"NOT TOO PLEASED AT ALL."

              "NOT TOO PLEASED AT ALL"

THIS IS A TALE I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER FROM WHEN MY KIDS WERE SMALL.

THE ELDEST NOW WHO IS 38 THOUGHT HE COULDN'T BE FOOLED AT ALL.

IN FACT HE'S REALY INTELLEGANT AND WAS ALWAYS UP AND ABOVE.

THE OTHER PUPILS IN HIS YEAR SOME SAID HE COULDN'T BE BLUFFED.

WELL ONE WINTERY JANUARY MORNING MY YOUNG ONES HAD GONE OFF TO SCHOOL.

WITH A KIND DEAR NEIGHBOUR IN HER CAR SO I THOUGHT I'D PLAY THE FOOL.

MY ELDEST SON HAD LEFT THE FIRST AT AGE  14  WAS

INDEPENDANT YOU KNOW.

THIS MORNING I AM SPEAKING OF WE'D woke up TO HEAVY SNOW.

SO I DECIDED TO GO TO TOWN AS LOTS OF THINGS WERE SHORT.

IN MY FRIDGE AND CUPBOARDS AND IF IT GOT WORSE I DIDN'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT.

IN SNOWSTORMS AND BLIZZARDS AND  BE STRANDED BEFORE THE  BUSES  GOT STOPPED.

SO I KNEW I HAD BETTER GET OUT THERE QUICK AND DO A  VERY BIG SHOP.

WELL NORMALLY  I'M QUITE A DRESSY PERSON  BUT THE WEATHER WAS FAR TOO BAD.

FOR THE OUTFITS IN MY WARDROBE AND NO SUITABLE FOOTWEAR I HAD.

THE SNOW HAD FALLEN BY SUPRIZE AND I NEEDED TO STOCK UP QUICK.

SO I THOUGHT I WOULD BORROW SOME CLOTHES OFF MY SON AND JUST GET READY QUICK.

FIRST ON MY HEAD I PULLED RIGHT DOWN TO MY EYESMY SONS WOOLYHAT.

THEN A COUPLE OF THICK WOOL SWEATERS THIS MADEMY CHEST LOOK FLAT (HA).

SOME TROUSERS OF MY SONS I DONNED AS I WAS REALY SLIM.

ONLY A SIZE EIGHT  IN THEM DAYS AND NOW THEY DIDN'T FIT HIM.

HE WAS JUST 14  AT THIS TIME  AND I WAS JUST THIRTY FIVE.

NOW I NEEDED A COAT SO I FOUND ONE UPSTAIRS WHICH I THOUGHT WOULD BE JUST RIGHT.

ONE MY NEIGHTBOURS HAD PASSED ONTO ME FOR MY SON  BUT tUrned out TOO BIG.

HE HADN'T SEEN IT AT THIS TIME SO IT WAS JUST RIGHT FOR MY GIG.

YOU KNOW WHAT KIDS ARE LIKE I'M SURE AND FOR SCHOOL HE WOULD ONLY WEAR.

THE CLOTHES HE THOUGHT WERE TRENDY THEN I SPOTTED HIS WELLYBOBS THERE.

UNDERNEATH THE WELLYBOBS AS WE ALL CALLED THEM THEN.

I PUT MY PARTNERS  RUGBY SOCKS ON SO THEY'D FIT WITH NO PROBLEM (HA).

I TOOK A GLANCE IN THE MIRROR AND I LOOKED THE PART REAL FINE.

YES I WAS THE LIVING DOUBLE OF COMPO "LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE" (HA)

IN CASE YOU OVER THE POND DON'T KNOW I'LL TELL YOU THIS IS A SHOW.

FROM ENGLISH TV IT'S SO FUNNY SO NOW ALL OF YOU DO KNOW.

I RUSHED OUTSIDE TO RUN FOR THE BUS ON APPROACHING THE SHELTER WAS FULL.

THE SNOW WAS VERY DEEP INDEED AND THE SKY WAS BLACK AND DULL.

ONE LAD STARTED LAUGHING AT MEWHO WAS SAT ON THE BUS SHELTER SEAT.

SO I PEEKED FROM THE CORNER OF MY EYE OVER  THE SCARF WRAPPED AROUND MY CHEEKS.

STOOD WELL BACK FROM THE CROWDS I COULD SEE MY SON  WAS SITTING THERE TOO.

AND HE GAVE OUT A GREAT BIG LAUGH AS WELL AND THE REST OF THEM FOLLOWED THROUGH.

THIS LAD SAID LOUDLY TO MY SON BUT I DON'T THINK HE KNEW I COULD HEAR.

"JUST LOOK AT THE STATE OF THAT MATES"  IN MY EAR IT ECHOED CLEAR.

I WAS DYEING TO LAUGH WITH THE REST OF THEM WHEN THERE HEADS TURNED TO GAZE AT ME.

MY SONS VOICE ECHOED OUT QUITE PLAIN  LOOKS LIKE FLIPPING  "COMPO" TO ME.

WELL I THOUGHT YOU CHEEKY MONKEY BUT I KNEW THAT HE WAS QUITE RIGHT.

I DID LOOK A BIT OF A DROUPOUT  BUT  I WAS  A FUNNY SIGHT.

BRIGHT SPARK MY SON TURNED TO ALL OF THEM MUST HAVE REALISED IT WASN'T A MAN.

SAID TO ALL THE KIDS IT'S A WOMAN  "THANK GOODNESS"   IT'S NOT MY MAM "  (HA)

WELL HOW I KEPT MY FACE STRAIGHT I WILL NEVER KNOW TO THIS DAY.

BUT EVERYONE CRACKED UP LAUGHING AND THE BUS WAS IN SIGHT ON IT'S WAY.

IT CAME TO A HALT AND THE DRIVER SHOUTS OUT GROWN UPS BEFORE YOU KIDS.

WELL I RUSHED FORWARD MY HEAD BOWED DOWN AND MY WELLYBOBS STARTED TO SKID.

DOWN ON MY BACKSIDE I LANDED AND SUCH A COMMOTION WENT ON.

HA! HA! HA! HA! YOU COULD HERE THEM ALL BIG GRINS ON THERE FACES SHONE.

THE DRIVER SHOUTED "HELP THAT POOR MAN"   DONT JUST STAND THERE AND LAUGH.

BUT DURING THE FALL MY SCARF FELL ASIDE AND A LADY SHOUTS OH! DEAR  IT'S KATH.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOKS ON THERE FACE AND MY SONS AS THEY ALL STOOD THERE.

AND ALL THE OTHER KIDS FROZE IN THERE SHOES AND THEY WERE AMAZED AND STARED.

AHHHHHHH!! I HAD YOU FOOLED SON DIDN'T I WAS MY CRY.

WIPEING A BIG LUMP OF SNOW OFF MY FACE ON THE FLOOR LOOKING UP TO THE SKY.

" YOUR NOT GOING TO TOWN LIKE THAT MUM " EMBARRASSED HE LOOKED AT HIS MATES.

THEN THEY ALL STARTED CHANTING HA! HA! HA! MRS WHITE YOU REALY  LOOK GREAT.

WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE " COMPO"  FROM " LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE".

COME ON NEIL HELP YOUR MUM UP NOW OR WE WON'T GET TO SCHOOL ON TIME.

ALL OF THEM PILED ON THE BUS IT WAS FULL THERE WAS ONLY STANDING ROOM LEFT.

THEN ONE KID SHOUTED OUT TO OUR NEIL  HEY! SHE'LL BE  NORA BATTY NEXT

I LAUGHED WITH THEM ALL AND SOON WE ARRIVED IN TOWN SO I GOT OFF THE BUS.

ALL THE KIDS GATHERED ROUND ME AND STARTED MAKEING A FUSS.

MY SON HE WASN'T VERY AMUSED AS I LEFT THEM I SHOUTED TO HIM.

HA! HA! I KNEW I WOULD FOOL YOU ONE DAY SON AND I WALKED OFF WITH A GRIN.

WHEN  HE CAME HOME FOR TEA WITH HIS MATES THAT NIGHT HE WASN'T TOO PLEASED AT ALL.

BUT HE DID ASK CONCERNED "MUM WERE  YOU OK"! AFTER YOUR COMPO FALL. (HA).

WE ALL GATHERED ROUND SON  WAS  LAUGHING AT ME AND HE SAID MUM DO YOU KNOW

I AM  GLAD THAT YOU ARE MY MUM  AND PROUD COS ALL MY MATES LOVE YOU SO.

ONE OF HIS MATES TOOK HOLD OF ME SAID WISH MY MUM WAS LIKE YOU. 

THERES NEVER A DULL MOMENT WITH YOU NEILS MUM  NONE OF US EVER FEEL BLUE.

THEN A NIEGHBOUR KNOCKED ANNOUNCING HOW'S "COMPO" FROM SUMMER WINE (HA)

MY SON ANSWERED HERE SHE IS LIZ AND SHE 'S NOT HURT SHE IS FINE.

SHE REALY DID  HAVE ME FOOLED FOR ONCE AND I'M NOT EMBARRASSED AT ALL.

MY MATES HAVE JUST ASKED HER TO DO ONE MORE STUNT EVEN IF IT IS SMALL.

TO BE NORAH BATTY THIS TIME IN PINAFORE CURLERS AND ALL.

AND  TO TAKE A SWEEPING BRUSH WITH HER  AND USE IT AS A STICK.

THEN SHE WON'T FALL IN THE DEEP DEEP SNOW IT WILL REALY DO THE TRICK.

SO I'LL LEAVE YOU ALL NOW TO COMMENT UNTIL MY ENTRY NEXT TIME.

HAVE A GOOD DAY FROM "COMPO AND NORA " AND KATH AND MY SIMPLE RHYME. HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

NOTHING  LIKE A GOOD LAUGH THATS ME!!!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY.HAAAAAAAA HE!! HE!! HE !!!!

 

 

 

 

 

"SATURDAY NIGHT OUT"

                         "SATURDAY NIGHT OUT"

 

ONCE AGAIN I'M GOING BACK MANY  YEARS TO WHEN I WAS JUST A TEEN.

IT'S A TALE ABOUT GETTING HOME LATE AND DAD WONDERING WHERE WE HAD BEEN.

TURNED EIGHTEEN AND OLD ENOUGH NOW TO GO OUT TO THE CLUBS.

ME AND MY MATES EACH SATURDAY NIGHT WOULD CRAWL AROUND THE PUBS.

WELL ONE WEEK WE MET TWO NICE LADS WHO ASKED US FOR A DATE.

THEY WERN'T FROM OUR OWN LOCAL TOWN BUT A CITY WE WERE TOLD WAS GREAT.

SO THEY ARRANGED TO MEET US ONE SATURDAY NIGHT AND OFF TO THERE CITY WE'D GO.

ON THE BUS TO THERE PLACE TO HAVE A FEW JIVES  OR SO.

YES DO YOU REMEMBER THE MECCA FANTASTIC THE BIG DANCE HALL .

WE WERE TOLD THAT IT WAS FABULOUS YOU COULD REALY HAVE A BALL.

WE DRESSED UP LIKE TWO POP STARS ME AND MY MATE WE LOOKED FAB.

BEFORE WE GOT ON THE BUS TO SET OFF PLENTY WOLF WHISTLES WE'D HAD.

ARRIVED AT THE MECCA AND MET THESE GUYS MINE WAS AN ELVIS DOUBLE

 A WARNING BEFORE I SET OFF FROM HOME MY DAD SAID STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.

ALL NIGHT LONG WE  BOTH DRANK AND JIVED JIGGING ABOUT SO FAST.

WHEN MY FRIEND SAID KATH WE HAVE TO LEAVE OR WE'LL MISS OUR BUS IT'S THE LAST.

SO WE SAID OUR GOODBYES TO THE TWO GUYS AND ARRANGED TO MEET THEM AGAIN.

SET OFF RUNNING IN OUR STILLETTO'S DOWN THIS VERY DARK LANE.

HALF WAY DOWN WE COULD SEE THE BUS WHEN WE LOOKED IT WAS STARTING OUT.

ON IT'S LAST HOMEWARD JOURNEY SO WE BOTH BEGAN TO SHOUT.

I WAS WAVING MY ARMS AND SHOUTING VERY LOUD AT THE TOP OF MY VOICE.

STOP!!! BUT THE BUS JUST LEFT US AND THEN I HEARD A LOUD NOISE.

WE WERE BOTH REALY WORRIED WE'D MISSED IT THEN AGAIN THIS CHUGGING SOUND.

MY FRIEND SAID LOOK WHATS COMING KATH AND SO I TURNED AROUND.

A BRIGHT LIGHT SHONE ON TOP OF IT THEN SLOWLY CAME UP NEAR.

THIS BLOKE PUT HIS HEAD THROUGH THE WINDOW AND SAID CAN I HELP YOU TWO DEAR.

MY FRIEND SAID YES WE NEED A LIFT ABOUT TEN MILES OR SO.

OK!! HE SAID COME ON CLIMB UP I'LL TAKE YOU HOME BUT SLOW.

HA! HA! WE COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING WE WERE SAT WAY UP HIGH ABOVE GROUND.

YES IN THE COUNCIL ROADSWEEPER WHICH TRAVELS ALL AROUND TOWN. (HA).

THE NOISE IT WAS OVERPOWERING CHUG CHUG CHUGGING ALONG.

SO THEN MY MATE DECIDED TO GIVE THE DRIVER A SONG.

DON'T FORGET WE'D HAD A FEW DRINKS AND OUT FOR A BIT OF FUN.

"SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME" SHE SANG AND I JOINED IN AND HUMMED. (HA).

AGES IT SEEMED WE HAD TRAVELLED IN THIS SWEEPER AS YOU WELL KNOW.

ABOUT FIVE MILES AN HOUR THESE FLIPPING THINGS ARE SLOW.

BUT WE HAD NO MONEY LEFT FOR TAXI'S SO A GOD SEND WAS THIS LIFT.

SO WE HAD TO ACCEPT THIS OFFER IT REALY WAS A GIFT.

WELL MY FRIEND SAID TO THE DRIVER I AM COLD CAN I BORROW YOUR COAT.

HE SAID YES DO WHAT YOU WANT IT'S NOT MINE BUT A GUY WHO WORKS HERE AND DOTES.

ON YOUNG GIRLS LIKE YOU AND OTHER WOMEN AND HIS WIFES TRYING TO FIND SOME PROOF.

IF HE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE AND WE BOTH LOOKED AT HIM ALOOF.

IT WAS HUNG ON A HOOK INSIDE  THE CAB SO MY FRIEND SHE LIFTED IT DOWN.

POPPED IT OVER HER SHOULDERS AND WRAPPED IT ALL AROUND.

OH! CAROL I SAID I'M VERY LATE MYDAD WILL RING MY NECK.

SHE REPLIED OH! DON'T WORRY KATH WE'VE HAD A LAUGH NEVER MIND WHAT THE HECK.

WELL FINALLY WE DID MAKE IT AND THE TOP OF OUR ROAD WE WENT.

CHUG CHUG CHUGGING LAUGHING AGAIN THE ROADSWEEPER A RACKET IT SENT.

OUT VERY LOUD AND A LIGHT CAME ON IN A BEDROOM AND THEN THERE WERE TWO.

VOICES WERE SHOUTING FROM WINDOWS CAN YOU MAKE A LESS NOISE OUT THERE YOU.

I LOOKED AT CAROL AND WE BOTH BURST OUT LAUGHING OUR LIDS OFF VERY LOUD.

WHEN THE DRIVER SHOUTED I'M DOING A GOOD DEED FOR TWO GIRLS I FEEL VERY PROUD.

I'M TAKING THEM BOTH HOME SAFELY SO GET IN AND STOP MAKING A FUSS.

THEYV'E BEEN TO THE MECCA IN THE CITY SO YOU SEE THEY HAVE MISSED THE  LAST BUS.

IV'E NEVER LAUGHED AS MUCH IN MY LIFE AS CAROL SAID OH! OH! NO!.

SHE WAS STRETCHING TO LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW WHEN SHE FELT HER SUSPENDER BELT GO. (HA).

THE GUY SAID WHATS THE MATTER LOVE SHE REPLIED OH! NOTHING I'M FINE.

SHE SAID OH! KATH I HOPE WE ARE GOING TO BE HOME IN A VERY SHORT TIME.

SHE SAID KATH YOU SEE I'M IN TROUBLE  I TOOK OFF MY STOCKINGS AT THE CLUB.

SO WHEN I STAND UP MY SUSSY WILL DROP DOWN AND SHE WRIGGLED AS MUCH AS SHE COULD.

TO TRY AND TAKE IT OFF IN THE CAB TO PUT IN HER HANDBAG YOU SEE.

THEN SHE NUDGED ME AND SAID IV'E DONE IT KATH AT LAST I'M FLIPPING FREE.

SHE WISPERED IT'S BEEN KILLING ME ALL NIGHTLONG ON THE FLOOR.

THEN WE CAME TO A HALT AND THE DRIVER GOT OUT AND CAMEROUND AND OPENED THE DOOR.

YOUR HOME NOW GIRLS HE SHOUTED IVE A VERY LONG JOURNEY BACK NOW. 

SO WE JUMPED OUT AND AS WE DID SO MY STILLETTO HEEL BROKE SOMEHOW.

AAAH!! I SHOUTED TO CAROL IV'E JUST BROKE THE HEEL OFF MY SHOE.

GOODNIGHT SAID THE DRIVER I'M OFF NOW YOUR A PAIR OF NUTTERS YOU TWO . (HA).

WELL CAROL LET OUT THIS VERY LOUD SOUND WHOO! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO.

AS THE ROADSWEEPER TURNED AROUND AND PASSED I SAID WHATS UP WITH YOU.

SHE SAID IVE' LEFT HIS MATES  WIFE SOME PROOF THAT HE IS HAVING AFFAIRS.

AND SHE THREW AWAY HER STOCKINGS THEY WENT FLOATING INTO THE AIR. (HA).

THEY'D HOOKED  ONTO THE SIDE  OF THE TRUCK AND I ALMOST COLLAPSED AND DIED .

I COULDN'T GET MY BREATH FOR LAUGHING AT THE STOCKINGS DANGLING BESIDE.

HER SUSSY SHE'D HID IN HIS POCKET NOW ALL HER LEGS WERE BARE (HA)

AND THIS PAIR OF STOCKINGS WAVING ABOUT ALL OVER IN THE AIR.

WELL I ROLLED ABOUT LIKE A KELLY THOUGH I FELT MORE LIKE HOPALONG.

(CASSIDY) HA!! AS I WOBBLED DOWN HOME AND CAROL WAS SINGING  HER SONG.

"SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME"I'M TIRED AND I WANT TO GO TO BED.

I HAD AN IDEA ABOUT TEN MINUTES AGO AND IT'S GONE RIGHT TO MY HEAD.

NO MATTER WHERE I ROAM,ON LAND OR SEA OR FOAM.

I WILL ALWAYS REMEBER FINDING TONIGHT MY SUSPENDER BELT A NEW HOME.

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! WE LAUGHED AS WE REACHED OUR DOOR.

WHEN WE GOT INSIDE WE BOTH COLLAPSED WITH LAUGHTER ON THE FLOOR.

DAD HE WAS IN A GOOD MOOD THANK GOODNESS AND SAID OH! I'M GLAD YOU ARE HOME.

DID YOU GET A TAXI GIRLS I WAS JUST ABOUT TO PHONE.

THE LOCAL POLICE I WAS WORRIED BUT I HEARD YOUR LAUGHTER AND SO.

I THOUGHT OH! THERE HERE AT LAST AND NOW OFF TO MY BED I WILL GO.

I CALLED OUT SORRY WE'RE LATE DAD AND WHISPERED NEAR CAROLS CHEEK.

IN THE ROADSWEEPER WE CAME HOME DIDN'T WE ARE WE GOING THERE NEXT WEEK. (HA).

SHE BID ME GOODNIGHT AND ANSWERED YES BUT I'M GOING OUT IN MY TIGHTS.

COS I DON'T LIKE LOSING SUSPENDER BELTS TO ROADSWEEPERS WIVES SATURDAY NIGHTS (HA! )

I HOPE YOUV'E ENJOYED MY TALE I HAVE TOLD OF ANOTHER OF MY PAST TIMES.

IV'E TRIED TO START OUT  2007  WITH A LAUGH IN "MY SIMPLE RHYMES".

HAAAAAAA!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"EVERYTHING WAS WHITE".

I LOOKED OUT THIS MORNING EVERYTHING WAS WHITE.

WE'D HAD A CRUEL FROST IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

A GUY WAS HAVING PROBLEMS STARTING UP HIS CAR.

AND I COULD TELL BY LOOKING HE WASN'T GOING FAR.

HIS LADY FREIND OR WIFE WAS STOOD THERE LOOKING ON.

THEY WERE STRANGERS SO I WONDERED WHERE THEY WERE FROM.

HAD THEY BEEN WALKING ALONG THE BEACH AT ALL.

AS IN THE BACK SEAT WAS A DOG ONLY SMALL.

I STOOD THERE AND WATCHED AS HE WAS MESSING ABOUT.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE BEGAN TO SHOUT.

I KNEW THIS FLIPPING WRECK WOULDN'T GO VERY FAR.

WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN IT'S A HEAP OF JUNK THIS CAR.

WELL I WAS ASTONISHED I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EARS.

SHE LOOKED A RIGHT ROUGH TYPE BUT I WAS IN TEARS.

WITH LAUGHTER AT THESE TWO I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

I'M NOT THE KIND OF PERSON WHO USUALLY WATCHES MORE.

BUT YOU JUST COULDN'T HELP IT THE CAR MADE SUCH A DIN.

AND SHE WAS LIKE A FOG HORN RANTING ON AT HIM.

BAREING IN MIND I DON'T SLEEP VERY WELL.

I'D NOT LOOKED AT THE CLOCK BUT EARLY I COULD TELL.

EVERYONE ASLEEP AND THE OTHER HOMES AROUND.

WERE ALL STILL IN DARKNESS AND NOT A SINGLE SOUND.

EXCEPT FOR THIS CHUGGING NOISE AND HER YELLING OUT.

RING YA FLIPPING MATE THEN SHE GAVE  ANOTHER SHOUT.

OH!! SHUT YA FACE UP WOMAN YOU ARE NOWT BUT A NAG.

THEN SHE SWUNG AND SHE HIT HIM ROUND THE HEAD WITH HER BAG.

I WAS TRYING NOT TO LAUGH MY NEIGHBOURS NOT TO WAKE.

THINKING OH! DEAR PLEASE BE QUIET FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

THE DOG WAS  JUST SAT QUIETLOOKING OUT AT THE TWO.

WHEN SHE YELLED OUT AGAIN AND I'M GETTING RID OF YOU.

I WASN'T QUITE SURE IF SHE MEANT THE DOG OR HIM.

WHEN SHE YELLED OUT AGAIN OH! I'M GOING FOR A SWIM.

DON'T TALK FLIPPING STUPID WOMAN YOUR OUT OF YOUR MIND.

I'M GETTING IN THE CAR SO YOU GET BEHIND.

GIVE ME A PUSH WHEN I SHOUT OUT RIGHT.

I CARN'T ASK ANYONE ELSE THERE'S KNOWONE IN SIGHT.

I'M STILL STOOD AT THE WINDOW LOOKING THROUGH MY BLIND.

WHEN SHE BENDS DOWN AND PUSHES  FROM BEHIND.

ONLY IN THERE TWENTIES AND STRANGERS TO TOWN.

SORRY TO HAVE TO SAY THIS BUT HE LOOKED A RIGHT CLOWN.

PUSH HE SHOUTS OUT CAN YOU FLIPPING HEAR ME NOW.

THEN HE JUMPS OUT THE CAR AND SHOUTS OH! MOVE YA STUPID C - -

Oh! THE LANGUAGE WAS AWFULL THEN I SAW A BEAM OF LIGHT.

AND CRAWLING ON THE PROM WAS A POLICE CAR IN SIGHT.

HE SAW IT TOO AND SHOVES HER IN THE CAR.

SHOUTING GET YA HEAD DOWN WE ARE NOT GOING FAR.

THEY BOTH BOBBED DOWN AND HID WHILE THE POLICE CAR DROVE PAST.

THEN AFTER A FEW MINUTES THEY APPEARED AGAIN ALAS.

STILL SHE WAS YELLING VERY ABUSIVE INDEED.

WHEN HE DECIDED THEN A TOILET HE DID NEED.

HE JUST STOOD THERE NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD.

AND URINATED IN FULL VEIW I WAS VERY DISTURBED.

I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EYES SHE JUST WATCHED HIM AND SAID.

I BET THE STUPID BATTERY IS LIKE YOU ALMOST DEAD.

I DON'T  FLIPPING KNOW WITH SWEAR WORDS THROWN IN.

HE SHOUTED BACK MAKING MORE OF A DIN.

BY THIS TIME AT LEAST A WHOLE HOUR MUST HAVE PASSED.

HE WASN'T FIT TO DRIVE AS SHE'D SHOUTED YOU ARE GASSED.

SO I OPENED MY WINDOW AND CALLED OUT HEy! YOU!.

COULD YOU BE QUIET PLEASE THE  BOTH OF YOU.

HE LOOKED UP SUPRIZED AND JUST SHOUTED BACK.

OH! GET INSIDE AND SHUT UP YA  OLD BAT.

WELL ME AN OLD bAT!!!!  I THOUGHT WAIT TILL I DRESS.

IF I COME OUT THERE YOU WILL BE IN A MESS.

I ANSWERED VERY STERNLY DON'T CALL ME AN OLD BAT.

MOVE ON THE PAIR OF YOU AND CLOSED MY WINDOW AT THAT.

I RANG THE POLICE AND I TOLD THEM THE TALE.

THE OFFICER HE CHUNTERED AND STARTED TO WAIL.

OH! WE HAVE KNOWONE ON DUTY AS YET WILL IT WAIT.

I'LL SEND SOMEONE ROUND LETS SEE ABOUT EIGHT.

I TOLD HIM DON'T BOTHER AS BY THAT TIME I'M SURE.

THEY'LL HAVE TAKEN THERE HOOKS AND NEVER SAID NO MORE.

I WENT IN THE BATHROOM AND GOT MYSELF WASHED.

WHEN I HEARD HIM AGAIN OH!! P-- O-- AND GET LOST.

WITH THIS I WAS LIVID AND ONCE MORE I TRIED.

SHOUTING MYSELF FROM THE WINDOW OPEN WIDE.

SHE PUT UP TWO FINGERS TO ME IN THE AIR.

AND HE ONCE AGAIN JUST STARTED TO SWEAR.

SO I HAD HEARD ENOUGH AND MY EYES THEY DID SPOT.

MY DISH OF SATSUMAS  PICKED ONE UP AND TOOK A SHOT. (HA HA )

I AIMED BEST I COULD AND IT HIT THE BULLS EYE.

RIGHT ON HER NOSE AND SHE LET OUT A CRY.

IV'E NO IDEA WHY BUT SHE STARTED TO RUN.

HE GRABBED THE DOG ANDTURNED ROUND AND SPUN.

OFF LIKE A SHOT I THOUGHT HA HA ! I HAVE WON.

WITH A BOWL OF SATSUMAS WHO NEEDS A GUN.(HA)

I WAITED AND WAITED BUT THEY DIDN'T COME BACK.

WHEN LATER THE OFFICER CAME ROUND TO MY FLAT.

I SAID OH! THEY TOOK OFF I'M HAPPY TO SAY.

I DIDN'T TELL HIM WHY HA! AND HE BID ME GOOD DAY.

A PICKUP TRUCK CAME ROUND ABOUT DINNER TIME.

TOWED IT AWAY AND NOW EVERYTHINGS FINE.

SO ANOTHER DAYS OVER HOPE I'VE GIVEN YOU A LAUGH.

IN MY "SIMPLE RHYME" WRITTEN BY KATH.

 

WHAT AM I LIKE LOL!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"HOPING ALL'S FINISHED AND FINE"

IV'E ONLY BEEN AT MY NEW ADDRESS ABOUT THE LAST EIGHT WEEK.

IT'S ALL LOOKING NICE AND COSY BUT MY BATHROOM I HAD TO COMPLETE.

I DECIDED I'D HAVE A REFURBISHMENT AROUND ABOUT NEXT MAY.

SO UNTIL THAT TIME WITH CHRISTMAS COMING UP I'D SPRUCE IT UP IN A WAY.

THE TILES WERE NEW SO I CLEANED THEM ALL AND PAINTED THE WALLS PALE CREAM.

BOUGHT ALL NEW CHROME ACCESSORIES IN THE SPOTLIGHTS THEY REALY  GLEAM.

I BOUGHT A NEW BLIND AND MADE SOME  VOILE DRAPES ADDED SOME AQUA AND PEACH.

THE FLOORBOARDS WERE NEW AND  IV'E  MOPPED THEM A THOUSAND TIMES WITH BLEACH.

I'M A BIT OF A FUSSY PERSON AND CLEANLINESS IS A MUST.

I HOPED THE  FLOORBOARDS NOW THERE  ALL DONE WON'T START  LETTING IN DUST.

SO I WENT ALONG TO SOME CARPET SHOPS A WEEK LAST SATURDAY.

TO CHOOSE SOME NICE NEW CUSHIONFLOOR TO SEE ME UNTIL NEXT MAY.

WITH MOST OF THE BATHROOM CREAM AQUA AND CHROME I NEEDED A WARM COLOUR SO.

I DECIDED THE FLOOR WOULD BE PASTEL PEACH AND THIS WOULD GIVE A WARM GLOW.

I LOOKED ALL ROUND TOWN BUT I COULDN'T FIND JUST WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

DETERMINED I CONTINUED ON PEACH CUSHIONFLOOR TO FIND.

THEN I REMEMBERED ABOUT A STORE WHICH IS QUITE EXPENSIVE AND DEAR.

BUT I HAD TO HAVE SOMETHING DOWN ON THE FLOOR BARE FLOORBOARDS NO GOOD TILL NEXT YEAR.

AT LAST I ENTERED THE FINAL SHOP PRAYING AND HOPING I'D GET.

EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED THEN ALL MY BATHROOM NEEDS MET.

LOTS OF ROLLS WERE STOOD OUTSIDE BARGAINS THAT WERE LOOSE.

BUT THERE WASN'T ANYTHING PEACHY SO INSIDE I WENT TO CHOOSE.

LOOKING THROUGH ALL THE SAMPLE BOOKS AND PRICING HOW MUCH WERE EACH.

THE COLOURS THEY WERE NUMEROUS BUT I COULDN'T FIND any PEACH.

NOTHING I SAW was THE RIGHT SHADE AT ALL TILL I SPOTTED A BOOK UP HIGH.

SCANNING THROUGH THE PAGES I GAVE OUT A HEAVY SIGH.

EXACTLY THE SHADE AND THICKNESS I SPIED THERE ONE THAT WAS RIGHT.

NOW WHERE WAS THE SHOP ASSISTANT I COULDN'T SEE HIM IN SIGHT.

THEN A GUY CAME OUT OF ANOTHER ROOM  AND SAID  THATS AN EXPENSIVE LOT.

I SAID I'M REALY NOT BOTHERED IF THE RIGHT ONE I HAVE GOT.

I'LL HAVE TO ORDER THAT ONE HE SAID,SO HE STARTED TO DO THE FORM.

WHILE HE DID THAT I WAS FROZEN SO I STOOD NEXT TO HIS HEATER SO WARM.

I ASKED HIM WHAT THE DELIVERY WAS HE SAID OH ONLY A WEEK.

IT WILL BE HERE FOR SURE NEXT FRIDAY MORN AS INTO HIS BOOK HE DID PEEK.

I SAID AS LONG AS YOUR SURE OF THAT I'LL ORDER NOW THEN AND PAY.

SO HE GOT OUT HIS CALCULATOR AND STARTED TAPPING AWAY.

AT LAST HE CAME TO A FINAL SUM AND I HANDED HIM OVER MY POUNDS.

ARE YOU HAVING IT DELIVERED MADAM OR COLLECTING IT ON YOUR ROUNDS.

I SAID I'LLSEND A FRIEND OF MINE NEXT FRIDAY AROUND ABOUT  FOUR.

HE ANSWERED THATS FINE CAN I HELP YOU NOW, WITH ANYTHING ELSE OR MORE.

I REPLIED NO THANKS I'M HAPPY WITH THAT BUT IT BETTER BE HERE BY THEN.

I THEN SAID IN A JOKING MOOD OR YOUR SHOP WILL BE  LIKE  BEDLAM.

WELL LAST FRIDAY I FINISHED THE BATHROOM WHEN SUDDENLY MY PHONE IT RANG.

HELLO SAID A VOICE IT'S THE CARPET SHOP YOUR CUSHIONFLOORS HERE HE SANG.

WHOOPEE! I REPLIED OH! THANKYOU MY FRIENDS CALLING ROUND AT FOUR.

SO I WENT INTO THE BATHROOM FOR A FINAL MOP OF THE FLOOR.

I RANG UP MY FRIEND AND TOLD HER SHE OFFERED TO GO STRAIGHT THERE.

I WAS PLEASED AS PUNCH AS I MOPPED AWAY AT THE BATHROOM FLOOR ALL BARE.

THEN I ADDED MY FINAL TOUCHES I COULD SEE MY BATHROOM COMPLETE.

RUBBED ALL THE CHROMEWORK SHINY IT REALY LOOKED A TREAT.

Br! Br!  MY DOORBELL BUZZED OUT LOUD I OPENED THE DOOR TO GREET.

MY FRIEND CAME INSIDE AND SAID WITH A SIGH KATH CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE A SEAT.

THE CUSHIONFLOORS ARRIVED OK!! BUT INSTEAD OF PEACH IT'S BLACK.

OH! I DON'T FLIPPING BELIEVE IT AND ALMOST FELL FLAT ON MY BACK.

YES THE MAN IN THE SHOP HE PUT  ON THE FORM A FOUR INSTEAD OF A TWO.

SO HE'S ASKED ME TO GIVE YOU APOLOGIES FROM HIMSELF WHEN I SAW YOU.

APOLOGIES I JUST YELLED OUT!!!  DO YOU  SEE WHAT THIS WILL MEAN.

MY COMPANY'S ARRIVINGTOMORROW AND THE BATHROOMS NOT  FINISHED BUT  CLEAN.

AND WHAT IF I FALL ON THEM FLOORBOARDS IT'S NOT GOING TO BE MUCH FUN.

WHEN I LAND WITH A BANG AND I'M STOOD THERE WITH A SPLINTER STUCK IN MY BUM.

COME ON I'M GOING TO SEE THAT MAN AND GIVE HIM A PIECE OF MY MIND.

AND I WON'T BE AS POLITE AS LAST WEEK OR AS JOLLY AND KIND.

SO OFF I SPRANG MY BLOOD BOILING INTO THE SHOP IN A RAGE.

HE WAS STOOD THERE WITH SOME SAMPLE BOOKS SHOWING THIS LADY A PAGE.

I SAID DON'T PICK OWT FROM THAT BOOK LOVE IT NEVER ARRIVES FOR A WEEK.

THEN WHEN YOU COME TO COLLECT IT THE WRONG COLOURS BEEN ORDERED WHAT CHEEK!!!!

WELL I'M HERE NOW FOR MY MONEY BACK PLEASE HE TREMBLED AND JUST STOOD AND STARED.

I WAS  JUST LIKE A RAGING BULL AND THERE STOOD ON IT'S END MY HAIR.

HE SAID OH!! LOOK I'M SO SORRY I'LL KNOCK DOWN THE PRICE BY HALF.

AND ON TUESDAY I'LL HAVE IT DELIVERED FOR YOU FREE  ON MY BEHALF.

STRAIGHT FROM  THE MANUFACTURES CAN I HELP YOU WITH ANYTHING ELSE.

I REPLIED YES I'LL HAVE IT FITTED FREE!!!  TOO INSTEAD OF DOING IT MYSELF.

HE AGREED SO I WAS SO JOYOUS BUT BE WARNED IF BY TUESDAY NOT HERE.

YOUD BETTER NOT MAKE PLANS FOR CHRISTMAS OR FOR THE FOLLOWING YEAR.

HE LAUGHED AND TOLD ME DON'T WORRY I'D ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT.

SO I PUT IN MY PURSE THE REFUND SAID GOOD DAY AND RETURNED TO MY FLAT.

WELL NOW FOR THE MOMENT IV'E POPPED ON THE FLOOR AN OFF CUT OF CARPET I HAD.

AND I'M HAPPY WITH MY BARGAIN THINKING WHAT A GOOD HAGGLE NOT BAD!!!!

NOW BY TUESDAY I'M HOPEING MY BATHROOMS COMPLETE WITH CUSHIONFLOOR  LAID AND ALL DONE.

AND  NO VISITS TO THE HOSPITAL  WITH SPLINTERS  DUG INT MY BUM

AS JAN SAID IN ONE OF MY COMMENTS A WALKING DISASTER I AM.

WELL NOW JAN UNTIL TOMORROW  MORN I'LL TAKE CARE AS MUCH AS I CAN.

CHRISTMAS AROUND THE CORNER I'M HOPEING ALLS FINISHED AND FINE.

AND ANOTHER ADVENTURE OF KATH'S BEEN TOLD RIGHT HERE IN "MY SIMPLE RHYME".

HO!! HO!! HO!! ( it pAYS TO SAY WHAT YOU THINK)

                       WOT A BARGAIN!!!!!!!!!

                           WHOOPEE!!!!!

                     "MERRY CHRISTMAS"

                     CUSHIONFLOOR MAN .

 HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

       

   

 

 

 

"CHEERS AND ALL THE VERY BEST"

       "CHEERS AND ALL THE VERY BEST"

TONIGHT INSTEAD OF POSTING CARDS I'M SENDING OUT THIS RHYME.

TO WISH YOU ALL IN J/LAND A BRILLIANT CHRISTMAS TIME.

LOVE WARMTH AND HAPPINESS PEACE GOODWILL AND CHEER.

BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES THIS CHRISTMAS AND ALL NEXT YEAR.

ENJOY WHATEVER COMES TO YOU THROUGH YOUR OPEN DOOR.

THANK GOD FOR ALL YOUR BLESSINGS AND ALL HE SENDS AND MORE.

WHATEVER BE YOURS ENJOY IT AND MY PRAYERS GO OUT TO THE SICK.

I WILL ASK THE LORD TO BLESS YOU ALL WITH A RECOVERY THAT IS QUICK.

I'LL BE THINKING OF ALL YOU WONDERFUL FOLKS WHEN MY CRACKERS I DO PULL.

HOPE WHEN YOU RISE CHRISTMAS MORNING ALL YOUR STOCKINGS THEY ARE FULL.

I CAME TO J/LAND TO WRITE MY RHYMES JUST TO PASS THE TIME.

NEVER DREAMING I'D MEET A GROUP OF FRIENDS SO CAREING AND SO FINE.

SOMETIMES IT'S BEEN A STRUGGLE KEEPING UP  WITH ALL MY ALERTS.

BUT EVERY READ HAS BEEN PERFECT AND YOUR COMMENTS HAVE BEEN MY PERKS.

SO IV'E WRITTEN THIS RHYME TO THANK YOU FOR THE KINDNESS YOU HAVE ALL SHOWN.

YOU ARE JUST ABOUT THE BEST BUNCH OUT OF CAREING PEOPLE IV'E KNOWN.

MY RHYMES MAY NOT BE PROFFESSIONAL OR MY JOURNAL THE BEST IN LOOKS.

BUT THE WISHES I'M SENDING HERE FROM MY HEART COULD FILL A SET OF BOOKS.

SO "A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS " TO ALL YOU WONDERFUL FRIENDS.

FROM ASTORIASAND OTHERWISE  KATH MY WISHES TO YOU I DO SEND.

MILLIONS OF HUGS AND WISHES GOD BLESS YOU THIS CHRISTMAS TIME.

CHEERS!! AND ALL THE VERY BEST FROM KATH AND "MY SIMPLE RHYMES" 

(BY THE WAY THE BOTTLE IS FULL OF TONIC)

                                   HO!!  HO!! HO!! 

  PLEASE

 

DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE THIS CHRISTMAS!!!!!! 

THANKYOU DONNA FOR THIS LOVELY GRAPHIC.

       XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

 

 

                                            

              

"A BIT OF THIS AND THAT"

"A BIT OF THIS AND THAT"

CHRISTMAS IS COMING AND I'LL BE GETTING FAT.

EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT A BIT OF THIS AND THAT.

WHATEVER IS IN FRONT OF ME I CARN'T RESIST A NIBBLE.

AND I'M NOT USED TO DRINKING SO DOWN MY CHIN I DRIBBLE.

CHOCOLATE BAUBLES HANGING FROM THE CHRISTMAS TREE.

I'VE BOUGHT FOR THE CHILDREN AND THEY'LL BE TEMPTING ME.

THE FRIDGE FULL OF GOODIES WHEN I OPEN THE DOOR.

OH! JUST A BIT OF CHESHIRE AND THEN I WANT SOME MORE.

THEN I OPEN MY CONTAINERS FULL UP OF CHRISTMAS CAKE.

AND GRAB A FEW PIECES WELL THERE MINE FOR TO TAKE.

THE TARTS AND MINCE PIES ARE A DOWNFALL FOR ME.

AS WITH THEM I LOVE BRANDY SAUCE AND SOMETIMES CREAM YOU SEE.

SO OUT COMES MY DISH AND I POP IN ONE OR TWO.

POUR THE SAUCE OVER THEM AND IN BETWEEN I CHEW.

A FEW SALTED PEANUTS LYING THERE ON A TRAY.

I JUST CARN'T LEAVE THESE ALONE I'M EATING THEM ALL DAY.

I REALY REALY DO MAKE A GLUTTON OF MYSELF.

AND I CARN'T RESIST THE ROSES CHOCS TOO UPON THE SHELF.

FANCY JARS IV'E DECORATED SCATTERED ROUND MY FLAT.

ALSORTS IV'E PUT IN THEM ALL WHICH MAKE ME FAT.

CHOCOLATE PEANUTS AND RAISINS ALL OF THEM AS SUCH.

I USUALLY GRAB A FEW OF THOSE SAYING THANKYOU VERY MUCH.

I'M ALSO STILL A KID AT HEART SO I DO USUALLY BUY.

A FEW SELECTION BOXES FOR THE CONTENTS TO TRY.

IN THE HALL I PLACE A TROLLEY TO GREET ALL OF MY GUESTS.

PILED UP WITH EVERYTHING IT SIMPLY IS THE BEST.

BUT YOU CAN GUARANTEE EVERY TIME I PASS IT BY.

I'LL PICK A PIECE OF THIS AND THAT AND GIVE IT A TRY.

BY THE TIME THEY ALL ARRIVE THERE ARE LOTS TO REPLACE.

YES I BET YOUV'E GUESSED ALREADY IT'S BECAUSE IV'E FED MY FACE.

NOW COMES THE WORST PART AFTER ALL OF THAT.

I ASK THE MIRROR QUESTIONS AND IT ANSWERS YES YOUR FAT.

I'M TRYING TO GET READY FOR THE PANTOMINE AT NIGHT.

THEN I THINK TO MYSELF OH! YOUR NOT A PRETTY SIGHT.

I PULL THE ZIP UP ON MY DRESS AND IT WILL HARDLY MEET.

I SAY DAMN THAT BLOOMING TRIFLE AND ALL THOSE CHRISTMAS TREATS.

I'M HOLDING IN MY STOMACH NOW TO TRY MAKE IT LOOK FLAT.

GASPING FOR BREATH I BREATH OUT RELEASE THE FAT.

I THEN FEEL SOMETHING LOOSE AND I HAVE TO ADMIT.

MY BRA HOOKS JUST SNAPPED AND I'M LOSING MY T--.

THE BEDS PILED HIGH BY NOW WITH CLOTHES OF EVERY COLOUR AND KIND.

AND NONE OF THEM WILL FIT ME SO I'M OUT OF MY MIND.

I HAVE TO RING MY FRIEND AND SAY I'M NOT VERY WELL.

SOMETHINGS GONE WRONG AND IV'E STARTED TO SWELL.

OH!I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT KATH DON'T WORRY TAKE  A BREAK.

HAVE  A NICE LIE DOWN AND REST FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

SO THE PANTO IS OUT AND I HAVE TO NOW STOP IN.

SAYING TO MYSELF OH! WHY CARN'T I BE SLIM.

I'M MOODY AND ALL DEPRESSED NOW THAT IV'E MISSED JACK.

WITH HIS BEANSTALK AND THE REST OF THEM SO I REACH FOR A SNACK.

I'M AT IT ONCE AGAIN NOW FEEDING MY FACE.

CLOTHES ARE ALL AROUND ME ALL OVER THE PLACE.

YES CHRISTMAS IS COMING AND I'LL BE GETTING FAT.

BUT IT'S LOVELY JUST TO NIBBLE ON A BIT OF THIS AND THAT.

WHEN NEW YEAR APPROACHES I HAVE ALWAYS FOUND.

I LOOK INTO THE MIRROR AND I'M COMPLETLY ROUND.

I MAKE MY RESOLUTION WITH A BIG CHEESY GRIN.

AND PROMISE TO MYSELF FOR THE SUMMER I'LL GET SLIM.

CARROTS  GRAPES SATSUMAS WILL BE SCATTERED ROUND THE FLAT.

A DIFFERANT KIND OF NIBBLE AND A BIT OF THIS AND THAT.

I WILL  MAKE MY MIND UP TO BE SLIM BY EASTER TIME.

TILL THEN A BIT OF THIS AND THAT FOR NOW WILL BE JUST FINE.

I'M GOING TO ENJOY IT  LIKE IV'E PUT HERE IN MY RHYME.

YOU HAVE GOT TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND I EAT AT "CHRITMAS TIME".

                    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

" COUNTING SHEEP"

I WOKE IN THE NIGHT AND COULDN'T GET BACK TO SLEEP.

I TOSSED AND I TURNED AND I TRIED COUNTING SHEEP.

STILL I JUST COULDN'T GET SETTLED BACK DOWN.

SO I TWISTED THE DUVET AROUND AND AROUND.

FIRST PULLED IT THIS WAY AND THEN PULLED IT THAT.

THEN I THOUGHT TO MYSELF OH! MY PILLOWS TOO FLAT.

I PUFFED THREE TOGETHER THEN FOUND THEM TOO HIGH.

MY NECK IT WAS ACHEING I BREATHED OUT A SIGH.

OH! I'LL GET UP AND MAKE A NICE CUP OF TEA.

ADD A TEASPOON OF BRANDY TO HELP RELAX ME.

ON MAKEING MY WAY THROUGH THE HALL TO THE LOO.

I TRIPPED UP AND FELL OVER MY OLD PAIR OF SHOES.

STUMPED MY BIG TOE AND GAVE OUT A YELL.

WHEN I SAT ON THE LOO IT STARTED TO SWELL.

WHAT WITH THE SORE ANKLE AND NOW MY BIG TOE.

I WAS FEELING QUITE GRIM WITH THE TOE SWELLING SO.

I DECIDED I MUST GIVE THEM BOTH A GOOD SOAK.

HOPEING THIS WEEK ALSO MY TOE WASN'T BROKE.

AS MY ACCIDENT LAST WEEK LEFT ME WITH A HOBBLE.

NOW MY BIG TOE I'M ON A KIND OF A WOBBLE.

FILLED UP THE BOWL AND I DID A QUICK TWIST.

THEN I SEEMED TO FEEL SOMETHING CLICK IN MY WRIST.

THE WATER IT STARTED TO SPILL OR'E THE SIDE.

ONTO ME AND THE FLOOR AND I STARTED TO SLIDE.

SLIPPING AND SKIDDING I FELL IN A FLASH.

THE WATER TEAMED OVER AND I FELT A BIG SPLASH.

ARMS IN THE AIR I REACHED OUT TO GRAB.

HOLD OF THE CHAIR BUT I MISSED AND WENT MAD

THE BOWL HAD TIPPED ALL OF IT'S CONTENTS ON ME.

A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES GLAD KNOWONE SAWME.

DRIPPING WET THROUGH LIKE A DROUNDED RAT.

I WAS MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE DOWNSTAIRS FLAT.

QUICK GRAB SOME TOWELS I THOUGHT TO MOP UP.

MY TEA HAD GONE COLD BY NOW IN THE CUP.

WATER WAS EVERYWHERE OVER THE FLOOR.

IT STARTED TO SEEP UNDER MY LAUNDRY DOOR.

I GRABBED FOR THE TOWELS FROM A CUBOARD QUITE NEAR.

WHEN I DID THE SPLITS  AND SLIPPED BANGING MY EAR.

ON THE HANDLE OF THE OVEN JUST TO MY RIGHT.

I CAUGHT MY REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR WHAT A SIGHT.

MY HAIR WAS WET THROUGH MY NIGHTDRESS AS WELL.

MY ANKLE WAS THROBBING AND MY TOE NOW WELL SWELL.

I FELT LIKE I'D HAD A GOOD CLIP ROUND THE EAR.

THINKING BLIMEY IV'E BEEN KNOCKED INTO NEXT YEAR.

I WASN'T GETTING FAR SO THE TOWELS I THREW DOWN.

STOOD THERE ARMS FOLDED ON MY FACE A BIG FROWN.

ALL THIS BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET TO SLEEP.

THINKING NEXT TIME I'LL CARRY ON COUNTING SHEEP.

YOU KNOW ME BY NOW AND I DO LIKE A LAUGH.

WELL IT WASN'T VERY FUNNY SO I RAN A HOT BATH.

I FILLED IT WITH BUBBLES AND LAID DOWN TO SOAK.

THE WATER SO HIGH I HOPED I DIDN'T CHOKE.

AS I LAY THERE AND WONDERED  ABOUT THIS AND THAT.

I SAID TO MYSELF I LOVE MY DEAR FLAT.

IT OVERLOOKS THE SEA WITH A PADDLE IN VIEW.

AND I CAN PADDLE AS WELL  IN MY KITCHEN  TOO.

WAKEING EACH DAY AT THE CRACK OF DAWN .

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I STARTED TO YAWN.

THE NEXT THING I KNEW I WOKE UP FEELING FINE.

I'D DRIFTED TO SLEEP IN THE BATH IT WAS NINE.

SONEXT TIME I CARN'T SLEEP IV'E FOUND ME A  CURE.

I'LL SPILL A BOWL OF WATER ON MY KITCHEN FLOOR.

STUMP MY BIG TOE AND BANG MY LEFT EAR.

THEN MAYBE WHO KNOWS I MIGHT SLEEP TILL NEXT YEAR.

I'M TAKEING THINGS STEADY NOW ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I'M GLAD I'M STILL HERE THOUGH TO WRITE

"MY SIMPLE RHYME" .

HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Astoriasand.