"WHEN IV'E WORKED OUT"

THE OTHER  SATURDAY MORNING I WENT ON A SHOPPING TRIP.

I PUT ON MY BEST UNDERWEAR TO SEE IF OWT WOULD FIT.

I WANTED TO PROVE THE MIRROR WRONG  AND HADN'T PUT ON A POUND.

AS MY REFLECTION WHEN I LOOKED THERE SEEMED TO MAKE ME FAT AND ROUND.

THE FIRST SHOP THAT I ENTERED HAD LOTS OF QUALITY CLOTHES.

TROUSERS TOPS AND SWEATERS AND SKIRTS DOWN TO MY TOES.

I SAW SOME VERY SMART TROUSERS THEY WERE JUST THE KIND I NEED.

SO I NIPPED INSIDE AND TRIED THEM ON AND FOUND I COULDN'T BREATH.

OH! MY GOD MY FAT IS TRAPPED WHATEVER CAN I DO.

THE ZIP GOT STUCK AND THERE I WAS MY FACE WAS TURNING BLUE.

EMOTIONS TURNED TO PANICK  SO I CALLED OUT TO THE GIRL.

CAN YOU COME AND HELP ME PLEASE MY MIND IS IN A WHIRL.

I'M FEELING KINDA DIZZY AND THE REASON IS YOU SEE.

THIS ZIP IS STUCK AND MY FATS TRAPPED PLEASE COME AND SET ME FREE.

SHE LOOKED AT ME BEWILDERED SIZE 12 YOU ASKED ME FOR.

THATS RIGHT I SAID I WAS A 12 WHEN I WALKED THROUGH YOUR DOOR.

LET ME HAVE A 14 THEN IF I CAN GET THESE OFF.

SHE TUGGED AND PULLED AT THIS ZIP TO SEE IF I COULD DOFF.

OUCH!!!!!  I SHOUTED LOUDLY YOU HAVE JUST NIPPED ALL MY SKIN.

WELL IF YOU DIDN'T EAT TOO MANY CAKES YOU MIGHT GET YOURSELF SLIM.

WHY? DO YOU THINK I'M FAT I ASKED SHE ANSWERED YES I DO.

I'M A VERY HONEST PERSON AND I WOULD NOT LIE TO YOU.

I WAS MOST OFFENDED SO I SAID OH! COME ON QUICK.

GET THESE TROUSERS OFF ME AND I'LL GO BOOK IN KEEP FIT.

I DON'T THINK YOUR GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL YOU'VE MOVED THAT ZIP.

AND IF IT BREAKS  IT'S  TWENTY POUND WITH THIS I ALMOST FLIPPED.

TWENTY POUND!!!   I HOLLOWED NOT LIKELY I'LL MOVE IT SOON.

I'LL SIT HERE IN THE CUBICLE MY FAT WILL GO BY NOON.

YOU SEE I'VE JUST HAD WEETABIX AND MY STOMACH IT DOES SWELL.

I DON'T THINK I HAVE PUT ON WEIGHT YOUR GARMENTS SMALL I CAN TELL.

SUPRIZED SHE WALKED AWAY FROM ME AND CALLED THE MANAGERESS.

SAID A LADY IN THE CUBICLE IS STUCK AND CARN'T GET DRESSED. (HA).

BY THIS TIME MY BACK ACHING FROM THE FAT IT ALL BEING TRAPPED.

AND WITH TUGGING AT THE ZIP NOW MY ENERGY HAD BEEN SAPPED.

FOR A LAUGH KATH SHOUTS GET THE FIRE BRIGADE THEY MIGHT KINDLY LOOSE.

THIS STUPID ZIP AND THEN MAYBE ANOTHER PAIR I'LL CHOOSE.

COS I'M NOT PAYING TWENTY POUND FOR A ZIP WHEN THE GARMENT IS SMALL FIT.

IT'S YOUR FAULT I AM STUCK IN HERE AND FEELING A FAT TWIT.

SO I TOOK A MIGHTY GREAT BIG BREATH AND THE GIRL SHE TUGGED AWAY.

THE ZIP IT FLOATED DOWN I SHOUTED HIP !! HIP!! HIP!!  HOORAY.

MY FAT ROLLED OUT INTO PLACE HEAVEN LET ME TELL YOU.

BUT I HAD THIS GREAT BIG INPRINT ON MY STOMACH TURNING BLUE.

INPRINTS JUST LIKE TRAM LINES I SAID LOOK WHAT IT'S DONE.

IT'S A GOOD JOB IT WASN'T AT THE BACK OR A WORSE SIGHT ON MY BUM.

BLOW IT I THOUGHT I'M OUT OF HERE  I HAD BEEN AN HOUR IN THIS SHOP.

ALREADY MY STOMACH WAS RUMBLING AGAIN SO I LEFT FOR THE COFFEE SHOP.

I SAT AND ORDERED A SARNY BACON AND TOMATO PLEASE.

MY OWN TROUSERS I WERE WEARING COMFY AND  I COULD RELEASE.

MY FAT AS MUCH AS I WANTED I THOUGHT I DON'T NEED TO SLIM.

THEM TROUSERS IN THAT SHOP WERE SMALL AND I DON'T WANT TO BE MORE TRIM.

MY SANDWHICH WAS DELICIUOS I WENT FOR A WALK ON THE PROM.

WENT INTO MARKS AND SPENCERS AND GOT A PAIR JUST PULL ON.

THERE COMFY AND ONLY A MERE SIZE 12 I'M REALY AS PLEASED AS PIE.

AND I'M CONVINCED SOME LABELS ON CLOTHES REALY DECEIVE THE EYE.

I CALLED INTO THE CHEMIST FOR SOME CREAM FOR MY TRAM LINES.

HOPING THAT MY STOMACH WOULD HEAL IN A VERY SHORT TIME.

I STILL CARN'T GET OVER £20 FOR A ZIP I THINK IT'S A LOT.

SO NEXT TIME I GO SHOPPING I'M NOT STOPPING AT THAT SHOP.

CHEEKY LITTLE MONKEY TELLING ME YES I THINK YOUR FAT.

IF I'D HAVE BEEN A SIZE THIRTY I COULD HAVE UNDERTOOD ALL THAT.

BUT SHE WAS ONLY ABOUT A SIZE SIX AND SHE MUST HAVE THOUGHT THAT I .

SHOULD SLIM AND LOOK LIKE A MATCHSTICK AS SHE LOOKED TO MY EYE.

WELL I'M GOING TO TRY AND GET RID OF MY FAT ON MY STOMACH AND GET IT FLAT (HA).

SO IT WON'T GET TRAPPED IN A ZIP AGAIN AND NOT EAT THIS AND THAT.

MAYBE THEN I WILL FEEL AT EASE WHEN I GO SHOPPING AG-EN.

AND I WON'T HAVE TO TAKE DEEP BREATHS LIKE I DID IN THAT SHOP BACK THEN.

THE ZIP WILL GLIDE UP AND DOWN WITH EASE AND I 'LL NOT BE OUT OF BREATH.

AS I MUST ADMIT WHEN I WAS STUCK THERE IT FRIGHTENED ME TO DEATH.

WHEN IV'E WORKED OUT AT MY KEEP FIT MY STOMACH WILL LOOK REAL FINE.

THE TRAM LINES GONE AND I'LL SIT HERE SIZE 10 WRITING  " MY SIMPLE RHYME"

                 

     ASTORISAND!!             KATH.

WISHFULL THINKING OR WHAT LOL!!!

"SEEMS I'M STILL A WALKING DISASTER "   LOL!!