"I THOUGHT I WOULD GRAB THIS MOMENT"

 (Thanks to Donna of D's Designs for this beautiful graphic)

 

WELL IT'S EARLY HOUR WEDNESDAY MORNING AND EVERYONE'S FAST ASLEEP.

SO I THOUGHT I WOULD GRAB THIS MOMENT BEFORE JOSEPH GETS UP TO PEEP.

AROUND THE LOUNGE DOOR AND COME RUNNING WITH A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS.

THESE MOMENTS ALONE I AM SAVING SO MY COMMENTS AND POSTS I DON'T MISS.

ALL DID'NT GO TO PLAN YESTERDAY AS  IN MY LAST RHYME YOU’LL  RECALL .

WE WERE GOING TO THE MUSEUM OF GAMES urr!! CLOSED WE WERN'T VERY PLEASED AT ALL.

AROUND TOWN WE CALLED FOR SOME SHOPPING  WHEN A GAME SHOP WE SAW IN SIGHT. 

FULL OF EXCITING X BOX GAMES TO JOSEPH PURE DELIGHT.

I THOUGHT OMG!!!  WHERE'VE I BROUGHT HIM TO I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THESE WERE

BEING AS I HAVE NO YOUNG ONES AROUND I THOUGHT JOSEPH WILL THINK I'M A DURRRRRRR.(HA)

HE SPOTTED A GAME HE'D BEEN SEARCHING  FOR BACK HOME WHICH HE COULDN'T GET.

I  SAID WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO BUY IT FOR YOU HE REPLIED YOUR KIDDING I BET !!

WITH THIS I SAID NO I'M NOT KIDDING YOU WE MIGHT AS WELL GET IT AND SO.

I REACHED IN MY PURSE COR BLIMEY!!!  ANOTHER FEW NOTES TO GO (HA)

HE LOOKED AT ME SO EXCITED  WITH A GREAT BIG CHEEKY GRIN .

I LOOKED AT MY WALLET PART OF MY PURSE  IT WAS WEARING VERY THIN (HA)

FROM THERE WE WENT INTO THE ARCADE AND HAD A FEW COINS IN THE SLOTS (HA)

ROLLING TWO PENCES  DOWN EVERYWHERE A POCKET FULL HE HAD GOT.

FROM MY WHISKEY BOTTLE BEFORE WE SET OFF AS IT IS FULL TO THE TOP.

THIS PLACE I KNEW WE WOULDN'T PASS BY BEFORE THE END OF THE DAY.

WE ALL KNOW CHILDREN LOVE THE ARCADES IN SOME KIND OF EXCITING WAY.

JOSEPH THEN PLACED A  FIFTY PENCE  PIECE INSIDE THIS GREAT  BIG MACHINE.

AND WON A VIDEO FILM FIRST TIME COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW LUCKY HE'D BEEN.

WE THEN WENT INTO McDONALDS FOR A CHEESEBURGER THIS WAS HIS CHOISE.

I WAS HAPPY IT WAS SO QUIET THERE NO SCREAMING KIDS NO NOISE.

AS CHILDREN ROUND HERE WERE OFF SCHOOL LAST WEEK SO

THIS WEEK IT WAS OK.

IT PASSED ON ANOTHER HALF HOUR AS SOMETIMES IT SEEMS A LONG DAY.

NEXT WE WENT FOR A WALK ON THE PROM AS THE SUN BEGAN TO SHINE.

IT WAS QUITE A LOVELY MORNING VERY MILD AND OH SO FINE.

AS HE GATHERED PEBBLESFROM THE BEACH I WAS THINKING OH PLEASE ROLL ON SPRING.

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN JOSEPH BENT DOWN AND HE PICKED UP THIS SILVERY THING.

A LOCKET WITH  E AND M  ENGRAVED SO I WIPED IT AND POPPED IN MY BAG.

I'M GOING TO ADVERTISE IT NOW AS I FEEL SOMEONE WILL BE SAD.

THEY HAVE LOST THIS LOVELY NECKLACE IT COULD BE A GIFT FROM A MUM.

OR A DAD OR AN AUNTIE OR SISTER AS TO LOSE THINGS IS NOT MUCH FUN.

I'LL PRINT SOME NOTICES AND ASK THE SHOPS TO POP THEM ON DISPLAY

SOMEONE JUST MIGHT SEE IT THEN AND RING ME UP ONE DAY

WE HAVE TO BE HONEST AND TRY TO FIND OUT THEN THEY WILL BE FULL OF GLEE.

I'LL TELL THEM JOSEPH FOUND IT ON THE BEACH WHEN HE WAS   WITH ME.

OK THEN GRANDMA HE ANSWERED LETS GO HOME AND BAKE MY CAKE.

AND CAN I MAKE ONE ON FRIDAY AS WELL TO WRAP UP FOR HOME TO TAKE.

I SAID ALRIGHT COME ON GRANDSON HAVE YOU ENJOYED IT  TODAY.

HE SAID YES AND WHEN I HAVE BAKED MY CAKE THEN ON MY NEW GAME I WILL PLAY.

HE THEN WENT TO THE TEN PIN BOLLING EARLY EVENING WITH GRANDAD AT 6.

THEN WHEN THEY CAME HOME THEY WATCHED FUTTY WITH ROONEY DOING HIS TRICKS.  

SO THAT WAS OUR TUESDAY  J/LAND AND HE'S BEEN AS GOOD AS GOLD.

HOPE YOUV'E ENJOYED MY POSTING OF TUESDAY AND ALL THAT I HAVE TOLD.

WEV'E PLANNED TO GO SWIMMING THIS MORNING AS THE WEATHER IT GAVE OUT RAIN.

AS I WRITE THIS THE WEATHER MAN GOT IT RIGHT IT'S LASHING MY WINDOW PANE.

SO I'LL GO GET THE BREAKFAST READY NOW  AS JOSEPH USUALLY RISES ROUND NINE.

AND I'LL CATCH YOU AGAIN WHEN I'M ABLE TO WRITE MORE OF MY SIMPLE RHYME.

 

ASTORIASAND

"THIS WEEK I AM HAVING MY GRANDSON".

THIS WEEK I AM HAVING MY GRANDSON SO I CANNOT GET ONLINE.

YOU KNOW WHAT THESE YOUNGSTERS ARE LIKE TODAY THEY ARE ON THE GO ALL THE TIME.

SO I AM BUSY ENTERTAINING HIM AND DOING THE YOUNG KIND OF STUFF.

AND I MUST ADMIT I CARN'T KEEP UP  I REALY AM OUT OF PUFF (HA).

UP WITH THE LARKS COOKING BREAKFAST GETTING OUT CLEAN CLOTHES FOR HIM.

AND EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT SO I KNOW I WILL NEVER BE SLIM (HA)

TODAY WE ARE GOING WAY BACK IN TIME I'MTAKING HIM FOR A WALK.

TO THE MUSEUM OF ALL THE ARCADE GAMES AND THEN I WILL HAVE A TALK.

TO SEE WHAT HE THINKS OF THE THINGS THAT WE DID WITH NO TECHNOLOGY OF TODAY.

HE'S COST ME A FORTUNE ALREADY SINCE HE ARRIVED HERE LAST  SUNDAY (Ha)

STILL I WANT TO SPOIL HIM A LITTLE AS THE LAST SIX YEARS THATS GONE BY.

HE'S BEEN LIVING OVER THE OCEAN IN SPAIN WHERE THE SUN SHINES AND LOVELY BLUE SKY.

SO HE'S NOT QUITE USED TO ALL OF THIS FROST AND COLD WINDS ETC WE GET.

BUT HE DOES TELL ME HE WISHED  HE  LIVED HERE HE'S HAVING THE BEST TIME YET.

AFTER MUSEUM WE'RE BAKING A CAKE AS JOSEPH HE IS QUITE THE COOK.

HIS MUM TELLS ME HE WILL COOK ANYTHING WHICH HE FINDS LOOKS GOOD IN A BOOK.

SO IT LOOKS LIKE A NICE PEICE OF CAKE AFTER TEA Mmmmmmm SOUNDS VERY TEMPTING TO ME.

AND WE HAVE TO LET THEM EXPERIMENT WHEN  YOUNG I HOPE YOU ALL AGREE.

HE WILL BE THIRTEEN IN JULY  THIS YEAR BUT HE HASN'T UP TO PRESS.

DECIDED WHAT HE WANTS DO IN A FEW MORE YRS YET I GUESS.

SO IF I DO NOT COMMENT AT ALL IN YOUR JOURNAL ALL THIS WEEK.

YOU ALL NOW KNOW THE REASON AS MY CHANCE OF GETTING  HERE  LOOKS BLEAK.

THESE YOUNG ONES ARE JUST SO WIZZ LIKE AND IN HIS SPARE TIME HE'S NOW ONLINE.

HE HAS LEARNED ME QUITE A FEW THINGSTHOUGH SO THIS TO ME IS JUST  FINE.

I HOPE YOUR ALL WELL AND HAPPY AND AOL ARE TREATING YOU GOOD.

SOMETIMES IN  THE EVENING I FIND OUT THAT MY JOURNAL IT IS JUST STOOD.

AOL WILL NOT LET ME EDIT  IT AND THE GRAPHICS SO SLOW  DRIVES ME MAD .

SO I THOUGHT I WOULD GRAB THIS EARLY HOUR  AS AT THIS TIME IT'S  NOT REALY BAD.

IT SEEMS TO BE LIKE LIGHTENING IN THE MORNINGS WHEN I AWAKE.

BUT AS I SAY IN THE EVENINGS IT'S JUST HOPELESS AND HOURS IT TAKES.

SO I WILL LOVE AND LEAVE YOU ALL NOW AND IF BY NEXT WEEK I'M STILL HERE (HA)

I'LL BE BACK ONLINE WRITING MY SIMPLE RHYME AMONGST J/LAND FRIENDS SO DEAR.

SO WRAP UP KEEP WARM IF IT'S COLD DOWN YOUR WAY I LOOK FORWARD TO BEING BACK SOON.

WHEN JOSEPH GOES HOME AND LEAVES ME AGAIN NEXT SATURDAY AFTERNOON.

I AM TRYING TO FIT IN SOME COMMENTS,BUT I DON'T REALY HAVE MUCH TIME.

TO WATCH JOSEPH AND COMMENT EVERYWHERE AND ENTER  MY SIMPLE RHYMES.

ASTORIASAND       

A BASKET OF ROSES TO ALL OF YOU"

                     

VALENTINES DAY IS SPECIAL IT'S FOR SENDING OUT MESSAGES OF LOVE.

WELL HERE I AM POSTING  ONCE AGAIN AND IV'E PLACED A GRAPHIC ABOVE.

FEBRUARY 14TH  IS IMPORTANT TO ME AS IT'S GIVING  ME JUST THE CHANCE.

TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS IN A RHYME AND IN THE GRAPHIC TOO AT A GLANCE.

"A BASKET OF ROSES TO ALL OF YOU" I THOUGHT THE GRAPHIC JUST RIGHT.

NOT RED ONES FOR LOVERS BUT PINK FOR YOU LADIES ROSEBUDS ALL SO TIGHT.

AS OVER THE LAST TEN YEARS OR SO I HAVE HAD DEPRESSION REAL BAD.

TEARS I WOULD SHED IN ABUNDANCE AND I WAS ALWAYS SAD..

THEN ONE DAY I DECIDED A JOURNEY ROUND J/LAND I'D MAKE.

TRY FORGET THE MEDICATION DOC TRIED EVERYTHING I COULD TAKE.

IT TOOK A WHILE TO FIND MY WAY ROUND BUT THE PEOPLE WERE SO SINCERE.

I FOUND DONNA WHO MAKES SUPER GRAPHICS AND ALLY A LADY SO DEAR.

JAN OF SEREDIPITY SO KIND ABOUT ALSORTS SHE  WRITES.

CHRIS OF CABS CREATIONS WITH HER GRAPHICS OH! SO  BRIGHT.

WELL THEN I MET SANDRA'S SCRIBBLES WITH ROMAN A JOY TO SEE.

ASTRA A LADY I  CHATTED WITH WHEN SHE ENCOURAGED ME.

I'M SORRY SHE HAD TO LEAVE US AS WE WERE GETTING ON FINE.

I AM STILL A LITTLE AFRAID OF CHAT BUT I KNOW IT WILL COME WITH TIME.

MY TEARS SEEMED TO LESSON SO QUICKLY AND I STARTED LAUGHING AGAIN.

J/LAND BRIGHTENED UP MY DAY AND I THOUGHT THIS IS MY GAIN.

ANOTHER FRIEND I THEN CAME ACROSS JOANS MUSINGS AND STUART FROM PERTH.

DEBBIE MARAINEY LEIGH AND MISSIE NOT KNOWING HOW MUCH THE'RE ALL WORTH.

SUSIE AND BRONNY AND JENNY WITH HER JOURNAL STOP THE CLOCK.

INDIGO MAGRAN CELESTE I DIDN'T NEED ELECTRIC SHOCKS.

AS THE HOSPITAL HAD SUGGESTED THE NEXT TREATMENT THAT WOULD BE.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN MY DOCTOR SAW A REALY BIG CHANGE IN ME.

HE ASKED DEAR KATH WAS HAS HAPPENED YOU SUDDENLY SEEM ALL AGLOW.

THERE'S NO MORE TEARS WHEN YOU VISIT ME CAN YOU TELL ME I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

WELL I HAVE BEEN PRAYING REAL HARD DOCTOR AND SUGAR HAS BEEN REAL KIND.

MARK WITH SALTY AND FRANK AND MARY THEN CAME INTO MY MIND.

TERRIE FROM GRAHAMFARMA AND OH! NOT FORGETTING FRIEND SAM.

TILLYWOO MILLIE AND LOVELY MARIE THERE WITH HER COOKING PLANS.

ROXXYMAMA SHELLEY WITH HER WONDEFUL GRAPHICS TOO.

THANKYOU FOR MY QUILT SQUARE ON MY SIDEBAR FACNG YOU.

MANY MORE I COULD MENTION SINCE I  POPPED ROUND J/LAND WAY.

I FEEL A COMPLETELY NEW PERSON EVER SINCE THAT DAY.

MY JOURNAL GIVES ME A CHANCE TO EXPRESS MANY MEMORIES I HAD LOCKED INSIDE.

GAVE ME A CHANCE TO LAUGH AGAIN SINCE THEN I DON'T THINK IV'E CRIED.

AS WHEN I WAKE UP EACH MORNING IF I FEEL SOME COMPANY I NEED.

I TAKE A TRIP THROUGH J/LAND AND ENJOY AN EXCELLANT READ.

THESE PEOPLE ARE KIND AND COSIDERATE SOMEONE IS ALWAYS THERE.

SO NOW I DON'T FEEL SO LONELY NO MORE FEELINGS OF KNOWONE CARES.

WELL SAID DOC THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL WITH A SMILE UPON HIS FACE.

I'M GOING TO NOW LESSON YOUR TABLETS UNTIL IN YOUR BLOOD NOT A TRACE.

I AM HAPPY NOW IT IS VALENTINES DAY AND I CAN SEND OUT ALL MY LOVE.

TO ALL OF YOU IN J/LAND AND ALSO THANK GOD ABOVE.

BECAUSE GOD AND YOU ALL HAVE SOMETHING A POWER WHICH GUIDED ME THROUGH.

EVERY  DAY SINCE LAST APRIL WHEN I FOUND OUT ALL ABOUT YOU.

SO FOR VALENTINES DAY I AM SENDING FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

"A BASKET OF ROSES TO ALL OF YOU"  THOUGH BEST NOT FORGET 

 "MY OLD FART"

  (HA HA ).

YES HOW COULD I NOT HAVE A LAUGH IN MY RYHME IT JUST WOULDN'T BE ME KATH.

WOULD IT NOW BE TRUTHFULL? SO I COULDN'T LEAVE OUT THAT.

THANKYOU FOR ALL YOUR COMMENTS AND TAKING OUT THE TIME.

TO ACCEPT ME AS ONE OF YOUR J/LAND FRIENDS I'VE NEVER FELT SO FINE.

A WONDERFUL DAY TO ALL OF YOU AND I HOPE YOU GET HUGS GALORE.

I CANNOT WAIT FOR MY BOUQET AND MY CARDS TO DROP ON THE FLOOR.

IV'E POSTED MY RHYME QUITE EARLY AS TODAY I"M PUSHED FOR  TIME.

I HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR ROSES IV'E SENT HERE IN "MY SIMPL

                                 " HAPPY VALENTINES DAY ""

                                               KATH

                                          ASTORIASAND

                   

             XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

          

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"WHEN IV'E WORKED OUT"

THE OTHER  SATURDAY MORNING I WENT ON A SHOPPING TRIP.

I PUT ON MY BEST UNDERWEAR TO SEE IF OWT WOULD FIT.

I WANTED TO PROVE THE MIRROR WRONG  AND HADN'T PUT ON A POUND.

AS MY REFLECTION WHEN I LOOKED THERE SEEMED TO MAKE ME FAT AND ROUND.

THE FIRST SHOP THAT I ENTERED HAD LOTS OF QUALITY CLOTHES.

TROUSERS TOPS AND SWEATERS AND SKIRTS DOWN TO MY TOES.

I SAW SOME VERY SMART TROUSERS THEY WERE JUST THE KIND I NEED.

SO I NIPPED INSIDE AND TRIED THEM ON AND FOUND I COULDN'T BREATH.

OH! MY GOD MY FAT IS TRAPPED WHATEVER CAN I DO.

THE ZIP GOT STUCK AND THERE I WAS MY FACE WAS TURNING BLUE.

EMOTIONS TURNED TO PANICK  SO I CALLED OUT TO THE GIRL.

CAN YOU COME AND HELP ME PLEASE MY MIND IS IN A WHIRL.

I'M FEELING KINDA DIZZY AND THE REASON IS YOU SEE.

THIS ZIP IS STUCK AND MY FATS TRAPPED PLEASE COME AND SET ME FREE.

SHE LOOKED AT ME BEWILDERED SIZE 12 YOU ASKED ME FOR.

THATS RIGHT I SAID I WAS A 12 WHEN I WALKED THROUGH YOUR DOOR.

LET ME HAVE A 14 THEN IF I CAN GET THESE OFF.

SHE TUGGED AND PULLED AT THIS ZIP TO SEE IF I COULD DOFF.

OUCH!!!!!  I SHOUTED LOUDLY YOU HAVE JUST NIPPED ALL MY SKIN.

WELL IF YOU DIDN'T EAT TOO MANY CAKES YOU MIGHT GET YOURSELF SLIM.

WHY? DO YOU THINK I'M FAT I ASKED SHE ANSWERED YES I DO.

I'M A VERY HONEST PERSON AND I WOULD NOT LIE TO YOU.

I WAS MOST OFFENDED SO I SAID OH! COME ON QUICK.

GET THESE TROUSERS OFF ME AND I'LL GO BOOK IN KEEP FIT.

I DON'T THINK YOUR GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL YOU'VE MOVED THAT ZIP.

AND IF IT BREAKS  IT'S  TWENTY POUND WITH THIS I ALMOST FLIPPED.

TWENTY POUND!!!   I HOLLOWED NOT LIKELY I'LL MOVE IT SOON.

I'LL SIT HERE IN THE CUBICLE MY FAT WILL GO BY NOON.

YOU SEE I'VE JUST HAD WEETABIX AND MY STOMACH IT DOES SWELL.

I DON'T THINK I HAVE PUT ON WEIGHT YOUR GARMENTS SMALL I CAN TELL.

SUPRIZED SHE WALKED AWAY FROM ME AND CALLED THE MANAGERESS.

SAID A LADY IN THE CUBICLE IS STUCK AND CARN'T GET DRESSED. (HA).

BY THIS TIME MY BACK ACHING FROM THE FAT IT ALL BEING TRAPPED.

AND WITH TUGGING AT THE ZIP NOW MY ENERGY HAD BEEN SAPPED.

FOR A LAUGH KATH SHOUTS GET THE FIRE BRIGADE THEY MIGHT KINDLY LOOSE.

THIS STUPID ZIP AND THEN MAYBE ANOTHER PAIR I'LL CHOOSE.

COS I'M NOT PAYING TWENTY POUND FOR A ZIP WHEN THE GARMENT IS SMALL FIT.

IT'S YOUR FAULT I AM STUCK IN HERE AND FEELING A FAT TWIT.

SO I TOOK A MIGHTY GREAT BIG BREATH AND THE GIRL SHE TUGGED AWAY.

THE ZIP IT FLOATED DOWN I SHOUTED HIP !! HIP!! HIP!!  HOORAY.

MY FAT ROLLED OUT INTO PLACE HEAVEN LET ME TELL YOU.

BUT I HAD THIS GREAT BIG INPRINT ON MY STOMACH TURNING BLUE.

INPRINTS JUST LIKE TRAM LINES I SAID LOOK WHAT IT'S DONE.

IT'S A GOOD JOB IT WASN'T AT THE BACK OR A WORSE SIGHT ON MY BUM.

BLOW IT I THOUGHT I'M OUT OF HERE  I HAD BEEN AN HOUR IN THIS SHOP.

ALREADY MY STOMACH WAS RUMBLING AGAIN SO I LEFT FOR THE COFFEE SHOP.

I SAT AND ORDERED A SARNY BACON AND TOMATO PLEASE.

MY OWN TROUSERS I WERE WEARING COMFY AND  I COULD RELEASE.

MY FAT AS MUCH AS I WANTED I THOUGHT I DON'T NEED TO SLIM.

THEM TROUSERS IN THAT SHOP WERE SMALL AND I DON'T WANT TO BE MORE TRIM.

MY SANDWHICH WAS DELICIUOS I WENT FOR A WALK ON THE PROM.

WENT INTO MARKS AND SPENCERS AND GOT A PAIR JUST PULL ON.

THERE COMFY AND ONLY A MERE SIZE 12 I'M REALY AS PLEASED AS PIE.

AND I'M CONVINCED SOME LABELS ON CLOTHES REALY DECEIVE THE EYE.

I CALLED INTO THE CHEMIST FOR SOME CREAM FOR MY TRAM LINES.

HOPING THAT MY STOMACH WOULD HEAL IN A VERY SHORT TIME.

I STILL CARN'T GET OVER £20 FOR A ZIP I THINK IT'S A LOT.

SO NEXT TIME I GO SHOPPING I'M NOT STOPPING AT THAT SHOP.

CHEEKY LITTLE MONKEY TELLING ME YES I THINK YOUR FAT.

IF I'D HAVE BEEN A SIZE THIRTY I COULD HAVE UNDERTOOD ALL THAT.

BUT SHE WAS ONLY ABOUT A SIZE SIX AND SHE MUST HAVE THOUGHT THAT I .

SHOULD SLIM AND LOOK LIKE A MATCHSTICK AS SHE LOOKED TO MY EYE.

WELL I'M GOING TO TRY AND GET RID OF MY FAT ON MY STOMACH AND GET IT FLAT (HA).

SO IT WON'T GET TRAPPED IN A ZIP AGAIN AND NOT EAT THIS AND THAT.

MAYBE THEN I WILL FEEL AT EASE WHEN I GO SHOPPING AG-EN.

AND I WON'T HAVE TO TAKE DEEP BREATHS LIKE I DID IN THAT SHOP BACK THEN.

THE ZIP WILL GLIDE UP AND DOWN WITH EASE AND I 'LL NOT BE OUT OF BREATH.

AS I MUST ADMIT WHEN I WAS STUCK THERE IT FRIGHTENED ME TO DEATH.

WHEN IV'E WORKED OUT AT MY KEEP FIT MY STOMACH WILL LOOK REAL FINE.

THE TRAM LINES GONE AND I'LL SIT HERE SIZE 10 WRITING  " MY SIMPLE RHYME"

                 

     ASTORISAND!!             KATH.

WISHFULL THINKING OR WHAT LOL!!!

"SEEMS I'M STILL A WALKING DISASTER "   LOL!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"WHEN I GOT UP"

I GOT UP ON SATURDAY TO DECORATE THE HALL.

MY NEIGHBOUR GAVE HER VIEW AND SAID IT DIDN'T WANT DOING AT ALL.

BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS GRUBBY WHEN I POPPED ON MY SPECS.

TO HAVE A LICK OF PAINT AND PAPER NO HARM WHAT THE HECK!!

I'D BOUGHT SOME PAINT FOR TOP HALF WHICH WAS LOVELY WHITE AS SNOW.

GOT OUT MY TOOLS AND SAID COME ON GIRL YOU CAN GO GIRL GO!!

MY ONLY FEAR THE STEPLADDERS CLIMBING TO THE TOP.

I IMAGINED I WAS 21 SAID OH! UP THEM GIRL YOU'LL HOP.

BEFORE I STARTED OUT I QUICKLY TOOK ANOTHER LOOK.

AT A PICTURE I HAD FOUND I LIKED IN A DECOR BOOK.

YES THATS HOW I WOULD LIKE IT  EXCITED I SAID TO MYSELF.

IT'LL LOOK REAL NICE WHEN FINISHED AND PLACED BACK MY MIRROR AND SHELF.

SO THEN I NEEDED BRUSHES AND AN APRON TO PUT ON.

I'D ALREADY GOT THEM OUT ONCE BUT I COULDN'T FIND WHERE THEY'D GONE.

I SEARCHED AROUND AND WONDERED WHEREVER CAN THEY BE.

I'D ONLY GOT THEM READY ON FRIDAY ROUND ABOUT THREE.

MY SPARE ROOM IS NOT SORTED YET FROM WHEN I MOVED IN HERE.

ONLY A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO NOW AND THERES ALSORTS STUCK IN THERE.

SO I LIFTED THIS AND LIFTED THAT AMAZING WHAT I HAD.

WHEN SUDDENLY I SPOTTED THERE A ROLLER WITH SPONGE PAD.

OH! THIS WILL DO THE JOB GREAT TWO TICKS AND IT WILL BE  DONE.

YOU ALL KNOW ME BY NOW OF COURSE I THOUGHT OH! THIS WILL BE FUN.

I'M THINKING GETTING EXERSIZE AND THAT WILL DO ME GOOD.

WHEN FROM  A SHELF IN MY SPARE ROOM COMES CRASHING DOWN SOME WOOD.

IT HIT ME ON THE HEAD I SAID WELL THATS A FINE START NOW.

BUT I'M GOING TO CARRY ON AND GET THE JOB DONE SOME OLD HOW.

I STILL COULDN'T FIND MY APRON SO I TOOK A DUSTBIN BAG.

A HOLE I CUT FOR MY HEAD AND ARMS SO YES WELL CLAD.

THE PAINT TIN IT WAS HEAVY IN FACT IT WEIGHED A TON.

GOOD GRIEF I THOUGHT MY ARM WILL DROP OFF BY THE TIME IV'E DONE.

I COULDN'T FIND A PAINT TRAY SO I GOT AN OLD MEAT TIN.

TIPPED SOME OF THE PAINT OUT WHILE HALF OF IT RAN IN.

STEADILY I CLIMED TO THE TOP I DID MY VERY BEST.

THEN USED THE TOP STEP FOR MY MEAT TIN THERE FOR IT TO REST.

STARTED SPLASHING UP AND DOWN  ROUND THE ROLLER FLEW.

I WAS DOING IT LIKE LIGHTENING THEN THE END DROPPED OFF I KNEW!!!

FLIPPING HECK I SHOUTED WHERES MY ROLLER GONE.

IT HAD SPLATTERED TO THE FLOOR AND I WAS TIGHTLY HANGING ON.

THERE IN MID AIR FOR MY LIFE AT THE VERY TOP.

STEP BY STEP I CAME BACK DOWN I DARN'T LOOK DOWN OR STOP.

I BANGED MY ELBOW ON THE DOOR KNOB WHAT A SHOCK I GOT.

SHOUTED IV'E HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!  THE DECOR IT CAN ROT.

I THREW THE HANDLE OF THE ROLLER RIGHT OUT OF MY HAND.

THAT HIT THE RADIATOR WITH A MIGHTY BANG.

WONDERING IF I'D DAMAGED IT I STEPPED OUT TO MY RIGHT.

KNOCKED THE LADDERS THE MEAT TIN TIPPED OH! WHAT A FLIPPING SIGHT.

I WAS COVERED IN WHITE EMULSION FROM MY HEAD DOWN TO MY TOE.

THE DOORBELL RANG AND I THOUGHT ARHHHHH!! WHO'S THIS I DON'T KNOW.

THEN IT  BUZZED AGAIN  WONDERING WHO CAN THIS BE THEN.

STEPPED TO ONE SIDE FORGETTING MYSELF AND STOOD IN THE TIN  AG-EN.

MY NEIGHBOUR SHOUTS ARE YOU OK KATH I SHOUTS YES I'M FINE.

BUT I CANNOT OPEN THE DOOR MAGGIE IT'S DECORATING TIME.

OH! SHE SAID I HEARD THE BANG AND WONDERED WHAT IT WAS.

I DIDN'T TELL HER WHAT I'D DONE QUITE SIMPLY BECAUSE.

I KNEW SHE WOULD PLAY POP WITH ME AND SAY YOU ARE TOO OLD.

TO BE CLIMBING UP THEM  LADDERS AS THIS SH'ED ALREADY TOLD.

I CALLED OUT SORRY MAGGIE I CANNOT OPEN THE DOOR.

IV'E GOT SOME SHEETS DOWN FOR PAINTING SPREAD AROUND THE FLOOR.

SHE REPLIED OH! THATS OK! KATH AS LONG AS YOUR ALRIGHT.

UNDER MY BREATH I WISPERED OH! YES I'M COVERED IN WHITE.

FLIPPING THICK EMULSION WITH A LUMP UPON MY HEAD.

MY BIG TOE I HAD KNOCKED UP AND WISHED I'D CALLED ON FRED.

TO PAINT AND PAPER MY SMALL HALL BEFORE I TRIED ALONE.

THEN A MEMORY CAME FLOATING BACK TO ME WHEN A GIRL AT HOME.

THIS MESS THAT IWAS IN WAS FROM THE PAINT OUT OF A TIN.

BUT MY MEMORY WAS OF PASTE  AND MY THOUGHT' S WENT STRAIGHT TO HIM.

ABOUT A SONG MY FATHER USED TO SING WHEN I WAS YOUNG.

SO I THOUGHT I'D WRITE IT HERE FOR YOU I HOPE YOU FIND IT FUN.

WHEN FATHER PAPERED THE PARLOUR
by
R. P. Weston
Performed by Billy Williams

Our parlour wanted papering,
And Pa says it was waste
To call a paperhanger in,
And so he made some paste.
He bought some rolls of paper,
Got a ladder and a brush
And with my mummy's nightgown on,
At it he made a rush.

Chorus:
When Father papered the parlour
You couldn't see him for paste
Dabbing it here! dabbing it there!
Paste and paper everywhere
Mother was stuck to the ceiling
The children stuck to the floor
I never knew a blooming family
So 'stuck up' before.


The pattern was 'blue roses'
with its leaves red, white, and brown;
He'd stuck it wrong way up and now,
we all walk upside down.
And when he trimm'd the edging
off the paper with the shears,
The cat got underneath it,
and dad cut off both its ears.



Soon dad fell down the stairs
and dropp'd his paperhanger's can
On little Henrietta sitting there
with her young man,
The paste stuck them together,
as we thought t'would be for life,
We had to fetch the parson in
to make them man and wife.



We're never going to move away
from that house any more
For Father's gone and stuck the chairs
and table to the floor,
We can't find our piano,
thoughit's broad and rather tall,
We think that it's behind the paper
Pa stuck on the wall.


Now, Father's sticking in the pub,
through treading in the paste,
And all the family's so upset,
they've all gone pasty faced.
While Pa says, now that Ma has spread
the news from north to south,
He wishes he had dropped a blob
of paste in Mother's mouth. (Haaaaaaaa)

SO NOW YOU KNOW WHY IV'E CALLED OFF MY DECOR SATURDAY.

AS LIKE FATHER SANG I COULD SEE MYSELF ENDING UP JUST THE SAME WAY.

IV'E NOW JUST RANG UP FRED HE'S CALLING ROUND TOMORROW TEA.

SO I'M SCRUBBING NOW IN THE BATH TUB ALL THE PAINT OFF ME.

WHEN FREDS ALL DONE AND DUSTED AND  MAGGY CALLS ON ME .

I HOPE I HAVN'T BEEN PAPERED OVER LIKE PA DID 

 HE -HE-HE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

" I HAD TEARDROPS IN MY EYES"

WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING I HAD TEARDROPS IN MY EYES.

MY PILLOW WAS ALL DAMP AND WET AND THEN I REALISED WHY.

I REMEBERED DREAMING VIVIDLY AND THE PICTURES WERE SO REAL.

WHEN I THOUGHT THE DREAM BACK OVER SO HAPPY IT MADE ME FEEL.

IT WAS WONDERFUL I WAS EXCITED I WAS ALMOST ON CLOUD NINE.

SAT IN THE LOUNGE OF A HOUSE WHICH I HAD AND THE CHILDREN WERE SMALL AT THAT TIME.

GATHERED ALL AROUND ME CUDDLED UP CLOSE  THREE BOYS.

 MY DAUGHTER SAT UPON MY KNEE NOT A SOUND AT ALL NO NOISE.

WE WERE WATCHING LOTS OF TV PROGRAMS ALL FROM VINTAGE YEARS.

I MUST HAVE SO ENJOYED THEM WHEN THE DREAM FINISHED I HAD TEARS.

THIS IS WHAT MUST HAVE WOKE ME AND IT'S TRUTHFUL IF I MAY SAY.

WHEN I WOKE UP I WAS WISHING IT HAD ALL BEEN REAL TODAY.

CUDDLED UP AMONGST THEM ALL I WAS FEELING OH! SO GOOD.

AS A MOTHER WITH HER CHILDREN  SMALL AROUND HER REALY SHOULD.

WHEN THEY WERE SMALL THEY  ALL BROUGHT  SO MUCH HAPPINESS TO ME.

AS IV'E MENTION PREVIOUS CUDDLED AROUND ME ALL SAT ON MY KNEE.

WELL THE PROGRAMS WE WERE WATCHING I SO MUCH DID ENJOY.

SOME FROM BEFORE THE KIDS WERE BORN AND FAVOURITES OF MY BOYS.

MY DAUGHTER LOVED ANDY PANDY SHE WOULD SIT THERE NOT A SOUND .

MY MIDDLE SON  LOVED SOOTY WHEN HARRY CORBETT  WAS AROUND.

MY ELDEST BOY LOVED THE WOODENTOPS ALSO WEED AND BILL AND BEN.

AND THE YOUNGEST HE LOVED TRUMTON WAY AGO BACK THEN.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIREMEN MUM HE WOULD SAY TO ME.

AND I WOULD SHOUT OUT ALL THERE NAMES THEY WOULD GIGGLE AND ALL LAUGH AT ME.

PUGH PUGH BARNEY McGREW CUTHBERT DIBBLE GRUB.

AS I DID THIS I WOULD TAP THERE HEADS AND GIVE THERE HAIR A RUB.

ALL OF THEM WOULD LAUGH WITH JOY WE ALWAYS HAD SUCH FUN.

THE NEXT MINUTE WE WERE WATCHING OLD ADVERTS HERE ARE SOME.

P.G.TIPS WITH THE MONKEYS AT THE TABLE MAKING TEA.

THEN A LINE OF SOLDIERS MARCHING SINGING OUT TO ME.

A TUNE I CLEARLY REMEMBER AND I BET ALL OF YOU DO TOO.

THIS IS WHAT IT WENT LIKE WHY DON'T YOU SING IT THROUGH.

MURRY MINTS  MURRY MINTS  THE TOO GOOD TO HURRY MINTS.

EVERY SO MANY MINUTES ALL THE KIDS PROGRAMS WOULD STOP.

AND THESE OLD ADVERTS WOULD COME ON AGAIN I REMEMBERED QUITE A LOT.

ONE WITH A LITTLE BOY ON A BIKE CYCLING AWAY HE WOULD GO.

OFF TO FETCH HIS GRANDMA AND GRANDAD A HOVIS  THEY LOVED IT SO.

THEN THERE WAS ONE THAT POPPED UP AND MY DAD WAS STOOD WATCHING THERE.

FOR RAEL BROOK TOPLIN THE SHIRT YOU DON'T IRON MY DREAM WAS LIKE LIFE I SWEAR.

MOTHER WAS VISITING ON THAT DAY IN THE KITCHEN SHE HAD MADE BUNS.

AND THE KIDS WERE ALL RUNNING UP TO HER WATCHING TILL SHE GAVE THEM SOME.

AFTER THEY'D EATEN ALL THERE BUNS  ON CAME LARRY THE LAMB.

PRETTY OLD ARE SOME OF THESE BUT I WAS TOO A FAN.

ONE FOLLOWED I DO NOT REMEMBER BUT FATHER SAID HE USED TO DROOL

WITH ME AND MY SISTERS ON HIS KNEE HE CALLED IT MUFFIN THE MULE.

THIS WAS ONE OF THE FIRST ONES A PUPPET WHICH WORKED WITH STRINGS.

HE SAID MY WORD THIS LITTLE FELLOW  MEMORIES TO ME IT BRINGS.

WE SAT THERE FOR HOURS WATCHING  NOT A MURMOUR OR A WAIL.

THEN MY DAUGHTER GOT REALY EXCITED AND SHOUTED OH! MUM IT'S RAG TAG  BOBTAIL.

I HAD NO IDEA WHY ALL THESE WERE ON IN ONE SHOW IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

BUT ALL THESE PROGRAMS WERE PLAIN AS DAY IN THIS ONE LONG DREAM.

ALL I CAN SAY IT WAS WONDERFUL AND A GREAT DREAM OF  MEMORY.

THAT I WILL REMEMBER FOR SUCH A LONG TIME  GOING  BACK TO THIS TIME DO YOU SEE.

PINKY AND PERKY THEN FOLLOWED ON YES THE TWO LITTLE PIGS.

MY DAUGHTER WAS DANCING AROUND THE ROOM DOING TIPPY TOPPY TAILS AND JIGS.

THEN FINALLY CAME THE WOMBLES SONG IT WAS A DELIGHTFUL SOUND.

ME AND THE CHILDREN ALL SINGING TOGETHER WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDAD AROUND.

YES WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING "I HAD TEARDROPS IN MY EYES"

AND I THINK THEY MUST HAVE BEEN TEARS OF JOY THAT TOOK ME BY SUPRIZE.

IN THIS WONDERFUL DREAM OF YESTERYEAR WHEN ALL MY CHILDREN WERE SMALL.

AND IF I COULD HAVE GONE BACK TO DREAMING I WOULDN'T HAVE MINDED AT ALL.

IT WAS SUCH A FANTASTIC FEELING BEING BACK THERE IN THOSE GOOD OLD DAYS.

WITH ALL THE CHILDREN WATCHING TV WITH ME IN SO MANY WAYS.

I HOPE MY DREAM JOGGED YOUR MEMORIES AND YOU

TOO REMEMBERED THEM ALL.

MAYBE YOU CAN DREAM NOW AND THINK BACK TO WHEN YOUR KIDS WERE SMALL.

THOUGH MY PILLOW WAS WET WITH TEARS IN MY EYES FROM THE DREAM GOING BACK TO THAT TIME.

I'D LOVE TO REPEAT IT ALL AGAIN WHAT I'VE WROTE   IN " MY SIMPLE RHYME " .

                 

 

      

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE"

"THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A NIGHMARE"

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE LIVING IN MY FLAT.

THERES BEEN A LOT OF COMMOTION HAPPENING ROUND THE BACK.

A GUY LAST YEAR BOUGHT A PROPERTY AND FROM THE ENVIROMENT dept WE  GOT.

A LETTER OF OBJECTION ON HIS PLANS ABOUT THIS PLOT.

WE ALL DECIDED NO WE WER'NT BOTHERED OR NOT AROUSED.

IF HE CONVERTED IT TO FLATS OR A 6 BEDROOMED HOUSE.

WELL MONDAY MORNING I WAS SAT  QUIET WHEN I HEARD THIS ALMIGHTY BANG.

IT FRIGHTENED THE FLIPPING LIFE OUT OF ME THIS DIRTY GREAT BIG CLANG.

I LOOKED OUT OF THE WINDOW THE SCAFFOLDERS WERE HERE.

IF THIS WAS THE START OF THE PROJECT THEN ROLL ON THE END I FEARED.

BOOM BANG CLATTER CRASH I HEARD ALL MORNING IT WENT ON.

THE RAIN WAS LASHING DOWN SO HARD I COULDN'T EVEN WALK THE PROM.

I'M ALWAYS IN MY KITCHEN SO WHY CHANGE MY OWN ROUTINE.

JUST BEcAUSE THE RIGGERS CAME AND FOR WHAT I HAD SEEN.

SO I CARRIED ON REGARDLESS THEN BOOM ANOTHER CLASH.

RUNNING TO MY WINDOW I MADE A SPEEDY DASH.

THERE WAS A YOUNG GUY STOOD UPON THIS great big HAULAGE TRUCK.

SLINGING THESE METAL POLES FROM IT AND WITH A CRASH ON THE FLOOR THEY STRUCK.

BOOM CLATTER CLASH THEY FELL TO THE FLOOR I WAS JUST ABOUT  SICK TO DEATH.

THIS WENT ON FOREVER AND SOME OF THEM TOOK MY BREATH.

THEY CAME OUT OF THE BLUE WHEN I WAS BUSY AT MY WORK.

AND WHEN I HEARD THE CRASHING NOISE IT MADE ME JUMP AND JERK.

SO I YELLED OUT OF THE WINDOW IS THERE ANY NEED FOR THAT.

WE ARE ALL AGED PENSIONERS LIVING HERE IN THESE PRIVATE FLATS.

HE TURNED AND LOOKED AROUND AT ME THIS STUPID LOOKING CHAP.

WELL IV'E HEARD IT ALL NOW MRS WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP.

I SAID I BEG YOUR PARDON BUT THEM BANGS ARE FRIGHTENING ME.

MY NEIGHBOUR CANNOT STAND IT SHE'S GOT ANGINA DON'T YOU SEE.

FOUR  MORE BLOKES WERE RIGGING BY NOW ON THE  VERY TOP  FLOOR.

STARTED LAUGHING AND SNIGGERING I WISHED I'D HAD A BACK DOOR.

WHAT ARE YOU TWO LAUGHING AT I YELLED ONE DAY YOU'LL KNOW.

WHEN YOU'LL BE A FLIPPING PENSIONER YOU IGNORANT SO AND SO'S.

WITH THIS I CLOSED MY WINDOW AND WENT INTO THE FRONT ROOM.

AS I SAT DOWN I'M NOT KIDDING YOU THERE WAS THIS TERRIFIC  BOOOOOM!!!!

MY BODY SHOOK FROM HEAD TO TOE I THOUGHT AN EXPLOSION OF GAS.

AS I LOOKED AGAIN ONE OF THE MEN WAS SMASHING ALL THE GLASS.

WITH A VERY BIG LARGE HAMMER KNOCKING NAILS FROM  THE WINDOWS IN THIS BLOCK.

THEN ALL THE WINDOW FRAMES THEMSELVES DOWN TO THE FLOOR HE KNOCKED.

OH! GOD I CANNOT STAND THIS NOISE MY HEAD WAS GOING MAD.

I WAS SHAKING LIKE A LEAF AND IN PAIN I FELT REALY BAD.

NEXT MINUTE CAME THIS DRILLING SOUND SO LOUD IT BLOCKED MY EARS.

THIS WAS ONLY THE VERY FIRST DAY  I WAS ALMOST SHEDDING TEARS.

BOOM BANG SMASH DRILL DRILL DRILL IT NEVER SEEMED TO CEASE.

GOOD GRIEF I THOUGHT THREE MONTHS OF THIS I'LL NEVER HAVE NO PEACE.

SO I FOUND IN A BOX SOME EAR PLUGS AND I CAREFULLY PUT THEM IN.

TIED AROUND MY HEAD A SCARF AND FASTENED IT UNDER MY CHIN.

LEANED OUT OF THE WINDOW TO SEE IF THIS DID BLUFF.

THE SOUND OF ALL THESE NOISES OF BANGS AND CLANGS AND STUFF.

ONE OF THE GUYS HE SPOTTED ME AND SHOUTS OUT TO HIS MATE.

HA HA ! GYPSIE ROSA LEE HAS PUT HER SCARF ON TO TELL OUR FATE.

WELL I THOUGHT THE VERY CHEEK OF IT THIS GENERATION TODAY.

THEY DON'T FLIPPING GIVE A HOOT AT ALL NOT EVEN IF YOUR GREY.

I CALLED OUT DON'T BE RUDE YOUNG MAN I'M COMING TO SEE YOUR BOSS.

HE YELLED BACK COME AND SEE WHO YA LIKE "I DON'T GIVE A TOSS"

WOUND UP WASN'T THE WORD RIGHT NOW I COULD HAVE STRANGLED HIM.

AND BOTH HIS MATES STOOD LAUGHING AT ME WITH MY SCARF TIED UNDER MY CHIN.

WELL I GIVE A TOSS!!! I SHOUTED BACK AND I KNOW YOU'VE A JOB TO DO.

BY THIS TIME THEY HAD A RADIO ON AND THIS WAS BLASTING OUT TOO.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH THE DRILLING I SAID AND THE BANGS AND CLANGS ARE ENOUGH.

WITHOUT HAVING TO LISTEN TO ALL THAT RAP AND ALL THAT CRAZY STUFF.

HE SHOUTS WHAT ABOUT SINATRA THEN WOULD YOU LIKE A BIT OF THAT.

HISMATES AGAIN START LAUGHING FROM UPSTAIRS AT THE VERY TOP FLAT.

I'M COMING ROUND THERE TOMORROW I SHOUTS I'LL GIVE YOU YOUNG LOT WHAT FOR.

WITH THIS HE LOOKED ME IN THE EYE AND DROPPED ANOTHER POLE TO THE FLOOR.

C-R-A-S-H  I FELT THE EARTH SHAKE FROM UNDERNEATH MY FEET.

IF I'D BEEN A PREGNANT WOMAN THEY'D HAVE HAD A NEW BORN TO GREET.

MY EAR PLUGS WERE NOT WORKING GYPSY LEE WAS GETTING MAD.

BY THIS TIME IT WAS 12'O'CLOCK AND FOUR HOURS OF THIS  I'D HAD.

OF THIS BANGING BOOMING CLANGING LOUD MUSIC IN THE AIR.

AND THESE SIX  GUYS JUST DIDIN'T GIVE A HOOT THEY SIMPLY DIDN'T CARE.

SO I DECIDED BEST FOR ME WAS TO GO AND GET IN BED.

PULL THE DUVET OVER ME AND REST MY BANGING HEAD.

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE IT'S HAPPENED EVERY DAY.

WITH HOWLING WINDS AND RAIN AROUND I COULDN'T GET OUT ANYWAY.

SO IV'E DECIDED NEXT WEEK I'M MOVING INTO THE SPARE ROOM.

WITH MY COMPUTER AND PAPER AND PEN FROM ALL THATBOOM BOOM BOOM.

IF BY CHANCE YOU ALL DON'T GET A COMMENT BY THIS TIME.

YOU'LL KNOW IV'E THROWN MYSELF OFF THE SCAFFOLD SO I WON'T BE WRITING RHYME.

COS I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE ANY MORE OF THE BOOM BANG CLASH AND RAP.

AND NOT TO MENTION THE CURSEING THEY DO AND ALL THE OTHER CRAP.

SO THATS BEEN MY WEEK MY J/LAND FRIENDS I HAVN'T HAD MANY LAUGHS.

AND YOU ALL KNOW ME BY NOW THATS NOT THE USUAL KATH.

THEN AGAIN I THOUGHT I MIGHT DO A WOlFY AND HAVE ANOTHER TRY.

      (WOLFY IS THE WORLD DARTS CHAMPION) HA!

AND SCAORE A HUNDRED AND EIGHTY THROWING SATSUMAS AGAIN IN THERE EYES.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY SATSUMAS WELL JUST LET ME SAY.

I AIMED ONE AT A BAD COUPLE ONE DAY AND THEY JUST RAN AWAY.

SO IT'S CALLED MY AMMUNITION MY BOWL OF SATSUMAS YOU SEE.

AND THERE VERY FIPPING HANDY IF ANYONE CROSSES ME.

WELL LET ME TELL YOU THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW I DON'T THINK THEY'LL MAKE MUCH MORE NOISE.

NEXT WEEK AS I BEAT THEM ALL OFF TODAY AND WHEN FINISHED NOT A SINGLE VOICE.

WHEN MY NEIGHBOUR POPPED IN THIS MORNING SHE TOLD ME THEY'D LEFT ME A NOTE.

SO I QUICKLY TOOK IT FROM HER WENT UPSTAIRS SO HERE PLEASE NOTE :-

                       THIS IS WHAT IT READ.

TO ALL THE GUYS WHO WORK FOR US PLEASE READ THIS WARNING NOW.

WEV'E PINNED THIS IN THE TRUCK TODAY TO TRY AND TELL YOU HOW.

ME AND MY MATES ON THE JOB AT 49 ARE TERRIFIED OF HER.

SO NEXT WEEK PLEASE WORK QUIET AND DON'T TRY AND CONQUER HER.

SHE HANGS TIGHT FROM HER WINDOW LIKE A BAT INSIDE A BARN.

WITH A BOWL OF ORANGE AMMUNITION SHE HAS TUCKED UNDER HER LEFT ARM.

ONE CAME FLYING OVER IT HIT JOHNNY SO HARD HE WENT QUEER.

I WENT QUICKLY TO HIS AID WHILE SHE FIRED MORE AND CHEERED.

ONE HIT POOR OLD RAULPH IN THE GOOLIES ON HIS KNEES HE COLLAPSED RIGHT THERE.

WHEN FRED SHOUTED  RIGHT COME ON GYPSY LEE TRY ME GIRL IF YA DARE.

ANOTHER OF THE ORANGE  BULLETS KNOCKED HIM DOWN AND ONLY LEFT US THREE

WE WERE STOOD THERE SHAKING IN OUR SKINS PETER PAUL AND ME.

ASKING THE LORD TO SAVE US AND FORGIVE US FOR OUR SINS.

THEN SHE LET RIP WITH HALF A DOZEN OF THEM THEY  HIT PAUL HE FELL INTO THE BINS

WHEN PETER LOOKED HE WAS ON THE FLOOR AND HIS FACE IT HAD TURNED ALL BLUE.

RIGHT SHE SHOUTED DON'T CROSS ME COME ON YOU OTHER TWO.

THIS BLONDE YOUNG PENSIONER WAS SHOUTING OUT AND SHE'S AIMING ONE AT ME.

I DUCKED AND IT HIT POOR PETER RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES.

I WAS STANDING THERE ALL BY MYSELF SO I WIZZED AWAY  LIKE A FLY.

SO WHEN YOU COME ON THIS JOB NEXT WEEK  A SILENCER PUT ON YOUR TOOLS.

COS GYPSY LEE WILL HAVE YOU ALL AND SHE'S NO FLIPPING FOOL.

WE HAVE PINNED THIS NOTE ON OUR TRUCK TODAY FOR ALL OF YOU TO SEE.

THE RULES OF THE JOB AT SYCAMORE DRIVE ARE BE QUIET FROM NINE TILL THREE.

OR GYPSY LEE WILL BE HANGING OUT THERE FROM HER WINDOW SO FULL OF SCORN.

AND SHE'LL HAVE YOUR GUTS FOR GARTERS YOU'LL REGRET THE DAY YOU WERE BORN.

WATCH OUT FOR HER SHE'S A REAL ONE HAS A SCARF TIED UNDER HER CHIN.

AND SHE'S GOT PLENTY AMMUNITION PROBABLY A FULL WHEELY BIN.

 WE'LL NEVER  FORGET SHE KNOCKED SIX OF US DOWN ONE RAINY DAY AT DAWN.

WHEN SHE WALKED AWAY FROM HER WINDOW WE WERE all TATTERED AND TORN.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

SO I'M HOPING NOW BY NEXT WEEK IT'S QUIET AND I'll be FEELING FINE.

YES KATH WILL BE BACK AND HAVING ANOTHER  LAUGH HERE IN MY SIMPLE RHYME.

HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!