HOME.

 

I USED TO SHOUT OUT GOODNIGHT AND GODBLESS BUT DON'T LET YOUR FALSE TEETH ROAM  (HAHA)

 

SO THE STORY OF DAVIDS TEETH BEING LOST WAS THE TALK OF THE VILLAGE AT THAT TIME.

 

I'LL NEVER FORGET WHAT I FOUND THAT MORNING HERE IN  "MY SIMPLE RHYME" HA-HA -HA.

 

 

                 ELEPHANTS NEVER FORGET  HE-HE-HE. !!!

 

 

           

 

                              ( THANX TO EMMI FORTHIS GREAT GRAPHIC  )