THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE"

"THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A NIGHMARE"

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE LIVING IN MY FLAT.

THERES BEEN A LOT OF COMMOTION HAPPENING ROUND THE BACK.

A GUY LAST YEAR BOUGHT A PROPERTY AND FROM THE ENVIROMENT dept WE  GOT.

A LETTER OF OBJECTION ON HIS PLANS ABOUT THIS PLOT.

WE ALL DECIDED NO WE WER'NT BOTHERED OR NOT AROUSED.

IF HE CONVERTED IT TO FLATS OR A 6 BEDROOMED HOUSE.

WELL MONDAY MORNING I WAS SAT  QUIET WHEN I HEARD THIS ALMIGHTY BANG.

IT FRIGHTENED THE FLIPPING LIFE OUT OF ME THIS DIRTY GREAT BIG CLANG.

I LOOKED OUT OF THE WINDOW THE SCAFFOLDERS WERE HERE.

IF THIS WAS THE START OF THE PROJECT THEN ROLL ON THE END I FEARED.

BOOM BANG CLATTER CRASH I HEARD ALL MORNING IT WENT ON.

THE RAIN WAS LASHING DOWN SO HARD I COULDN'T EVEN WALK THE PROM.

I'M ALWAYS IN MY KITCHEN SO WHY CHANGE MY OWN ROUTINE.

JUST BEcAUSE THE RIGGERS CAME AND FOR WHAT I HAD SEEN.

SO I CARRIED ON REGARDLESS THEN BOOM ANOTHER CLASH.

RUNNING TO MY WINDOW I MADE A SPEEDY DASH.

THERE WAS A YOUNG GUY STOOD UPON THIS great big HAULAGE TRUCK.

SLINGING THESE METAL POLES FROM IT AND WITH A CRASH ON THE FLOOR THEY STRUCK.

BOOM CLATTER CLASH THEY FELL TO THE FLOOR I WAS JUST ABOUT  SICK TO DEATH.

THIS WENT ON FOREVER AND SOME OF THEM TOOK MY BREATH.

THEY CAME OUT OF THE BLUE WHEN I WAS BUSY AT MY WORK.

AND WHEN I HEARD THE CRASHING NOISE IT MADE ME JUMP AND JERK.

SO I YELLED OUT OF THE WINDOW IS THERE ANY NEED FOR THAT.

WE ARE ALL AGED PENSIONERS LIVING HERE IN THESE PRIVATE FLATS.

HE TURNED AND LOOKED AROUND AT ME THIS STUPID LOOKING CHAP.

WELL IV'E HEARD IT ALL NOW MRS WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP.

I SAID I BEG YOUR PARDON BUT THEM BANGS ARE FRIGHTENING ME.

MY NEIGHBOUR CANNOT STAND IT SHE'S GOT ANGINA DON'T YOU SEE.

FOUR  MORE BLOKES WERE RIGGING BY NOW ON THE  VERY TOP  FLOOR.

STARTED LAUGHING AND SNIGGERING I WISHED I'D HAD A BACK DOOR.

WHAT ARE YOU TWO LAUGHING AT I YELLED ONE DAY YOU'LL KNOW.

WHEN YOU'LL BE A FLIPPING PENSIONER YOU IGNORANT SO AND SO'S.

WITH THIS I CLOSED MY WINDOW AND WENT INTO THE FRONT ROOM.

AS I SAT DOWN I'M NOT KIDDING YOU THERE WAS THIS TERRIFIC  BOOOOOM!!!!

MY BODY SHOOK FROM HEAD TO TOE I THOUGHT AN EXPLOSION OF GAS.

AS I LOOKED AGAIN ONE OF THE MEN WAS SMASHING ALL THE GLASS.

WITH A VERY BIG LARGE HAMMER KNOCKING NAILS FROM  THE WINDOWS IN THIS BLOCK.

THEN ALL THE WINDOW FRAMES THEMSELVES DOWN TO THE FLOOR HE KNOCKED.

OH! GOD I CANNOT STAND THIS NOISE MY HEAD WAS GOING MAD.

I WAS SHAKING LIKE A LEAF AND IN PAIN I FELT REALY BAD.

NEXT MINUTE CAME THIS DRILLING SOUND SO LOUD IT BLOCKED MY EARS.

THIS WAS ONLY THE VERY FIRST DAY  I WAS ALMOST SHEDDING TEARS.

BOOM BANG SMASH DRILL DRILL DRILL IT NEVER SEEMED TO CEASE.

GOOD GRIEF I THOUGHT THREE MONTHS OF THIS I'LL NEVER HAVE NO PEACE.

SO I FOUND IN A BOX SOME EAR PLUGS AND I CAREFULLY PUT THEM IN.

TIED AROUND MY HEAD A SCARF AND FASTENED IT UNDER MY CHIN.

LEANED OUT OF THE WINDOW TO SEE IF THIS DID BLUFF.

THE SOUND OF ALL THESE NOISES OF BANGS AND CLANGS AND STUFF.

ONE OF THE GUYS HE SPOTTED ME AND SHOUTS OUT TO HIS MATE.

HA HA ! GYPSIE ROSA LEE HAS PUT HER SCARF ON TO TELL OUR FATE.

WELL I THOUGHT THE VERY CHEEK OF IT THIS GENERATION TODAY.

THEY DON'T FLIPPING GIVE A HOOT AT ALL NOT EVEN IF YOUR GREY.

I CALLED OUT DON'T BE RUDE YOUNG MAN I'M COMING TO SEE YOUR BOSS.

HE YELLED BACK COME AND SEE WHO YA LIKE "I DON'T GIVE A TOSS"

WOUND UP WASN'T THE WORD RIGHT NOW I COULD HAVE STRANGLED HIM.

AND BOTH HIS MATES STOOD LAUGHING AT ME WITH MY SCARF TIED UNDER MY CHIN.

WELL I GIVE A TOSS!!! I SHOUTED BACK AND I KNOW YOU'VE A JOB TO DO.

BY THIS TIME THEY HAD A RADIO ON AND THIS WAS BLASTING OUT TOO.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH THE DRILLING I SAID AND THE BANGS AND CLANGS ARE ENOUGH.

WITHOUT HAVING TO LISTEN TO ALL THAT RAP AND ALL THAT CRAZY STUFF.

HE SHOUTS WHAT ABOUT SINATRA THEN WOULD YOU LIKE A BIT OF THAT.

HISMATES AGAIN START LAUGHING FROM UPSTAIRS AT THE VERY TOP FLAT.

I'M COMING ROUND THERE TOMORROW I SHOUTS I'LL GIVE YOU YOUNG LOT WHAT FOR.

WITH THIS HE LOOKED ME IN THE EYE AND DROPPED ANOTHER POLE TO THE FLOOR.

C-R-A-S-H  I FELT THE EARTH SHAKE FROM UNDERNEATH MY FEET.

IF I'D BEEN A PREGNANT WOMAN THEY'D HAVE HAD A NEW BORN TO GREET.

MY EAR PLUGS WERE NOT WORKING GYPSY LEE WAS GETTING MAD.

BY THIS TIME IT WAS 12'O'CLOCK AND FOUR HOURS OF THIS  I'D HAD.

OF THIS BANGING BOOMING CLANGING LOUD MUSIC IN THE AIR.

AND THESE SIX  GUYS JUST DIDIN'T GIVE A HOOT THEY SIMPLY DIDN'T CARE.

SO I DECIDED BEST FOR ME WAS TO GO AND GET IN BED.

PULL THE DUVET OVER ME AND REST MY BANGING HEAD.

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE IT'S HAPPENED EVERY DAY.

WITH HOWLING WINDS AND RAIN AROUND I COULDN'T GET OUT ANYWAY.

SO IV'E DECIDED NEXT WEEK I'M MOVING INTO THE SPARE ROOM.

WITH MY COMPUTER AND PAPER AND PEN FROM ALL THATBOOM BOOM BOOM.

IF BY CHANCE YOU ALL DON'T GET A COMMENT BY THIS TIME.

YOU'LL KNOW IV'E THROWN MYSELF OFF THE SCAFFOLD SO I WON'T BE WRITING RHYME.

COS I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE ANY MORE OF THE BOOM BANG CLASH AND RAP.

AND NOT TO MENTION THE CURSEING THEY DO AND ALL THE OTHER CRAP.

SO THATS BEEN MY WEEK MY J/LAND FRIENDS I HAVN'T HAD MANY LAUGHS.

AND YOU ALL KNOW ME BY NOW THATS NOT THE USUAL KATH.

THEN AGAIN I THOUGHT I MIGHT DO A WOlFY AND HAVE ANOTHER TRY.

      (WOLFY IS THE WORLD DARTS CHAMPION) HA!

AND SCAORE A HUNDRED AND EIGHTY THROWING SATSUMAS AGAIN IN THERE EYES.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY SATSUMAS WELL JUST LET ME SAY.

I AIMED ONE AT A BAD COUPLE ONE DAY AND THEY JUST RAN AWAY.

SO IT'S CALLED MY AMMUNITION MY BOWL OF SATSUMAS YOU SEE.

AND THERE VERY FIPPING HANDY IF ANYONE CROSSES ME.

WELL LET ME TELL YOU THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW I DON'T THINK THEY'LL MAKE MUCH MORE NOISE.

NEXT WEEK AS I BEAT THEM ALL OFF TODAY AND WHEN FINISHED NOT A SINGLE VOICE.

WHEN MY NEIGHBOUR POPPED IN THIS MORNING SHE TOLD ME THEY'D LEFT ME A NOTE.

SO I QUICKLY TOOK IT FROM HER WENT UPSTAIRS SO HERE PLEASE NOTE :-

                       THIS IS WHAT IT READ.

TO ALL THE GUYS WHO WORK FOR US PLEASE READ THIS WARNING NOW.

WEV'E PINNED THIS IN THE TRUCK TODAY TO TRY AND TELL YOU HOW.

ME AND MY MATES ON THE JOB AT 49 ARE TERRIFIED OF HER.

SO NEXT WEEK PLEASE WORK QUIET AND DON'T TRY AND CONQUER HER.

SHE HANGS TIGHT FROM HER WINDOW LIKE A BAT INSIDE A BARN.

WITH A BOWL OF ORANGE AMMUNITION SHE HAS TUCKED UNDER HER LEFT ARM.

ONE CAME FLYING OVER IT HIT JOHNNY SO HARD HE WENT QUEER.

I WENT QUICKLY TO HIS AID WHILE SHE FIRED MORE AND CHEERED.

ONE HIT POOR OLD RAULPH IN THE GOOLIES ON HIS KNEES HE COLLAPSED RIGHT THERE.

WHEN FRED SHOUTED  RIGHT COME ON GYPSY LEE TRY ME GIRL IF YA DARE.

ANOTHER OF THE ORANGE  BULLETS KNOCKED HIM DOWN AND ONLY LEFT US THREE

WE WERE STOOD THERE SHAKING IN OUR SKINS PETER PAUL AND ME.

ASKING THE LORD TO SAVE US AND FORGIVE US FOR OUR SINS.

THEN SHE LET RIP WITH HALF A DOZEN OF THEM THEY  HIT PAUL HE FELL INTO THE BINS

WHEN PETER LOOKED HE WAS ON THE FLOOR AND HIS FACE IT HAD TURNED ALL BLUE.

RIGHT SHE SHOUTED DON'T CROSS ME COME ON YOU OTHER TWO.

THIS BLONDE YOUNG PENSIONER WAS SHOUTING OUT AND SHE'S AIMING ONE AT ME.

I DUCKED AND IT HIT POOR PETER RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES.

I WAS STANDING THERE ALL BY MYSELF SO I WIZZED AWAY  LIKE A FLY.

SO WHEN YOU COME ON THIS JOB NEXT WEEK  A SILENCER PUT ON YOUR TOOLS.

COS GYPSY LEE WILL HAVE YOU ALL AND SHE'S NO FLIPPING FOOL.

WE HAVE PINNED THIS NOTE ON OUR TRUCK TODAY FOR ALL OF YOU TO SEE.

THE RULES OF THE JOB AT SYCAMORE DRIVE ARE BE QUIET FROM NINE TILL THREE.

OR GYPSY LEE WILL BE HANGING OUT THERE FROM HER WINDOW SO FULL OF SCORN.

AND SHE'LL HAVE YOUR GUTS FOR GARTERS YOU'LL REGRET THE DAY YOU WERE BORN.

WATCH OUT FOR HER SHE'S A REAL ONE HAS A SCARF TIED UNDER HER CHIN.

AND SHE'S GOT PLENTY AMMUNITION PROBABLY A FULL WHEELY BIN.

 WE'LL NEVER  FORGET SHE KNOCKED SIX OF US DOWN ONE RAINY DAY AT DAWN.

WHEN SHE WALKED AWAY FROM HER WINDOW WE WERE all TATTERED AND TORN.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

SO I'M HOPING NOW BY NEXT WEEK IT'S QUIET AND I'll be FEELING FINE.

YES KATH WILL BE BACK AND HAVING ANOTHER  LAUGH HERE IN MY SIMPLE RHYME.

HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"IT'S BEEN FUN"

  

                            "IT'S BEEN FUN"

I'VE TOLD YOU IN PREVIOUS RHYMES BEFORE LOTS OF STORIES I CAN TELL.

YES IV'E EVEN SAID I COULD WRITE A BOOK ON ALL OF THEM AS WELL.

SO HERE'S ANOTHER ADVENTURE I HAD ONE SUMMERS DAY.

I'M HOPING I DON'T BORE YOU WHEN YOU CALL MY JOURNAL WAY.

ONE DAY I AWOKE AND DECIDED TO TAKE THE KIDS OUT ON A TRIP.

THE STORY IS A LONG ONE SO SOME OF IT I'LL SKIP.

I ASKED MY PARTNER TO TAKE THE KIDS OFF AND MY SISTERS  2.

THIS MEANT 6 ALL TOGETHER BUT I LOVE KIDS I THINK IV'E TOLD YOU.

MY THREE BOYS AND 1 DAUGHTER HER TWO BOYS WERE PLUS.

BUT WE 'D JUST BOUGHT AN OLD CORTINA SO IT WAS EASIER THAN THE BUS.

I PACKED UP LOTS OF SARNIES AND A CHANGE OF CLOTHES I PACKED TOO.

MY PARTNERS FACE DROPPED TO A FROWN AT ALL THE BAGS IT'S TRUE.

TOWELS FACECLOTH YOU NAME IT WHEN I'D HAD A LONG THINK.

I'D PACKED ALMOST EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE KITCHEN SINK

HOW LONG ARE WE GOING FOR HE ASKED AS HE FILLED THE BOOT.

A DAY  OH!  SHUT UP  MOANING MAN IT'S GOING TO BE A HOOT!!!!

WE HAD'NT HAD THE CAR THAT  LONG A BIG BLUE CORTINA ESTATE.

SO TO GO ON A TRIP WITH ALL THE SIX KIDS I SIMPLY COULDN'T WAIT. (HA)

ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY WE WOULD ALL BE AT THE COAST.

ALL EIGHT OF US WELL LETS SAY IT WOULD BE TWO HOURS AT THE MOST

THEYWERE VERY HARD TIMES IN THEM DAYS TO HAVE A CAR WAS A JOY.

MY PARTNER HE WAS DELIGHTED  LIKE A KID WITH A BRAND NEW TOY.

WELL WAY BACK THEN AS YOU ALL WELL KNOW NO RULES OF ANY SEAT BELTS.

AND A LOT LESS REGULATIONS SO IT REALY WAS A HELP.

WE BUNDLED IN ALL TOGETHER LIKE SARDINES IN A CAN.

I WAS IN MY GLORY WITH ALL THE SIX KIDS AND  MY YOUNG MAN. (HA).

HALF WAY THERE WE STOPPED AT A PARK FOR A REST AND A BIT OF FUN.

TO STRETCH OUR LEGS AND A BITE TO EAT AND GET A BIT OF SUN.

I'D PACKED POP SWEETS AND ALSORTS AND A THOUSAND CRISPS AND BUNS.

LETS FACE IT KIDS EAT FOREVER AND OFTEN THEY'VE NEVER DONE.

MY SISTERS BOYS ALONE COULD EAT A POTATO MORE THAN A PIG.

AND MY MIDDLE SON COULD EASILY WORRY TEN PACKETS OF BISCUITS WITH FIG. (HA)

WE FINALLY ARRIVED AT THE SEASIDE AND DECIDED TO GO FOR SOME LUNCH.

THE KIDS WERE REALY EXCITED AND THEY LOOKED ONE BIG HAPPY BUNCH.

THE FIRST LAUGH CAME IN THE CAFE WHEN A LADY CAME OVER TO ME.

SHE SMILED  SAID oH! ARN'T THEY ALL LIKE THERE DAD HE JUST LAUGHED AND I AGREED

YOU SEE ONLY ONE OF THEM WAS HIS THE OTHER THREE WERE MINE.

FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE AND MY SISTERS TWO SO TO EXPLAIN I DIDN'T HAVE TIME.

THERE  CHOISE WAS CHIPS EGG BACON AND BEANS WHICH YOU KNOW THAT ALL KIDS LOVE.

WHEN I ORDERED THEM SIX TIMES AND OUR  MEALS THE MAN SAID HEAVENS ABOVE

HOW DO YOU COPE WITH THAT LOT HIS WORDS WERE TO ME IN FRIGHT.

THEY LOOK A BIT OF A HANDFULL AND A PRETTY EXUBERANT SIGHT.

I SAID IT'S EASY MR YOU FORGET AT ODD TIMES THEY ARE HERE.

AND IF THEY GET TOO MUCH OUT OF HAND THEY GET A CLIP ROUND THE EAR.(HA).

WELL ALL EATEN UP AND NOT A SCRAP LEFT I WENT TO PAY THE bill.

WITH THE KIDS ALL AT THE SIDE OF ME WAITING NEAR THE TILL.

THE OWNER SAID I'M SUPRIZED THE'VE ALL SAT STILL AND EATEN  THERE LUNCH.

WHY! I  REPLIED WHATS WRONG WITH US WE'RE NOT A HILLBILLY BUNCH.

WE MIGHT NOT BE RICH BUT MY KIDS ARE WELL MANNERED I CAN TAKE THEM NEAR OR FAR.

OTHERWISE THEY WOULDN'T GO ANYWHERE AND I  LOOKED AND SAID TA-RA.

THEY ALWAYS DO!!!  BEHAVE THEMSELVES WHATEVER DID YOU THINK.

AS I WALKED AWAY HE FROZE ON THE SPOT AND NEVER EVEN BLINKED (HA).

SLOT MACHINES  RIDES AND DONKEYS  ALL OF THEM THEY WENT ON.

THE TIME ROLLED BY SO QUICKLY SOON THE DAY WAS GONE.

ONE LAST PADDLE BEFORE IT CAME DARK AND ALL TO THE TOILET I SENT.

THEN I SAiD TO MY PARTNER OH! LETS STAY COME ON WE'LL GO HIRE A TENT. (HA).

ALL OF A SUDDEN THE SIX LET LOOSE OH! YES ! HIP HIP HOORAY.

"OH! CAN WE MUM MINE SHOUTED" IT'S BETTER THAN JUST A DAY.

BY THIS TIME IT WAS TURNED SIX' O 'CLOCK AND SO WE STARTED WALKING.

BACK TO THE CAR TO FIND A CAMP SITE ALL OF US CHATTING AND TALKING.

I STOPPED AT A PHONE BOX AND RANG MY SIS SHE SAID OH! I HOPE THEY ARE GOOD.

BECAUSE WHEN I TRY MAKING THE BOYS BEHAVE IT'S LIKE TALKING TO LUMPS OF WOOD..

I REPIED OH! I WILL MANAGE WE ARE JUST GOING FOR A TENT.

I'LL HAVE TO GO NOW SISTER AS THATS THE LAST COIN I HAVE SPENT.

SHE SAID GOODBYE AND WISHED ME LUCK SAID KATH YOU ARE A GEM.

IF YOU CAN MANAGE A NIGHT IN A TENT WITH YOUR PARTNER AND SIX OF THEM.

I CALLED IN THE OFFICE AND ASKED FOR A TENT TO HIRE WHICH WOULD SLEEP EIGHT.

THE GUY SAID JUST ONE MINUTE MADAM I'LL BE BACK IN A TICK CAN YOU WAIT.

ON RETURNING HE SHRUGGED HIS SHOULDERS SAID SORRY FOR EIGHT NO MORE.

IT'S A VERY BUSY WEEK/END THIS WEEK WE ONLY HAVE ONE FOR FOUR.

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT I'LL TAKE IT" IT'S ME WHO WILL  HAVE TO MAKE DO.

WITH THIS HE TOOK MY MONEY AND SAID OVER THE  FAR END PLOT 2 .

MY PARNER TURNED TO ME AND  SAID HOW CAN WE MANAGE IN THAT.

WHEN THATS RIGGED UP YOU'LL BE LUCKY IF IT FITS OUR NEXT DOORS CAT. (HA).

THE KIDS ALL STARTED LAUGHING DANCING AND DOING A JIG.

"IT'S BIG ENOUGH MUM ISN'T IT" COME ON LETS GET IT RIGGED.

BEDTIME CAME ROUND SO QUICKLY WE SHOWERED AND PILED INTO THIS TENT.

IT WAS LIKE A STAMPEDE OF CATTLE I THOUGHT MY DAY WAS SPENT.

THE KIDS WERE ROLLING ABOUT ON THE FLOOR GIGGLING AND LAUGHING OUT LOUD.

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE TENT COLLAPSED AND COVERED US ALL LIKE A  SHROUD . (HA).

GOOD GRIEF I SHOUTED HELP ME!!! SOMETHINGS JUST STRUCK MY HEAD.

THEN A TINY VOICE IT ECHOED OUT WAKE UP MUM I HOPE YOUR  YOUR NOT DEAD.(HA)

MY PARTNER BY THIS TIME WAS LIVIDON HIS FACE WAS A GREAT BIG FROWN.

HE WAS STRUGGLING WITH POLES AND ME NOW AND SIX KIDS SPRAWLED OUT ON THE GROUND.

WELL HE MANAGED TO GET IT BACK UP SAFE SAID I'M GOING TO SLEEP IN THE CAR.

I'LL PUT JOANNA MY DAUGHTER (THAT IS) ON THE BACK SEAT WE ARN'T VERY FAR.

OK! THEN WELL MAYBE THE SIX OF US NOW WILL BE ABLE TO GET SOME SLEEP.

STILL LAUGHING THERE HEADS OFF I HAD A FEELING I WOULDN'T EVEN GET A PEEP.

THEN TO TOP IT ALL I HEARD THIS LOUD NOISE AND I SAID OH! WHAT WAS THAT.

MY ELDEST NEPHEW SAID SORRY AUNTIE KATH WE HAVE ALL BROKE  WIND IN  B FLAT. (HA).

THE BEANS THEY HAD FOR DINNER SIX LOTS THEY HAD ALL CONSUMED.

HAD STARTED TO DO THERE WORK ON THEM SO THE AIR HAD A TERIBLE PERFUME.

I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT THE KIDS THOUGHT IT FUNNY AND I WAS GASPING FOR BREATH.

WAFFING MY HANDS IN THE AIR ALL AROUND

 

THEN SOME SHOUTING SCARED ME TO DEATH.

I KNELT UP UNZIPPED THE TENT A LITTLE AND THERE OUTSIDE I DID SPY.

A CROWD OF PEOPLE GATHERED AROUND RAISING THERE VOICES HIGH.

A GUY WAS TELLING THEM ALL OUTSIDE THAT HE HAD JUST RANG THE POLICE.

I THOUGHT OH MY GOD!! I HOPE NOT FOR US LOT I WAS PRAYING ON MY KNEES.

THEN OUT OF KNOWHERE THIS WOMAN APPEARS NOT A STITCH ON FROM HEAD TO TOE.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE SHE'D COME FROM BUT IT WAS A REAL SHOCK YOU KNOW.

IV'E SEEN MANY THINGS IN MY LIFETIME BUT THIS IT DID BEAT THEM ALL.

THIS WOMAN STOOD THERE IN THE NUDDY HOLDING A BIG RUGBY BALL.

THE NOISE IT WOKE MY PARTNER UP AND HE PUT HIS FULL BEAM ON.

THE CROWD THEY ALL GASPED HEAVILY AS ON THIS WOMAN IT  SHONE.

THERE WERE MEN AND WOMEN EVERYWHERE STOOD THERE IN NIGHT CLOTHES AND BRIEFS.

WHEN I SAW THE POLICE CAR PULL UP ALONGSIDE I FELT A GREAT RELIEF.

NO IT WASN'T FOR US LOT THE GIGGLES AND ALL OF THEM  LAUGHS.

THE OLDEST NEPHEW INQUISITIVE SAID  WHATS THE MATTER AUNTIE KATH.

OH! IT'S NOTHING JUST MAKE A LESS NOISE  NOW AND YOU LOT PLEASE SETTLE DOWN.

THE POLICE ARE HERE AND IF YOUR NOT QUIET THEY'LL TAKE YOU INTO TOWN.

LOCK YOU UP IN THERE JAIL AS WELL DON'T YOU SEE  THATS JUST  WHAT THEY'LL DO.

WITH THAT NOT ANOTHER GIGGLE OR LAUGH NOT A SOUND WAS HEARD ALL NIGHT THROUGH.

I BOBBED OUTSIDE AND THE CROWN TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC.

SHE'D DONE IT BEFORE ALWAYS WANDERING ROUND TO PLAY BALL OR MAYBE A FROLICK.

FROM THE NUDIST BEACH RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO US ANOTHER CAMPING GROUND.

WITH THAT WE ALL RETURNED TO OUR TENTS AND NOT ANOTHER SOUND.

ONCE AGAIN I HAD TO LAUGH THOUGH  I WAS HOPING  THEY HAD LOCKED HER UP.

I'D SAID TO THE CROWD THEN I WENT BACK IN AND ZIPPED THE TENT TIGHT SHUT.

SHE WAS DRIVEN AWAY BY THE POLICE SO I SETTLED DOWN TO SLEEP.

COUNTING MY BLESSINGS IT WERN'T FOR US AND ALSO COUNTING SHEEP.

A LEG FROM ONE CAME AROUND MY NECK AND A KNEE STUCK IN MY TUM.

FROM UNDERNEATH THE GROUND SHEET BIG LUMPS OF EARTH UP MY BUM.

WHAT A FLIPPING FIASCO THIS CAMPING NIGHT HAD BEEN.

I STILL COULDN'T QUITE BELIEVE IT AT ALL WHAT MY EYES HAD JUST SEEN.

ROLL ON BLUMMING MORNING PLEASE I THOUGHT LET US ALL  GET HOME.

I WAS ACHEING FROM HEAD TO TOE ALL OVER ANDTO MYSELF  DIDMOAN.

THEN ON SECOND THOUGHTS I PONDERED AND THOUGHT NO ITS ALL BEEN FUN.

THE KIDS HAD ALL ENJOYED THEMSELVES ANOTHER JOB WELL DONE.

ON WAKING UP I TOOK THEM ALL TO GET SHOWERED AND WE ALL GOT CHANGED.

THE HEAVENS THEY HAD OPENED AND IT WAS BELTING DOWN WITH RAIN.

I RETURNED THE TENT TO THE OFFICE THE GUY SAID "HAD A GOOD NIGHT? "

I SAID OH! YES IT WAS LOVELY BUT  YOU NEED A PATROL ON THIS SITE.

IT'S FULL OF LAUGHING AND GIGGLING KIDS AND NUDE WOMEN WITH RUGBY BALLS

NOT REALY WHAT ONE WANTS ON A NIGHT I DON'T THINK AT ALL (HA)

HE LOOKED AT ME BEWILDERED SAID MADAM WE'VE NOT HEARD A SOUND.

I SAID WELL WHERE OUR TENT WAS PITCHED IT WAS LIKE A RUGBY GROUND.

WHEN YOU COME WITH WELL BEHAVED KIDS FOR A TREAT AND YOUV'E HAD A VERY LONG DAY.(hA)

THE LAST THING YOU WANT IS ALL THAT NOISE AND TO GET SOME SLEEP FOR NEXT DAY.

WITH THIS WE ALL SET OFF RUNNING OVER TOWARDS THE CAR.

WHEN SISTERS KIDS SHOUTED OUT AUNTIE KATH CAN WE COME AGAIN IT'S NOT FAR.(HA)

WE DIDN'T HAVE MUCH IN THEM DAYS BUT WE ALWAYS HAD LOTS OF FUN.

THERE ALL GROWN UP NOW AND MARRIED BOTH NEPHEWS AND MY ELDEST SON.

THEY NOW TELL THERE OWN KIDS ABOUT CAMPING AND ALL ABOUT HAVING A LAUGH

I'M HAPPY THEY HAVE GOOD MEMORIES OF CAMPING AND ALL OUR GOOD TIMES

AND  I CAN  WRITE ABOUT  THEM HERE IN 

"MY SIMPLE RHYMES "HA!

"CHERISH YOUR HAPPY MOMENTS"

"HAVE  A GREAT DAY LIKE WE DID. LOL!!!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"NOT TOO PLEASED AT ALL."

              "NOT TOO PLEASED AT ALL"

THIS IS A TALE I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER FROM WHEN MY KIDS WERE SMALL.

THE ELDEST NOW WHO IS 38 THOUGHT HE COULDN'T BE FOOLED AT ALL.

IN FACT HE'S REALY INTELLEGANT AND WAS ALWAYS UP AND ABOVE.

THE OTHER PUPILS IN HIS YEAR SOME SAID HE COULDN'T BE BLUFFED.

WELL ONE WINTERY JANUARY MORNING MY YOUNG ONES HAD GONE OFF TO SCHOOL.

WITH A KIND DEAR NEIGHBOUR IN HER CAR SO I THOUGHT I'D PLAY THE FOOL.

MY ELDEST SON HAD LEFT THE FIRST AT AGE  14  WAS

INDEPENDANT YOU KNOW.

THIS MORNING I AM SPEAKING OF WE'D woke up TO HEAVY SNOW.

SO I DECIDED TO GO TO TOWN AS LOTS OF THINGS WERE SHORT.

IN MY FRIDGE AND CUPBOARDS AND IF IT GOT WORSE I DIDN'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT.

IN SNOWSTORMS AND BLIZZARDS AND  BE STRANDED BEFORE THE  BUSES  GOT STOPPED.

SO I KNEW I HAD BETTER GET OUT THERE QUICK AND DO A  VERY BIG SHOP.

WELL NORMALLY  I'M QUITE A DRESSY PERSON  BUT THE WEATHER WAS FAR TOO BAD.

FOR THE OUTFITS IN MY WARDROBE AND NO SUITABLE FOOTWEAR I HAD.

THE SNOW HAD FALLEN BY SUPRIZE AND I NEEDED TO STOCK UP QUICK.

SO I THOUGHT I WOULD BORROW SOME CLOTHES OFF MY SON AND JUST GET READY QUICK.

FIRST ON MY HEAD I PULLED RIGHT DOWN TO MY EYESMY SONS WOOLYHAT.

THEN A COUPLE OF THICK WOOL SWEATERS THIS MADEMY CHEST LOOK FLAT (HA).

SOME TROUSERS OF MY SONS I DONNED AS I WAS REALY SLIM.

ONLY A SIZE EIGHT  IN THEM DAYS AND NOW THEY DIDN'T FIT HIM.

HE WAS JUST 14  AT THIS TIME  AND I WAS JUST THIRTY FIVE.

NOW I NEEDED A COAT SO I FOUND ONE UPSTAIRS WHICH I THOUGHT WOULD BE JUST RIGHT.

ONE MY NEIGHTBOURS HAD PASSED ONTO ME FOR MY SON  BUT tUrned out TOO BIG.

HE HADN'T SEEN IT AT THIS TIME SO IT WAS JUST RIGHT FOR MY GIG.

YOU KNOW WHAT KIDS ARE LIKE I'M SURE AND FOR SCHOOL HE WOULD ONLY WEAR.

THE CLOTHES HE THOUGHT WERE TRENDY THEN I SPOTTED HIS WELLYBOBS THERE.

UNDERNEATH THE WELLYBOBS AS WE ALL CALLED THEM THEN.

I PUT MY PARTNERS  RUGBY SOCKS ON SO THEY'D FIT WITH NO PROBLEM (HA).

I TOOK A GLANCE IN THE MIRROR AND I LOOKED THE PART REAL FINE.

YES I WAS THE LIVING DOUBLE OF COMPO "LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE" (HA)

IN CASE YOU OVER THE POND DON'T KNOW I'LL TELL YOU THIS IS A SHOW.

FROM ENGLISH TV IT'S SO FUNNY SO NOW ALL OF YOU DO KNOW.

I RUSHED OUTSIDE TO RUN FOR THE BUS ON APPROACHING THE SHELTER WAS FULL.

THE SNOW WAS VERY DEEP INDEED AND THE SKY WAS BLACK AND DULL.

ONE LAD STARTED LAUGHING AT MEWHO WAS SAT ON THE BUS SHELTER SEAT.

SO I PEEKED FROM THE CORNER OF MY EYE OVER  THE SCARF WRAPPED AROUND MY CHEEKS.

STOOD WELL BACK FROM THE CROWDS I COULD SEE MY SON  WAS SITTING THERE TOO.

AND HE GAVE OUT A GREAT BIG LAUGH AS WELL AND THE REST OF THEM FOLLOWED THROUGH.

THIS LAD SAID LOUDLY TO MY SON BUT I DON'T THINK HE KNEW I COULD HEAR.

"JUST LOOK AT THE STATE OF THAT MATES"  IN MY EAR IT ECHOED CLEAR.

I WAS DYEING TO LAUGH WITH THE REST OF THEM WHEN THERE HEADS TURNED TO GAZE AT ME.

MY SONS VOICE ECHOED OUT QUITE PLAIN  LOOKS LIKE FLIPPING  "COMPO" TO ME.

WELL I THOUGHT YOU CHEEKY MONKEY BUT I KNEW THAT HE WAS QUITE RIGHT.

I DID LOOK A BIT OF A DROUPOUT  BUT  I WAS  A FUNNY SIGHT.

BRIGHT SPARK MY SON TURNED TO ALL OF THEM MUST HAVE REALISED IT WASN'T A MAN.

SAID TO ALL THE KIDS IT'S A WOMAN  "THANK GOODNESS"   IT'S NOT MY MAM "  (HA)

WELL HOW I KEPT MY FACE STRAIGHT I WILL NEVER KNOW TO THIS DAY.

BUT EVERYONE CRACKED UP LAUGHING AND THE BUS WAS IN SIGHT ON IT'S WAY.

IT CAME TO A HALT AND THE DRIVER SHOUTS OUT GROWN UPS BEFORE YOU KIDS.

WELL I RUSHED FORWARD MY HEAD BOWED DOWN AND MY WELLYBOBS STARTED TO SKID.

DOWN ON MY BACKSIDE I LANDED AND SUCH A COMMOTION WENT ON.

HA! HA! HA! HA! YOU COULD HERE THEM ALL BIG GRINS ON THERE FACES SHONE.

THE DRIVER SHOUTED "HELP THAT POOR MAN"   DONT JUST STAND THERE AND LAUGH.

BUT DURING THE FALL MY SCARF FELL ASIDE AND A LADY SHOUTS OH! DEAR  IT'S KATH.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOKS ON THERE FACE AND MY SONS AS THEY ALL STOOD THERE.

AND ALL THE OTHER KIDS FROZE IN THERE SHOES AND THEY WERE AMAZED AND STARED.

AHHHHHHH!! I HAD YOU FOOLED SON DIDN'T I WAS MY CRY.

WIPEING A BIG LUMP OF SNOW OFF MY FACE ON THE FLOOR LOOKING UP TO THE SKY.

" YOUR NOT GOING TO TOWN LIKE THAT MUM " EMBARRASSED HE LOOKED AT HIS MATES.

THEN THEY ALL STARTED CHANTING HA! HA! HA! MRS WHITE YOU REALY  LOOK GREAT.

WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE " COMPO"  FROM " LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE".

COME ON NEIL HELP YOUR MUM UP NOW OR WE WON'T GET TO SCHOOL ON TIME.

ALL OF THEM PILED ON THE BUS IT WAS FULL THERE WAS ONLY STANDING ROOM LEFT.

THEN ONE KID SHOUTED OUT TO OUR NEIL  HEY! SHE'LL BE  NORA BATTY NEXT

I LAUGHED WITH THEM ALL AND SOON WE ARRIVED IN TOWN SO I GOT OFF THE BUS.

ALL THE KIDS GATHERED ROUND ME AND STARTED MAKEING A FUSS.

MY SON HE WASN'T VERY AMUSED AS I LEFT THEM I SHOUTED TO HIM.

HA! HA! I KNEW I WOULD FOOL YOU ONE DAY SON AND I WALKED OFF WITH A GRIN.

WHEN  HE CAME HOME FOR TEA WITH HIS MATES THAT NIGHT HE WASN'T TOO PLEASED AT ALL.

BUT HE DID ASK CONCERNED "MUM WERE  YOU OK"! AFTER YOUR COMPO FALL. (HA).

WE ALL GATHERED ROUND SON  WAS  LAUGHING AT ME AND HE SAID MUM DO YOU KNOW

I AM  GLAD THAT YOU ARE MY MUM  AND PROUD COS ALL MY MATES LOVE YOU SO.

ONE OF HIS MATES TOOK HOLD OF ME SAID WISH MY MUM WAS LIKE YOU. 

THERES NEVER A DULL MOMENT WITH YOU NEILS MUM  NONE OF US EVER FEEL BLUE.

THEN A NIEGHBOUR KNOCKED ANNOUNCING HOW'S "COMPO" FROM SUMMER WINE (HA)

MY SON ANSWERED HERE SHE IS LIZ AND SHE 'S NOT HURT SHE IS FINE.

SHE REALY DID  HAVE ME FOOLED FOR ONCE AND I'M NOT EMBARRASSED AT ALL.

MY MATES HAVE JUST ASKED HER TO DO ONE MORE STUNT EVEN IF IT IS SMALL.

TO BE NORAH BATTY THIS TIME IN PINAFORE CURLERS AND ALL.

AND  TO TAKE A SWEEPING BRUSH WITH HER  AND USE IT AS A STICK.

THEN SHE WON'T FALL IN THE DEEP DEEP SNOW IT WILL REALY DO THE TRICK.

SO I'LL LEAVE YOU ALL NOW TO COMMENT UNTIL MY ENTRY NEXT TIME.

HAVE A GOOD DAY FROM "COMPO AND NORA " AND KATH AND MY SIMPLE RHYME. HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

NOTHING  LIKE A GOOD LAUGH THATS ME!!!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY.HAAAAAAAA HE!! HE!! HE !!!!

 

 

 

 

 

"SATURDAY NIGHT OUT"

                         "SATURDAY NIGHT OUT"

 

ONCE AGAIN I'M GOING BACK MANY  YEARS TO WHEN I WAS JUST A TEEN.

IT'S A TALE ABOUT GETTING HOME LATE AND DAD WONDERING WHERE WE HAD BEEN.

TURNED EIGHTEEN AND OLD ENOUGH NOW TO GO OUT TO THE CLUBS.

ME AND MY MATES EACH SATURDAY NIGHT WOULD CRAWL AROUND THE PUBS.

WELL ONE WEEK WE MET TWO NICE LADS WHO ASKED US FOR A DATE.

THEY WERN'T FROM OUR OWN LOCAL TOWN BUT A CITY WE WERE TOLD WAS GREAT.

SO THEY ARRANGED TO MEET US ONE SATURDAY NIGHT AND OFF TO THERE CITY WE'D GO.

ON THE BUS TO THERE PLACE TO HAVE A FEW JIVES  OR SO.

YES DO YOU REMEMBER THE MECCA FANTASTIC THE BIG DANCE HALL .

WE WERE TOLD THAT IT WAS FABULOUS YOU COULD REALY HAVE A BALL.

WE DRESSED UP LIKE TWO POP STARS ME AND MY MATE WE LOOKED FAB.

BEFORE WE GOT ON THE BUS TO SET OFF PLENTY WOLF WHISTLES WE'D HAD.

ARRIVED AT THE MECCA AND MET THESE GUYS MINE WAS AN ELVIS DOUBLE

 A WARNING BEFORE I SET OFF FROM HOME MY DAD SAID STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.

ALL NIGHT LONG WE  BOTH DRANK AND JIVED JIGGING ABOUT SO FAST.

WHEN MY FRIEND SAID KATH WE HAVE TO LEAVE OR WE'LL MISS OUR BUS IT'S THE LAST.

SO WE SAID OUR GOODBYES TO THE TWO GUYS AND ARRANGED TO MEET THEM AGAIN.

SET OFF RUNNING IN OUR STILLETTO'S DOWN THIS VERY DARK LANE.

HALF WAY DOWN WE COULD SEE THE BUS WHEN WE LOOKED IT WAS STARTING OUT.

ON IT'S LAST HOMEWARD JOURNEY SO WE BOTH BEGAN TO SHOUT.

I WAS WAVING MY ARMS AND SHOUTING VERY LOUD AT THE TOP OF MY VOICE.

STOP!!! BUT THE BUS JUST LEFT US AND THEN I HEARD A LOUD NOISE.

WE WERE BOTH REALY WORRIED WE'D MISSED IT THEN AGAIN THIS CHUGGING SOUND.

MY FRIEND SAID LOOK WHATS COMING KATH AND SO I TURNED AROUND.

A BRIGHT LIGHT SHONE ON TOP OF IT THEN SLOWLY CAME UP NEAR.

THIS BLOKE PUT HIS HEAD THROUGH THE WINDOW AND SAID CAN I HELP YOU TWO DEAR.

MY FRIEND SAID YES WE NEED A LIFT ABOUT TEN MILES OR SO.

OK!! HE SAID COME ON CLIMB UP I'LL TAKE YOU HOME BUT SLOW.

HA! HA! WE COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING WE WERE SAT WAY UP HIGH ABOVE GROUND.

YES IN THE COUNCIL ROADSWEEPER WHICH TRAVELS ALL AROUND TOWN. (HA).

THE NOISE IT WAS OVERPOWERING CHUG CHUG CHUGGING ALONG.

SO THEN MY MATE DECIDED TO GIVE THE DRIVER A SONG.

DON'T FORGET WE'D HAD A FEW DRINKS AND OUT FOR A BIT OF FUN.

"SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME" SHE SANG AND I JOINED IN AND HUMMED. (HA).

AGES IT SEEMED WE HAD TRAVELLED IN THIS SWEEPER AS YOU WELL KNOW.

ABOUT FIVE MILES AN HOUR THESE FLIPPING THINGS ARE SLOW.

BUT WE HAD NO MONEY LEFT FOR TAXI'S SO A GOD SEND WAS THIS LIFT.

SO WE HAD TO ACCEPT THIS OFFER IT REALY WAS A GIFT.

WELL MY FRIEND SAID TO THE DRIVER I AM COLD CAN I BORROW YOUR COAT.

HE SAID YES DO WHAT YOU WANT IT'S NOT MINE BUT A GUY WHO WORKS HERE AND DOTES.

ON YOUNG GIRLS LIKE YOU AND OTHER WOMEN AND HIS WIFES TRYING TO FIND SOME PROOF.

IF HE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE AND WE BOTH LOOKED AT HIM ALOOF.

IT WAS HUNG ON A HOOK INSIDE  THE CAB SO MY FRIEND SHE LIFTED IT DOWN.

POPPED IT OVER HER SHOULDERS AND WRAPPED IT ALL AROUND.

OH! CAROL I SAID I'M VERY LATE MYDAD WILL RING MY NECK.

SHE REPLIED OH! DON'T WORRY KATH WE'VE HAD A LAUGH NEVER MIND WHAT THE HECK.

WELL FINALLY WE DID MAKE IT AND THE TOP OF OUR ROAD WE WENT.

CHUG CHUG CHUGGING LAUGHING AGAIN THE ROADSWEEPER A RACKET IT SENT.

OUT VERY LOUD AND A LIGHT CAME ON IN A BEDROOM AND THEN THERE WERE TWO.

VOICES WERE SHOUTING FROM WINDOWS CAN YOU MAKE A LESS NOISE OUT THERE YOU.

I LOOKED AT CAROL AND WE BOTH BURST OUT LAUGHING OUR LIDS OFF VERY LOUD.

WHEN THE DRIVER SHOUTED I'M DOING A GOOD DEED FOR TWO GIRLS I FEEL VERY PROUD.

I'M TAKING THEM BOTH HOME SAFELY SO GET IN AND STOP MAKING A FUSS.

THEYV'E BEEN TO THE MECCA IN THE CITY SO YOU SEE THEY HAVE MISSED THE  LAST BUS.

IV'E NEVER LAUGHED AS MUCH IN MY LIFE AS CAROL SAID OH! OH! NO!.

SHE WAS STRETCHING TO LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW WHEN SHE FELT HER SUSPENDER BELT GO. (HA).

THE GUY SAID WHATS THE MATTER LOVE SHE REPLIED OH! NOTHING I'M FINE.

SHE SAID OH! KATH I HOPE WE ARE GOING TO BE HOME IN A VERY SHORT TIME.

SHE SAID KATH YOU SEE I'M IN TROUBLE  I TOOK OFF MY STOCKINGS AT THE CLUB.

SO WHEN I STAND UP MY SUSSY WILL DROP DOWN AND SHE WRIGGLED AS MUCH AS SHE COULD.

TO TRY AND TAKE IT OFF IN THE CAB TO PUT IN HER HANDBAG YOU SEE.

THEN SHE NUDGED ME AND SAID IV'E DONE IT KATH AT LAST I'M FLIPPING FREE.

SHE WISPERED IT'S BEEN KILLING ME ALL NIGHTLONG ON THE FLOOR.

THEN WE CAME TO A HALT AND THE DRIVER GOT OUT AND CAMEROUND AND OPENED THE DOOR.

YOUR HOME NOW GIRLS HE SHOUTED IVE A VERY LONG JOURNEY BACK NOW. 

SO WE JUMPED OUT AND AS WE DID SO MY STILLETTO HEEL BROKE SOMEHOW.

AAAH!! I SHOUTED TO CAROL IV'E JUST BROKE THE HEEL OFF MY SHOE.

GOODNIGHT SAID THE DRIVER I'M OFF NOW YOUR A PAIR OF NUTTERS YOU TWO . (HA).

WELL CAROL LET OUT THIS VERY LOUD SOUND WHOO! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO.

AS THE ROADSWEEPER TURNED AROUND AND PASSED I SAID WHATS UP WITH YOU.

SHE SAID IVE' LEFT HIS MATES  WIFE SOME PROOF THAT HE IS HAVING AFFAIRS.

AND SHE THREW AWAY HER STOCKINGS THEY WENT FLOATING INTO THE AIR. (HA).

THEY'D HOOKED  ONTO THE SIDE  OF THE TRUCK AND I ALMOST COLLAPSED AND DIED .

I COULDN'T GET MY BREATH FOR LAUGHING AT THE STOCKINGS DANGLING BESIDE.

HER SUSSY SHE'D HID IN HIS POCKET NOW ALL HER LEGS WERE BARE (HA)

AND THIS PAIR OF STOCKINGS WAVING ABOUT ALL OVER IN THE AIR.

WELL I ROLLED ABOUT LIKE A KELLY THOUGH I FELT MORE LIKE HOPALONG.

(CASSIDY) HA!! AS I WOBBLED DOWN HOME AND CAROL WAS SINGING  HER SONG.

"SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME"I'M TIRED AND I WANT TO GO TO BED.

I HAD AN IDEA ABOUT TEN MINUTES AGO AND IT'S GONE RIGHT TO MY HEAD.

NO MATTER WHERE I ROAM,ON LAND OR SEA OR FOAM.

I WILL ALWAYS REMEBER FINDING TONIGHT MY SUSPENDER BELT A NEW HOME.

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! WE LAUGHED AS WE REACHED OUR DOOR.

WHEN WE GOT INSIDE WE BOTH COLLAPSED WITH LAUGHTER ON THE FLOOR.

DAD HE WAS IN A GOOD MOOD THANK GOODNESS AND SAID OH! I'M GLAD YOU ARE HOME.

DID YOU GET A TAXI GIRLS I WAS JUST ABOUT TO PHONE.

THE LOCAL POLICE I WAS WORRIED BUT I HEARD YOUR LAUGHTER AND SO.

I THOUGHT OH! THERE HERE AT LAST AND NOW OFF TO MY BED I WILL GO.

I CALLED OUT SORRY WE'RE LATE DAD AND WHISPERED NEAR CAROLS CHEEK.

IN THE ROADSWEEPER WE CAME HOME DIDN'T WE ARE WE GOING THERE NEXT WEEK. (HA).

SHE BID ME GOODNIGHT AND ANSWERED YES BUT I'M GOING OUT IN MY TIGHTS.

COS I DON'T LIKE LOSING SUSPENDER BELTS TO ROADSWEEPERS WIVES SATURDAY NIGHTS (HA! )

I HOPE YOUV'E ENJOYED MY TALE I HAVE TOLD OF ANOTHER OF MY PAST TIMES.

IV'E TRIED TO START OUT  2007  WITH A LAUGH IN "MY SIMPLE RHYMES".

HAAAAAAA!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"EVERYTHING WAS WHITE".

I LOOKED OUT THIS MORNING EVERYTHING WAS WHITE.

WE'D HAD A CRUEL FROST IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

A GUY WAS HAVING PROBLEMS STARTING UP HIS CAR.

AND I COULD TELL BY LOOKING HE WASN'T GOING FAR.

HIS LADY FREIND OR WIFE WAS STOOD THERE LOOKING ON.

THEY WERE STRANGERS SO I WONDERED WHERE THEY WERE FROM.

HAD THEY BEEN WALKING ALONG THE BEACH AT ALL.

AS IN THE BACK SEAT WAS A DOG ONLY SMALL.

I STOOD THERE AND WATCHED AS HE WAS MESSING ABOUT.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE BEGAN TO SHOUT.

I KNEW THIS FLIPPING WRECK WOULDN'T GO VERY FAR.

WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN IT'S A HEAP OF JUNK THIS CAR.

WELL I WAS ASTONISHED I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EARS.

SHE LOOKED A RIGHT ROUGH TYPE BUT I WAS IN TEARS.

WITH LAUGHTER AT THESE TWO I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

I'M NOT THE KIND OF PERSON WHO USUALLY WATCHES MORE.

BUT YOU JUST COULDN'T HELP IT THE CAR MADE SUCH A DIN.

AND SHE WAS LIKE A FOG HORN RANTING ON AT HIM.

BAREING IN MIND I DON'T SLEEP VERY WELL.

I'D NOT LOOKED AT THE CLOCK BUT EARLY I COULD TELL.

EVERYONE ASLEEP AND THE OTHER HOMES AROUND.

WERE ALL STILL IN DARKNESS AND NOT A SINGLE SOUND.

EXCEPT FOR THIS CHUGGING NOISE AND HER YELLING OUT.

RING YA FLIPPING MATE THEN SHE GAVE  ANOTHER SHOUT.

OH!! SHUT YA FACE UP WOMAN YOU ARE NOWT BUT A NAG.

THEN SHE SWUNG AND SHE HIT HIM ROUND THE HEAD WITH HER BAG.

I WAS TRYING NOT TO LAUGH MY NEIGHBOURS NOT TO WAKE.

THINKING OH! DEAR PLEASE BE QUIET FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

THE DOG WAS  JUST SAT QUIETLOOKING OUT AT THE TWO.

WHEN SHE YELLED OUT AGAIN AND I'M GETTING RID OF YOU.

I WASN'T QUITE SURE IF SHE MEANT THE DOG OR HIM.

WHEN SHE YELLED OUT AGAIN OH! I'M GOING FOR A SWIM.

DON'T TALK FLIPPING STUPID WOMAN YOUR OUT OF YOUR MIND.

I'M GETTING IN THE CAR SO YOU GET BEHIND.

GIVE ME A PUSH WHEN I SHOUT OUT RIGHT.

I CARN'T ASK ANYONE ELSE THERE'S KNOWONE IN SIGHT.

I'M STILL STOOD AT THE WINDOW LOOKING THROUGH MY BLIND.

WHEN SHE BENDS DOWN AND PUSHES  FROM BEHIND.

ONLY IN THERE TWENTIES AND STRANGERS TO TOWN.

SORRY TO HAVE TO SAY THIS BUT HE LOOKED A RIGHT CLOWN.

PUSH HE SHOUTS OUT CAN YOU FLIPPING HEAR ME NOW.

THEN HE JUMPS OUT THE CAR AND SHOUTS OH! MOVE YA STUPID C - -

Oh! THE LANGUAGE WAS AWFULL THEN I SAW A BEAM OF LIGHT.

AND CRAWLING ON THE PROM WAS A POLICE CAR IN SIGHT.

HE SAW IT TOO AND SHOVES HER IN THE CAR.

SHOUTING GET YA HEAD DOWN WE ARE NOT GOING FAR.

THEY BOTH BOBBED DOWN AND HID WHILE THE POLICE CAR DROVE PAST.

THEN AFTER A FEW MINUTES THEY APPEARED AGAIN ALAS.

STILL SHE WAS YELLING VERY ABUSIVE INDEED.

WHEN HE DECIDED THEN A TOILET HE DID NEED.

HE JUST STOOD THERE NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD.

AND URINATED IN FULL VEIW I WAS VERY DISTURBED.

I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EYES SHE JUST WATCHED HIM AND SAID.

I BET THE STUPID BATTERY IS LIKE YOU ALMOST DEAD.

I DON'T  FLIPPING KNOW WITH SWEAR WORDS THROWN IN.

HE SHOUTED BACK MAKING MORE OF A DIN.

BY THIS TIME AT LEAST A WHOLE HOUR MUST HAVE PASSED.

HE WASN'T FIT TO DRIVE AS SHE'D SHOUTED YOU ARE GASSED.

SO I OPENED MY WINDOW AND CALLED OUT HEy! YOU!.

COULD YOU BE QUIET PLEASE THE  BOTH OF YOU.

HE LOOKED UP SUPRIZED AND JUST SHOUTED BACK.

OH! GET INSIDE AND SHUT UP YA  OLD BAT.

WELL ME AN OLD bAT!!!!  I THOUGHT WAIT TILL I DRESS.

IF I COME OUT THERE YOU WILL BE IN A MESS.

I ANSWERED VERY STERNLY DON'T CALL ME AN OLD BAT.

MOVE ON THE PAIR OF YOU AND CLOSED MY WINDOW AT THAT.

I RANG THE POLICE AND I TOLD THEM THE TALE.

THE OFFICER HE CHUNTERED AND STARTED TO WAIL.

OH! WE HAVE KNOWONE ON DUTY AS YET WILL IT WAIT.

I'LL SEND SOMEONE ROUND LETS SEE ABOUT EIGHT.

I TOLD HIM DON'T BOTHER AS BY THAT TIME I'M SURE.

THEY'LL HAVE TAKEN THERE HOOKS AND NEVER SAID NO MORE.

I WENT IN THE BATHROOM AND GOT MYSELF WASHED.

WHEN I HEARD HIM AGAIN OH!! P-- O-- AND GET LOST.

WITH THIS I WAS LIVID AND ONCE MORE I TRIED.

SHOUTING MYSELF FROM THE WINDOW OPEN WIDE.

SHE PUT UP TWO FINGERS TO ME IN THE AIR.

AND HE ONCE AGAIN JUST STARTED TO SWEAR.

SO I HAD HEARD ENOUGH AND MY EYES THEY DID SPOT.

MY DISH OF SATSUMAS  PICKED ONE UP AND TOOK A SHOT. (HA HA )

I AIMED BEST I COULD AND IT HIT THE BULLS EYE.

RIGHT ON HER NOSE AND SHE LET OUT A CRY.

IV'E NO IDEA WHY BUT SHE STARTED TO RUN.

HE GRABBED THE DOG ANDTURNED ROUND AND SPUN.

OFF LIKE A SHOT I THOUGHT HA HA ! I HAVE WON.

WITH A BOWL OF SATSUMAS WHO NEEDS A GUN.(HA)

I WAITED AND WAITED BUT THEY DIDN'T COME BACK.

WHEN LATER THE OFFICER CAME ROUND TO MY FLAT.

I SAID OH! THEY TOOK OFF I'M HAPPY TO SAY.

I DIDN'T TELL HIM WHY HA! AND HE BID ME GOOD DAY.

A PICKUP TRUCK CAME ROUND ABOUT DINNER TIME.

TOWED IT AWAY AND NOW EVERYTHINGS FINE.

SO ANOTHER DAYS OVER HOPE I'VE GIVEN YOU A LAUGH.

IN MY "SIMPLE RHYME" WRITTEN BY KATH.

 

WHAT AM I LIKE LOL!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"HOPING ALL'S FINISHED AND FINE"

IV'E ONLY BEEN AT MY NEW ADDRESS ABOUT THE LAST EIGHT WEEK.

IT'S ALL LOOKING NICE AND COSY BUT MY BATHROOM I HAD TO COMPLETE.

I DECIDED I'D HAVE A REFURBISHMENT AROUND ABOUT NEXT MAY.

SO UNTIL THAT TIME WITH CHRISTMAS COMING UP I'D SPRUCE IT UP IN A WAY.

THE TILES WERE NEW SO I CLEANED THEM ALL AND PAINTED THE WALLS PALE CREAM.

BOUGHT ALL NEW CHROME ACCESSORIES IN THE SPOTLIGHTS THEY REALY  GLEAM.

I BOUGHT A NEW BLIND AND MADE SOME  VOILE DRAPES ADDED SOME AQUA AND PEACH.

THE FLOORBOARDS WERE NEW AND  IV'E  MOPPED THEM A THOUSAND TIMES WITH BLEACH.

I'M A BIT OF A FUSSY PERSON AND CLEANLINESS IS A MUST.

I HOPED THE  FLOORBOARDS NOW THERE  ALL DONE WON'T START  LETTING IN DUST.

SO I WENT ALONG TO SOME CARPET SHOPS A WEEK LAST SATURDAY.

TO CHOOSE SOME NICE NEW CUSHIONFLOOR TO SEE ME UNTIL NEXT MAY.

WITH MOST OF THE BATHROOM CREAM AQUA AND CHROME I NEEDED A WARM COLOUR SO.

I DECIDED THE FLOOR WOULD BE PASTEL PEACH AND THIS WOULD GIVE A WARM GLOW.

I LOOKED ALL ROUND TOWN BUT I COULDN'T FIND JUST WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

DETERMINED I CONTINUED ON PEACH CUSHIONFLOOR TO FIND.

THEN I REMEMBERED ABOUT A STORE WHICH IS QUITE EXPENSIVE AND DEAR.

BUT I HAD TO HAVE SOMETHING DOWN ON THE FLOOR BARE FLOORBOARDS NO GOOD TILL NEXT YEAR.

AT LAST I ENTERED THE FINAL SHOP PRAYING AND HOPING I'D GET.

EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED THEN ALL MY BATHROOM NEEDS MET.

LOTS OF ROLLS WERE STOOD OUTSIDE BARGAINS THAT WERE LOOSE.

BUT THERE WASN'T ANYTHING PEACHY SO INSIDE I WENT TO CHOOSE.

LOOKING THROUGH ALL THE SAMPLE BOOKS AND PRICING HOW MUCH WERE EACH.

THE COLOURS THEY WERE NUMEROUS BUT I COULDN'T FIND any PEACH.

NOTHING I SAW was THE RIGHT SHADE AT ALL TILL I SPOTTED A BOOK UP HIGH.

SCANNING THROUGH THE PAGES I GAVE OUT A HEAVY SIGH.

EXACTLY THE SHADE AND THICKNESS I SPIED THERE ONE THAT WAS RIGHT.

NOW WHERE WAS THE SHOP ASSISTANT I COULDN'T SEE HIM IN SIGHT.

THEN A GUY CAME OUT OF ANOTHER ROOM  AND SAID  THATS AN EXPENSIVE LOT.

I SAID I'M REALY NOT BOTHERED IF THE RIGHT ONE I HAVE GOT.

I'LL HAVE TO ORDER THAT ONE HE SAID,SO HE STARTED TO DO THE FORM.

WHILE HE DID THAT I WAS FROZEN SO I STOOD NEXT TO HIS HEATER SO WARM.

I ASKED HIM WHAT THE DELIVERY WAS HE SAID OH ONLY A WEEK.

IT WILL BE HERE FOR SURE NEXT FRIDAY MORN AS INTO HIS BOOK HE DID PEEK.

I SAID AS LONG AS YOUR SURE OF THAT I'LL ORDER NOW THEN AND PAY.

SO HE GOT OUT HIS CALCULATOR AND STARTED TAPPING AWAY.

AT LAST HE CAME TO A FINAL SUM AND I HANDED HIM OVER MY POUNDS.

ARE YOU HAVING IT DELIVERED MADAM OR COLLECTING IT ON YOUR ROUNDS.

I SAID I'LLSEND A FRIEND OF MINE NEXT FRIDAY AROUND ABOUT  FOUR.

HE ANSWERED THATS FINE CAN I HELP YOU NOW, WITH ANYTHING ELSE OR MORE.

I REPLIED NO THANKS I'M HAPPY WITH THAT BUT IT BETTER BE HERE BY THEN.

I THEN SAID IN A JOKING MOOD OR YOUR SHOP WILL BE  LIKE  BEDLAM.

WELL LAST FRIDAY I FINISHED THE BATHROOM WHEN SUDDENLY MY PHONE IT RANG.

HELLO SAID A VOICE IT'S THE CARPET SHOP YOUR CUSHIONFLOORS HERE HE SANG.

WHOOPEE! I REPLIED OH! THANKYOU MY FRIENDS CALLING ROUND AT FOUR.

SO I WENT INTO THE BATHROOM FOR A FINAL MOP OF THE FLOOR.

I RANG UP MY FRIEND AND TOLD HER SHE OFFERED TO GO STRAIGHT THERE.

I WAS PLEASED AS PUNCH AS I MOPPED AWAY AT THE BATHROOM FLOOR ALL BARE.

THEN I ADDED MY FINAL TOUCHES I COULD SEE MY BATHROOM COMPLETE.

RUBBED ALL THE CHROMEWORK SHINY IT REALY LOOKED A TREAT.

Br! Br!  MY DOORBELL BUZZED OUT LOUD I OPENED THE DOOR TO GREET.

MY FRIEND CAME INSIDE AND SAID WITH A SIGH KATH CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE A SEAT.

THE CUSHIONFLOORS ARRIVED OK!! BUT INSTEAD OF PEACH IT'S BLACK.

OH! I DON'T FLIPPING BELIEVE IT AND ALMOST FELL FLAT ON MY BACK.

YES THE MAN IN THE SHOP HE PUT  ON THE FORM A FOUR INSTEAD OF A TWO.

SO HE'S ASKED ME TO GIVE YOU APOLOGIES FROM HIMSELF WHEN I SAW YOU.

APOLOGIES I JUST YELLED OUT!!!  DO YOU  SEE WHAT THIS WILL MEAN.

MY COMPANY'S ARRIVINGTOMORROW AND THE BATHROOMS NOT  FINISHED BUT  CLEAN.

AND WHAT IF I FALL ON THEM FLOORBOARDS IT'S NOT GOING TO BE MUCH FUN.

WHEN I LAND WITH A BANG AND I'M STOOD THERE WITH A SPLINTER STUCK IN MY BUM.

COME ON I'M GOING TO SEE THAT MAN AND GIVE HIM A PIECE OF MY MIND.

AND I WON'T BE AS POLITE AS LAST WEEK OR AS JOLLY AND KIND.

SO OFF I SPRANG MY BLOOD BOILING INTO THE SHOP IN A RAGE.

HE WAS STOOD THERE WITH SOME SAMPLE BOOKS SHOWING THIS LADY A PAGE.

I SAID DON'T PICK OWT FROM THAT BOOK LOVE IT NEVER ARRIVES FOR A WEEK.

THEN WHEN YOU COME TO COLLECT IT THE WRONG COLOURS BEEN ORDERED WHAT CHEEK!!!!

WELL I'M HERE NOW FOR MY MONEY BACK PLEASE HE TREMBLED AND JUST STOOD AND STARED.

I WAS  JUST LIKE A RAGING BULL AND THERE STOOD ON IT'S END MY HAIR.

HE SAID OH!! LOOK I'M SO SORRY I'LL KNOCK DOWN THE PRICE BY HALF.

AND ON TUESDAY I'LL HAVE IT DELIVERED FOR YOU FREE  ON MY BEHALF.

STRAIGHT FROM  THE MANUFACTURES CAN I HELP YOU WITH ANYTHING ELSE.

I REPLIED YES I'LL HAVE IT FITTED FREE!!!  TOO INSTEAD OF DOING IT MYSELF.

HE AGREED SO I WAS SO JOYOUS BUT BE WARNED IF BY TUESDAY NOT HERE.

YOUD BETTER NOT MAKE PLANS FOR CHRISTMAS OR FOR THE FOLLOWING YEAR.

HE LAUGHED AND TOLD ME DON'T WORRY I'D ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT.

SO I PUT IN MY PURSE THE REFUND SAID GOOD DAY AND RETURNED TO MY FLAT.

WELL NOW FOR THE MOMENT IV'E POPPED ON THE FLOOR AN OFF CUT OF CARPET I HAD.

AND I'M HAPPY WITH MY BARGAIN THINKING WHAT A GOOD HAGGLE NOT BAD!!!!

NOW BY TUESDAY I'M HOPEING MY BATHROOMS COMPLETE WITH CUSHIONFLOOR  LAID AND ALL DONE.

AND  NO VISITS TO THE HOSPITAL  WITH SPLINTERS  DUG INT MY BUM

AS JAN SAID IN ONE OF MY COMMENTS A WALKING DISASTER I AM.

WELL NOW JAN UNTIL TOMORROW  MORN I'LL TAKE CARE AS MUCH AS I CAN.

CHRISTMAS AROUND THE CORNER I'M HOPEING ALLS FINISHED AND FINE.

AND ANOTHER ADVENTURE OF KATH'S BEEN TOLD RIGHT HERE IN "MY SIMPLE RHYME".

HO!! HO!! HO!! ( it pAYS TO SAY WHAT YOU THINK)

                       WOT A BARGAIN!!!!!!!!!

                           WHOOPEE!!!!!

                     "MERRY CHRISTMAS"

                     CUSHIONFLOOR MAN .

 HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

       

   

 

 

 

"CHEERS AND ALL THE VERY BEST"

       "CHEERS AND ALL THE VERY BEST"

TONIGHT INSTEAD OF POSTING CARDS I'M SENDING OUT THIS RHYME.

TO WISH YOU ALL IN J/LAND A BRILLIANT CHRISTMAS TIME.

LOVE WARMTH AND HAPPINESS PEACE GOODWILL AND CHEER.

BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES THIS CHRISTMAS AND ALL NEXT YEAR.

ENJOY WHATEVER COMES TO YOU THROUGH YOUR OPEN DOOR.

THANK GOD FOR ALL YOUR BLESSINGS AND ALL HE SENDS AND MORE.

WHATEVER BE YOURS ENJOY IT AND MY PRAYERS GO OUT TO THE SICK.

I WILL ASK THE LORD TO BLESS YOU ALL WITH A RECOVERY THAT IS QUICK.

I'LL BE THINKING OF ALL YOU WONDERFUL FOLKS WHEN MY CRACKERS I DO PULL.

HOPE WHEN YOU RISE CHRISTMAS MORNING ALL YOUR STOCKINGS THEY ARE FULL.

I CAME TO J/LAND TO WRITE MY RHYMES JUST TO PASS THE TIME.

NEVER DREAMING I'D MEET A GROUP OF FRIENDS SO CAREING AND SO FINE.

SOMETIMES IT'S BEEN A STRUGGLE KEEPING UP  WITH ALL MY ALERTS.

BUT EVERY READ HAS BEEN PERFECT AND YOUR COMMENTS HAVE BEEN MY PERKS.

SO IV'E WRITTEN THIS RHYME TO THANK YOU FOR THE KINDNESS YOU HAVE ALL SHOWN.

YOU ARE JUST ABOUT THE BEST BUNCH OUT OF CAREING PEOPLE IV'E KNOWN.

MY RHYMES MAY NOT BE PROFFESSIONAL OR MY JOURNAL THE BEST IN LOOKS.

BUT THE WISHES I'M SENDING HERE FROM MY HEART COULD FILL A SET OF BOOKS.

SO "A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS " TO ALL YOU WONDERFUL FRIENDS.

FROM ASTORIASAND OTHERWISE  KATH MY WISHES TO YOU I DO SEND.

MILLIONS OF HUGS AND WISHES GOD BLESS YOU THIS CHRISTMAS TIME.

CHEERS!! AND ALL THE VERY BEST FROM KATH AND "MY SIMPLE RHYMES" 

(BY THE WAY THE BOTTLE IS FULL OF TONIC)

                                   HO!!  HO!! HO!! 

  PLEASE

 

DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE THIS CHRISTMAS!!!!!! 

THANKYOU DONNA FOR THIS LOVELY GRAPHIC.

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