"THIS WEEK I AM HAVING MY GRANDSON".

THIS WEEK I AM HAVING MY GRANDSON SO I CANNOT GET ONLINE.

YOU KNOW WHAT THESE YOUNGSTERS ARE LIKE TODAY THEY ARE ON THE GO ALL THE TIME.

SO I AM BUSY ENTERTAINING HIM AND DOING THE YOUNG KIND OF STUFF.

AND I MUST ADMIT I CARN'T KEEP UP  I REALY AM OUT OF PUFF (HA).

UP WITH THE LARKS COOKING BREAKFAST GETTING OUT CLEAN CLOTHES FOR HIM.

AND EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT SO I KNOW I WILL NEVER BE SLIM (HA)

TODAY WE ARE GOING WAY BACK IN TIME I'MTAKING HIM FOR A WALK.

TO THE MUSEUM OF ALL THE ARCADE GAMES AND THEN I WILL HAVE A TALK.

TO SEE WHAT HE THINKS OF THE THINGS THAT WE DID WITH NO TECHNOLOGY OF TODAY.

HE'S COST ME A FORTUNE ALREADY SINCE HE ARRIVED HERE LAST  SUNDAY (Ha)

STILL I WANT TO SPOIL HIM A LITTLE AS THE LAST SIX YEARS THATS GONE BY.

HE'S BEEN LIVING OVER THE OCEAN IN SPAIN WHERE THE SUN SHINES AND LOVELY BLUE SKY.

SO HE'S NOT QUITE USED TO ALL OF THIS FROST AND COLD WINDS ETC WE GET.

BUT HE DOES TELL ME HE WISHED  HE  LIVED HERE HE'S HAVING THE BEST TIME YET.

AFTER MUSEUM WE'RE BAKING A CAKE AS JOSEPH HE IS QUITE THE COOK.

HIS MUM TELLS ME HE WILL COOK ANYTHING WHICH HE FINDS LOOKS GOOD IN A BOOK.

SO IT LOOKS LIKE A NICE PEICE OF CAKE AFTER TEA Mmmmmmm SOUNDS VERY TEMPTING TO ME.

AND WE HAVE TO LET THEM EXPERIMENT WHEN  YOUNG I HOPE YOU ALL AGREE.

HE WILL BE THIRTEEN IN JULY  THIS YEAR BUT HE HASN'T UP TO PRESS.

DECIDED WHAT HE WANTS DO IN A FEW MORE YRS YET I GUESS.

SO IF I DO NOT COMMENT AT ALL IN YOUR JOURNAL ALL THIS WEEK.

YOU ALL NOW KNOW THE REASON AS MY CHANCE OF GETTING  HERE  LOOKS BLEAK.

THESE YOUNG ONES ARE JUST SO WIZZ LIKE AND IN HIS SPARE TIME HE'S NOW ONLINE.

HE HAS LEARNED ME QUITE A FEW THINGSTHOUGH SO THIS TO ME IS JUST  FINE.

I HOPE YOUR ALL WELL AND HAPPY AND AOL ARE TREATING YOU GOOD.

SOMETIMES IN  THE EVENING I FIND OUT THAT MY JOURNAL IT IS JUST STOOD.

AOL WILL NOT LET ME EDIT  IT AND THE GRAPHICS SO SLOW  DRIVES ME MAD .

SO I THOUGHT I WOULD GRAB THIS EARLY HOUR  AS AT THIS TIME IT'S  NOT REALY BAD.

IT SEEMS TO BE LIKE LIGHTENING IN THE MORNINGS WHEN I AWAKE.

BUT AS I SAY IN THE EVENINGS IT'S JUST HOPELESS AND HOURS IT TAKES.

SO I WILL LOVE AND LEAVE YOU ALL NOW AND IF BY NEXT WEEK I'M STILL HERE (HA)

I'LL BE BACK ONLINE WRITING MY SIMPLE RHYME AMONGST J/LAND FRIENDS SO DEAR.

SO WRAP UP KEEP WARM IF IT'S COLD DOWN YOUR WAY I LOOK FORWARD TO BEING BACK SOON.

WHEN JOSEPH GOES HOME AND LEAVES ME AGAIN NEXT SATURDAY AFTERNOON.

I AM TRYING TO FIT IN SOME COMMENTS,BUT I DON'T REALY HAVE MUCH TIME.

TO WATCH JOSEPH AND COMMENT EVERYWHERE AND ENTER  MY SIMPLE RHYMES.

ASTORIASAND       

A BASKET OF ROSES TO ALL OF YOU"

                     

VALENTINES DAY IS SPECIAL IT'S FOR SENDING OUT MESSAGES OF LOVE.

WELL HERE I AM POSTING  ONCE AGAIN AND IV'E PLACED A GRAPHIC ABOVE.

FEBRUARY 14TH  IS IMPORTANT TO ME AS IT'S GIVING  ME JUST THE CHANCE.

TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS IN A RHYME AND IN THE GRAPHIC TOO AT A GLANCE.

"A BASKET OF ROSES TO ALL OF YOU" I THOUGHT THE GRAPHIC JUST RIGHT.

NOT RED ONES FOR LOVERS BUT PINK FOR YOU LADIES ROSEBUDS ALL SO TIGHT.

AS OVER THE LAST TEN YEARS OR SO I HAVE HAD DEPRESSION REAL BAD.

TEARS I WOULD SHED IN ABUNDANCE AND I WAS ALWAYS SAD..

THEN ONE DAY I DECIDED A JOURNEY ROUND J/LAND I'D MAKE.

TRY FORGET THE MEDICATION DOC TRIED EVERYTHING I COULD TAKE.

IT TOOK A WHILE TO FIND MY WAY ROUND BUT THE PEOPLE WERE SO SINCERE.

I FOUND DONNA WHO MAKES SUPER GRAPHICS AND ALLY A LADY SO DEAR.

JAN OF SEREDIPITY SO KIND ABOUT ALSORTS SHE  WRITES.

CHRIS OF CABS CREATIONS WITH HER GRAPHICS OH! SO  BRIGHT.

WELL THEN I MET SANDRA'S SCRIBBLES WITH ROMAN A JOY TO SEE.

ASTRA A LADY I  CHATTED WITH WHEN SHE ENCOURAGED ME.

I'M SORRY SHE HAD TO LEAVE US AS WE WERE GETTING ON FINE.

I AM STILL A LITTLE AFRAID OF CHAT BUT I KNOW IT WILL COME WITH TIME.

MY TEARS SEEMED TO LESSON SO QUICKLY AND I STARTED LAUGHING AGAIN.

J/LAND BRIGHTENED UP MY DAY AND I THOUGHT THIS IS MY GAIN.

ANOTHER FRIEND I THEN CAME ACROSS JOANS MUSINGS AND STUART FROM PERTH.

DEBBIE MARAINEY LEIGH AND MISSIE NOT KNOWING HOW MUCH THE'RE ALL WORTH.

SUSIE AND BRONNY AND JENNY WITH HER JOURNAL STOP THE CLOCK.

INDIGO MAGRAN CELESTE I DIDN'T NEED ELECTRIC SHOCKS.

AS THE HOSPITAL HAD SUGGESTED THE NEXT TREATMENT THAT WOULD BE.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN MY DOCTOR SAW A REALY BIG CHANGE IN ME.

HE ASKED DEAR KATH WAS HAS HAPPENED YOU SUDDENLY SEEM ALL AGLOW.

THERE'S NO MORE TEARS WHEN YOU VISIT ME CAN YOU TELL ME I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

WELL I HAVE BEEN PRAYING REAL HARD DOCTOR AND SUGAR HAS BEEN REAL KIND.

MARK WITH SALTY AND FRANK AND MARY THEN CAME INTO MY MIND.

TERRIE FROM GRAHAMFARMA AND OH! NOT FORGETTING FRIEND SAM.

TILLYWOO MILLIE AND LOVELY MARIE THERE WITH HER COOKING PLANS.

ROXXYMAMA SHELLEY WITH HER WONDEFUL GRAPHICS TOO.

THANKYOU FOR MY QUILT SQUARE ON MY SIDEBAR FACNG YOU.

MANY MORE I COULD MENTION SINCE I  POPPED ROUND J/LAND WAY.

I FEEL A COMPLETELY NEW PERSON EVER SINCE THAT DAY.

MY JOURNAL GIVES ME A CHANCE TO EXPRESS MANY MEMORIES I HAD LOCKED INSIDE.

GAVE ME A CHANCE TO LAUGH AGAIN SINCE THEN I DON'T THINK IV'E CRIED.

AS WHEN I WAKE UP EACH MORNING IF I FEEL SOME COMPANY I NEED.

I TAKE A TRIP THROUGH J/LAND AND ENJOY AN EXCELLANT READ.

THESE PEOPLE ARE KIND AND COSIDERATE SOMEONE IS ALWAYS THERE.

SO NOW I DON'T FEEL SO LONELY NO MORE FEELINGS OF KNOWONE CARES.

WELL SAID DOC THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL WITH A SMILE UPON HIS FACE.

I'M GOING TO NOW LESSON YOUR TABLETS UNTIL IN YOUR BLOOD NOT A TRACE.

I AM HAPPY NOW IT IS VALENTINES DAY AND I CAN SEND OUT ALL MY LOVE.

TO ALL OF YOU IN J/LAND AND ALSO THANK GOD ABOVE.

BECAUSE GOD AND YOU ALL HAVE SOMETHING A POWER WHICH GUIDED ME THROUGH.

EVERY  DAY SINCE LAST APRIL WHEN I FOUND OUT ALL ABOUT YOU.

SO FOR VALENTINES DAY I AM SENDING FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

"A BASKET OF ROSES TO ALL OF YOU"  THOUGH BEST NOT FORGET 

 "MY OLD FART"

  (HA HA ).

YES HOW COULD I NOT HAVE A LAUGH IN MY RYHME IT JUST WOULDN'T BE ME KATH.

WOULD IT NOW BE TRUTHFULL? SO I COULDN'T LEAVE OUT THAT.

THANKYOU FOR ALL YOUR COMMENTS AND TAKING OUT THE TIME.

TO ACCEPT ME AS ONE OF YOUR J/LAND FRIENDS I'VE NEVER FELT SO FINE.

A WONDERFUL DAY TO ALL OF YOU AND I HOPE YOU GET HUGS GALORE.

I CANNOT WAIT FOR MY BOUQET AND MY CARDS TO DROP ON THE FLOOR.

IV'E POSTED MY RHYME QUITE EARLY AS TODAY I"M PUSHED FOR  TIME.

I HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR ROSES IV'E SENT HERE IN "MY SIMPL

                                 " HAPPY VALENTINES DAY ""

                                               KATH

                                          ASTORIASAND

                   

             XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

          

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"WHEN IV'E WORKED OUT"

THE OTHER  SATURDAY MORNING I WENT ON A SHOPPING TRIP.

I PUT ON MY BEST UNDERWEAR TO SEE IF OWT WOULD FIT.

I WANTED TO PROVE THE MIRROR WRONG  AND HADN'T PUT ON A POUND.

AS MY REFLECTION WHEN I LOOKED THERE SEEMED TO MAKE ME FAT AND ROUND.

THE FIRST SHOP THAT I ENTERED HAD LOTS OF QUALITY CLOTHES.

TROUSERS TOPS AND SWEATERS AND SKIRTS DOWN TO MY TOES.

I SAW SOME VERY SMART TROUSERS THEY WERE JUST THE KIND I NEED.

SO I NIPPED INSIDE AND TRIED THEM ON AND FOUND I COULDN'T BREATH.

OH! MY GOD MY FAT IS TRAPPED WHATEVER CAN I DO.

THE ZIP GOT STUCK AND THERE I WAS MY FACE WAS TURNING BLUE.

EMOTIONS TURNED TO PANICK  SO I CALLED OUT TO THE GIRL.

CAN YOU COME AND HELP ME PLEASE MY MIND IS IN A WHIRL.

I'M FEELING KINDA DIZZY AND THE REASON IS YOU SEE.

THIS ZIP IS STUCK AND MY FATS TRAPPED PLEASE COME AND SET ME FREE.

SHE LOOKED AT ME BEWILDERED SIZE 12 YOU ASKED ME FOR.

THATS RIGHT I SAID I WAS A 12 WHEN I WALKED THROUGH YOUR DOOR.

LET ME HAVE A 14 THEN IF I CAN GET THESE OFF.

SHE TUGGED AND PULLED AT THIS ZIP TO SEE IF I COULD DOFF.

OUCH!!!!!  I SHOUTED LOUDLY YOU HAVE JUST NIPPED ALL MY SKIN.

WELL IF YOU DIDN'T EAT TOO MANY CAKES YOU MIGHT GET YOURSELF SLIM.

WHY? DO YOU THINK I'M FAT I ASKED SHE ANSWERED YES I DO.

I'M A VERY HONEST PERSON AND I WOULD NOT LIE TO YOU.

I WAS MOST OFFENDED SO I SAID OH! COME ON QUICK.

GET THESE TROUSERS OFF ME AND I'LL GO BOOK IN KEEP FIT.

I DON'T THINK YOUR GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL YOU'VE MOVED THAT ZIP.

AND IF IT BREAKS  IT'S  TWENTY POUND WITH THIS I ALMOST FLIPPED.

TWENTY POUND!!!   I HOLLOWED NOT LIKELY I'LL MOVE IT SOON.

I'LL SIT HERE IN THE CUBICLE MY FAT WILL GO BY NOON.

YOU SEE I'VE JUST HAD WEETABIX AND MY STOMACH IT DOES SWELL.

I DON'T THINK I HAVE PUT ON WEIGHT YOUR GARMENTS SMALL I CAN TELL.

SUPRIZED SHE WALKED AWAY FROM ME AND CALLED THE MANAGERESS.

SAID A LADY IN THE CUBICLE IS STUCK AND CARN'T GET DRESSED. (HA).

BY THIS TIME MY BACK ACHING FROM THE FAT IT ALL BEING TRAPPED.

AND WITH TUGGING AT THE ZIP NOW MY ENERGY HAD BEEN SAPPED.

FOR A LAUGH KATH SHOUTS GET THE FIRE BRIGADE THEY MIGHT KINDLY LOOSE.

THIS STUPID ZIP AND THEN MAYBE ANOTHER PAIR I'LL CHOOSE.

COS I'M NOT PAYING TWENTY POUND FOR A ZIP WHEN THE GARMENT IS SMALL FIT.

IT'S YOUR FAULT I AM STUCK IN HERE AND FEELING A FAT TWIT.

SO I TOOK A MIGHTY GREAT BIG BREATH AND THE GIRL SHE TUGGED AWAY.

THE ZIP IT FLOATED DOWN I SHOUTED HIP !! HIP!! HIP!!  HOORAY.

MY FAT ROLLED OUT INTO PLACE HEAVEN LET ME TELL YOU.

BUT I HAD THIS GREAT BIG INPRINT ON MY STOMACH TURNING BLUE.

INPRINTS JUST LIKE TRAM LINES I SAID LOOK WHAT IT'S DONE.

IT'S A GOOD JOB IT WASN'T AT THE BACK OR A WORSE SIGHT ON MY BUM.

BLOW IT I THOUGHT I'M OUT OF HERE  I HAD BEEN AN HOUR IN THIS SHOP.

ALREADY MY STOMACH WAS RUMBLING AGAIN SO I LEFT FOR THE COFFEE SHOP.

I SAT AND ORDERED A SARNY BACON AND TOMATO PLEASE.

MY OWN TROUSERS I WERE WEARING COMFY AND  I COULD RELEASE.

MY FAT AS MUCH AS I WANTED I THOUGHT I DON'T NEED TO SLIM.

THEM TROUSERS IN THAT SHOP WERE SMALL AND I DON'T WANT TO BE MORE TRIM.

MY SANDWHICH WAS DELICIUOS I WENT FOR A WALK ON THE PROM.

WENT INTO MARKS AND SPENCERS AND GOT A PAIR JUST PULL ON.

THERE COMFY AND ONLY A MERE SIZE 12 I'M REALY AS PLEASED AS PIE.

AND I'M CONVINCED SOME LABELS ON CLOTHES REALY DECEIVE THE EYE.

I CALLED INTO THE CHEMIST FOR SOME CREAM FOR MY TRAM LINES.

HOPING THAT MY STOMACH WOULD HEAL IN A VERY SHORT TIME.

I STILL CARN'T GET OVER £20 FOR A ZIP I THINK IT'S A LOT.

SO NEXT TIME I GO SHOPPING I'M NOT STOPPING AT THAT SHOP.

CHEEKY LITTLE MONKEY TELLING ME YES I THINK YOUR FAT.

IF I'D HAVE BEEN A SIZE THIRTY I COULD HAVE UNDERTOOD ALL THAT.

BUT SHE WAS ONLY ABOUT A SIZE SIX AND SHE MUST HAVE THOUGHT THAT I .

SHOULD SLIM AND LOOK LIKE A MATCHSTICK AS SHE LOOKED TO MY EYE.

WELL I'M GOING TO TRY AND GET RID OF MY FAT ON MY STOMACH AND GET IT FLAT (HA).

SO IT WON'T GET TRAPPED IN A ZIP AGAIN AND NOT EAT THIS AND THAT.

MAYBE THEN I WILL FEEL AT EASE WHEN I GO SHOPPING AG-EN.

AND I WON'T HAVE TO TAKE DEEP BREATHS LIKE I DID IN THAT SHOP BACK THEN.

THE ZIP WILL GLIDE UP AND DOWN WITH EASE AND I 'LL NOT BE OUT OF BREATH.

AS I MUST ADMIT WHEN I WAS STUCK THERE IT FRIGHTENED ME TO DEATH.

WHEN IV'E WORKED OUT AT MY KEEP FIT MY STOMACH WILL LOOK REAL FINE.

THE TRAM LINES GONE AND I'LL SIT HERE SIZE 10 WRITING  " MY SIMPLE RHYME"

                 

     ASTORISAND!!             KATH.

WISHFULL THINKING OR WHAT LOL!!!

"SEEMS I'M STILL A WALKING DISASTER "   LOL!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"WHEN I GOT UP"

I GOT UP ON SATURDAY TO DECORATE THE HALL.

MY NEIGHBOUR GAVE HER VIEW AND SAID IT DIDN'T WANT DOING AT ALL.

BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS GRUBBY WHEN I POPPED ON MY SPECS.

TO HAVE A LICK OF PAINT AND PAPER NO HARM WHAT THE HECK!!

I'D BOUGHT SOME PAINT FOR TOP HALF WHICH WAS LOVELY WHITE AS SNOW.

GOT OUT MY TOOLS AND SAID COME ON GIRL YOU CAN GO GIRL GO!!

MY ONLY FEAR THE STEPLADDERS CLIMBING TO THE TOP.

I IMAGINED I WAS 21 SAID OH! UP THEM GIRL YOU'LL HOP.

BEFORE I STARTED OUT I QUICKLY TOOK ANOTHER LOOK.

AT A PICTURE I HAD FOUND I LIKED IN A DECOR BOOK.

YES THATS HOW I WOULD LIKE IT  EXCITED I SAID TO MYSELF.

IT'LL LOOK REAL NICE WHEN FINISHED AND PLACED BACK MY MIRROR AND SHELF.

SO THEN I NEEDED BRUSHES AND AN APRON TO PUT ON.

I'D ALREADY GOT THEM OUT ONCE BUT I COULDN'T FIND WHERE THEY'D GONE.

I SEARCHED AROUND AND WONDERED WHEREVER CAN THEY BE.

I'D ONLY GOT THEM READY ON FRIDAY ROUND ABOUT THREE.

MY SPARE ROOM IS NOT SORTED YET FROM WHEN I MOVED IN HERE.

ONLY A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO NOW AND THERES ALSORTS STUCK IN THERE.

SO I LIFTED THIS AND LIFTED THAT AMAZING WHAT I HAD.

WHEN SUDDENLY I SPOTTED THERE A ROLLER WITH SPONGE PAD.

OH! THIS WILL DO THE JOB GREAT TWO TICKS AND IT WILL BE  DONE.

YOU ALL KNOW ME BY NOW OF COURSE I THOUGHT OH! THIS WILL BE FUN.

I'M THINKING GETTING EXERSIZE AND THAT WILL DO ME GOOD.

WHEN FROM  A SHELF IN MY SPARE ROOM COMES CRASHING DOWN SOME WOOD.

IT HIT ME ON THE HEAD I SAID WELL THATS A FINE START NOW.

BUT I'M GOING TO CARRY ON AND GET THE JOB DONE SOME OLD HOW.

I STILL COULDN'T FIND MY APRON SO I TOOK A DUSTBIN BAG.

A HOLE I CUT FOR MY HEAD AND ARMS SO YES WELL CLAD.

THE PAINT TIN IT WAS HEAVY IN FACT IT WEIGHED A TON.

GOOD GRIEF I THOUGHT MY ARM WILL DROP OFF BY THE TIME IV'E DONE.

I COULDN'T FIND A PAINT TRAY SO I GOT AN OLD MEAT TIN.

TIPPED SOME OF THE PAINT OUT WHILE HALF OF IT RAN IN.

STEADILY I CLIMED TO THE TOP I DID MY VERY BEST.

THEN USED THE TOP STEP FOR MY MEAT TIN THERE FOR IT TO REST.

STARTED SPLASHING UP AND DOWN  ROUND THE ROLLER FLEW.

I WAS DOING IT LIKE LIGHTENING THEN THE END DROPPED OFF I KNEW!!!

FLIPPING HECK I SHOUTED WHERES MY ROLLER GONE.

IT HAD SPLATTERED TO THE FLOOR AND I WAS TIGHTLY HANGING ON.

THERE IN MID AIR FOR MY LIFE AT THE VERY TOP.

STEP BY STEP I CAME BACK DOWN I DARN'T LOOK DOWN OR STOP.

I BANGED MY ELBOW ON THE DOOR KNOB WHAT A SHOCK I GOT.

SHOUTED IV'E HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!  THE DECOR IT CAN ROT.

I THREW THE HANDLE OF THE ROLLER RIGHT OUT OF MY HAND.

THAT HIT THE RADIATOR WITH A MIGHTY BANG.

WONDERING IF I'D DAMAGED IT I STEPPED OUT TO MY RIGHT.

KNOCKED THE LADDERS THE MEAT TIN TIPPED OH! WHAT A FLIPPING SIGHT.

I WAS COVERED IN WHITE EMULSION FROM MY HEAD DOWN TO MY TOE.

THE DOORBELL RANG AND I THOUGHT ARHHHHH!! WHO'S THIS I DON'T KNOW.

THEN IT  BUZZED AGAIN  WONDERING WHO CAN THIS BE THEN.

STEPPED TO ONE SIDE FORGETTING MYSELF AND STOOD IN THE TIN  AG-EN.

MY NEIGHBOUR SHOUTS ARE YOU OK KATH I SHOUTS YES I'M FINE.

BUT I CANNOT OPEN THE DOOR MAGGIE IT'S DECORATING TIME.

OH! SHE SAID I HEARD THE BANG AND WONDERED WHAT IT WAS.

I DIDN'T TELL HER WHAT I'D DONE QUITE SIMPLY BECAUSE.

I KNEW SHE WOULD PLAY POP WITH ME AND SAY YOU ARE TOO OLD.

TO BE CLIMBING UP THEM  LADDERS AS THIS SH'ED ALREADY TOLD.

I CALLED OUT SORRY MAGGIE I CANNOT OPEN THE DOOR.

IV'E GOT SOME SHEETS DOWN FOR PAINTING SPREAD AROUND THE FLOOR.

SHE REPLIED OH! THATS OK! KATH AS LONG AS YOUR ALRIGHT.

UNDER MY BREATH I WISPERED OH! YES I'M COVERED IN WHITE.

FLIPPING THICK EMULSION WITH A LUMP UPON MY HEAD.

MY BIG TOE I HAD KNOCKED UP AND WISHED I'D CALLED ON FRED.

TO PAINT AND PAPER MY SMALL HALL BEFORE I TRIED ALONE.

THEN A MEMORY CAME FLOATING BACK TO ME WHEN A GIRL AT HOME.

THIS MESS THAT IWAS IN WAS FROM THE PAINT OUT OF A TIN.

BUT MY MEMORY WAS OF PASTE  AND MY THOUGHT' S WENT STRAIGHT TO HIM.

ABOUT A SONG MY FATHER USED TO SING WHEN I WAS YOUNG.

SO I THOUGHT I'D WRITE IT HERE FOR YOU I HOPE YOU FIND IT FUN.

WHEN FATHER PAPERED THE PARLOUR
by
R. P. Weston
Performed by Billy Williams

Our parlour wanted papering,
And Pa says it was waste
To call a paperhanger in,
And so he made some paste.
He bought some rolls of paper,
Got a ladder and a brush
And with my mummy's nightgown on,
At it he made a rush.

Chorus:
When Father papered the parlour
You couldn't see him for paste
Dabbing it here! dabbing it there!
Paste and paper everywhere
Mother was stuck to the ceiling
The children stuck to the floor
I never knew a blooming family
So 'stuck up' before.


The pattern was 'blue roses'
with its leaves red, white, and brown;
He'd stuck it wrong way up and now,
we all walk upside down.
And when he trimm'd the edging
off the paper with the shears,
The cat got underneath it,
and dad cut off both its ears.



Soon dad fell down the stairs
and dropp'd his paperhanger's can
On little Henrietta sitting there
with her young man,
The paste stuck them together,
as we thought t'would be for life,
We had to fetch the parson in
to make them man and wife.



We're never going to move away
from that house any more
For Father's gone and stuck the chairs
and table to the floor,
We can't find our piano,
thoughit's broad and rather tall,
We think that it's behind the paper
Pa stuck on the wall.


Now, Father's sticking in the pub,
through treading in the paste,
And all the family's so upset,
they've all gone pasty faced.
While Pa says, now that Ma has spread
the news from north to south,
He wishes he had dropped a blob
of paste in Mother's mouth. (Haaaaaaaa)

SO NOW YOU KNOW WHY IV'E CALLED OFF MY DECOR SATURDAY.

AS LIKE FATHER SANG I COULD SEE MYSELF ENDING UP JUST THE SAME WAY.

IV'E NOW JUST RANG UP FRED HE'S CALLING ROUND TOMORROW TEA.

SO I'M SCRUBBING NOW IN THE BATH TUB ALL THE PAINT OFF ME.

WHEN FREDS ALL DONE AND DUSTED AND  MAGGY CALLS ON ME .

I HOPE I HAVN'T BEEN PAPERED OVER LIKE PA DID 

 HE -HE-HE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

" I HAD TEARDROPS IN MY EYES"

WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING I HAD TEARDROPS IN MY EYES.

MY PILLOW WAS ALL DAMP AND WET AND THEN I REALISED WHY.

I REMEBERED DREAMING VIVIDLY AND THE PICTURES WERE SO REAL.

WHEN I THOUGHT THE DREAM BACK OVER SO HAPPY IT MADE ME FEEL.

IT WAS WONDERFUL I WAS EXCITED I WAS ALMOST ON CLOUD NINE.

SAT IN THE LOUNGE OF A HOUSE WHICH I HAD AND THE CHILDREN WERE SMALL AT THAT TIME.

GATHERED ALL AROUND ME CUDDLED UP CLOSE  THREE BOYS.

 MY DAUGHTER SAT UPON MY KNEE NOT A SOUND AT ALL NO NOISE.

WE WERE WATCHING LOTS OF TV PROGRAMS ALL FROM VINTAGE YEARS.

I MUST HAVE SO ENJOYED THEM WHEN THE DREAM FINISHED I HAD TEARS.

THIS IS WHAT MUST HAVE WOKE ME AND IT'S TRUTHFUL IF I MAY SAY.

WHEN I WOKE UP I WAS WISHING IT HAD ALL BEEN REAL TODAY.

CUDDLED UP AMONGST THEM ALL I WAS FEELING OH! SO GOOD.

AS A MOTHER WITH HER CHILDREN  SMALL AROUND HER REALY SHOULD.

WHEN THEY WERE SMALL THEY  ALL BROUGHT  SO MUCH HAPPINESS TO ME.

AS IV'E MENTION PREVIOUS CUDDLED AROUND ME ALL SAT ON MY KNEE.

WELL THE PROGRAMS WE WERE WATCHING I SO MUCH DID ENJOY.

SOME FROM BEFORE THE KIDS WERE BORN AND FAVOURITES OF MY BOYS.

MY DAUGHTER LOVED ANDY PANDY SHE WOULD SIT THERE NOT A SOUND .

MY MIDDLE SON  LOVED SOOTY WHEN HARRY CORBETT  WAS AROUND.

MY ELDEST BOY LOVED THE WOODENTOPS ALSO WEED AND BILL AND BEN.

AND THE YOUNGEST HE LOVED TRUMTON WAY AGO BACK THEN.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIREMEN MUM HE WOULD SAY TO ME.

AND I WOULD SHOUT OUT ALL THERE NAMES THEY WOULD GIGGLE AND ALL LAUGH AT ME.

PUGH PUGH BARNEY McGREW CUTHBERT DIBBLE GRUB.

AS I DID THIS I WOULD TAP THERE HEADS AND GIVE THERE HAIR A RUB.

ALL OF THEM WOULD LAUGH WITH JOY WE ALWAYS HAD SUCH FUN.

THE NEXT MINUTE WE WERE WATCHING OLD ADVERTS HERE ARE SOME.

P.G.TIPS WITH THE MONKEYS AT THE TABLE MAKING TEA.

THEN A LINE OF SOLDIERS MARCHING SINGING OUT TO ME.

A TUNE I CLEARLY REMEMBER AND I BET ALL OF YOU DO TOO.

THIS IS WHAT IT WENT LIKE WHY DON'T YOU SING IT THROUGH.

MURRY MINTS  MURRY MINTS  THE TOO GOOD TO HURRY MINTS.

EVERY SO MANY MINUTES ALL THE KIDS PROGRAMS WOULD STOP.

AND THESE OLD ADVERTS WOULD COME ON AGAIN I REMEMBERED QUITE A LOT.

ONE WITH A LITTLE BOY ON A BIKE CYCLING AWAY HE WOULD GO.

OFF TO FETCH HIS GRANDMA AND GRANDAD A HOVIS  THEY LOVED IT SO.

THEN THERE WAS ONE THAT POPPED UP AND MY DAD WAS STOOD WATCHING THERE.

FOR RAEL BROOK TOPLIN THE SHIRT YOU DON'T IRON MY DREAM WAS LIKE LIFE I SWEAR.

MOTHER WAS VISITING ON THAT DAY IN THE KITCHEN SHE HAD MADE BUNS.

AND THE KIDS WERE ALL RUNNING UP TO HER WATCHING TILL SHE GAVE THEM SOME.

AFTER THEY'D EATEN ALL THERE BUNS  ON CAME LARRY THE LAMB.

PRETTY OLD ARE SOME OF THESE BUT I WAS TOO A FAN.

ONE FOLLOWED I DO NOT REMEMBER BUT FATHER SAID HE USED TO DROOL

WITH ME AND MY SISTERS ON HIS KNEE HE CALLED IT MUFFIN THE MULE.

THIS WAS ONE OF THE FIRST ONES A PUPPET WHICH WORKED WITH STRINGS.

HE SAID MY WORD THIS LITTLE FELLOW  MEMORIES TO ME IT BRINGS.

WE SAT THERE FOR HOURS WATCHING  NOT A MURMOUR OR A WAIL.

THEN MY DAUGHTER GOT REALY EXCITED AND SHOUTED OH! MUM IT'S RAG TAG  BOBTAIL.

I HAD NO IDEA WHY ALL THESE WERE ON IN ONE SHOW IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

BUT ALL THESE PROGRAMS WERE PLAIN AS DAY IN THIS ONE LONG DREAM.

ALL I CAN SAY IT WAS WONDERFUL AND A GREAT DREAM OF  MEMORY.

THAT I WILL REMEMBER FOR SUCH A LONG TIME  GOING  BACK TO THIS TIME DO YOU SEE.

PINKY AND PERKY THEN FOLLOWED ON YES THE TWO LITTLE PIGS.

MY DAUGHTER WAS DANCING AROUND THE ROOM DOING TIPPY TOPPY TAILS AND JIGS.

THEN FINALLY CAME THE WOMBLES SONG IT WAS A DELIGHTFUL SOUND.

ME AND THE CHILDREN ALL SINGING TOGETHER WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDAD AROUND.

YES WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING "I HAD TEARDROPS IN MY EYES"

AND I THINK THEY MUST HAVE BEEN TEARS OF JOY THAT TOOK ME BY SUPRIZE.

IN THIS WONDERFUL DREAM OF YESTERYEAR WHEN ALL MY CHILDREN WERE SMALL.

AND IF I COULD HAVE GONE BACK TO DREAMING I WOULDN'T HAVE MINDED AT ALL.

IT WAS SUCH A FANTASTIC FEELING BEING BACK THERE IN THOSE GOOD OLD DAYS.

WITH ALL THE CHILDREN WATCHING TV WITH ME IN SO MANY WAYS.

I HOPE MY DREAM JOGGED YOUR MEMORIES AND YOU

TOO REMEMBERED THEM ALL.

MAYBE YOU CAN DREAM NOW AND THINK BACK TO WHEN YOUR KIDS WERE SMALL.

THOUGH MY PILLOW WAS WET WITH TEARS IN MY EYES FROM THE DREAM GOING BACK TO THAT TIME.

I'D LOVE TO REPEAT IT ALL AGAIN WHAT I'VE WROTE   IN " MY SIMPLE RHYME " .

                 

 

      

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE"

"THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A NIGHMARE"

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE LIVING IN MY FLAT.

THERES BEEN A LOT OF COMMOTION HAPPENING ROUND THE BACK.

A GUY LAST YEAR BOUGHT A PROPERTY AND FROM THE ENVIROMENT dept WE  GOT.

A LETTER OF OBJECTION ON HIS PLANS ABOUT THIS PLOT.

WE ALL DECIDED NO WE WER'NT BOTHERED OR NOT AROUSED.

IF HE CONVERTED IT TO FLATS OR A 6 BEDROOMED HOUSE.

WELL MONDAY MORNING I WAS SAT  QUIET WHEN I HEARD THIS ALMIGHTY BANG.

IT FRIGHTENED THE FLIPPING LIFE OUT OF ME THIS DIRTY GREAT BIG CLANG.

I LOOKED OUT OF THE WINDOW THE SCAFFOLDERS WERE HERE.

IF THIS WAS THE START OF THE PROJECT THEN ROLL ON THE END I FEARED.

BOOM BANG CLATTER CRASH I HEARD ALL MORNING IT WENT ON.

THE RAIN WAS LASHING DOWN SO HARD I COULDN'T EVEN WALK THE PROM.

I'M ALWAYS IN MY KITCHEN SO WHY CHANGE MY OWN ROUTINE.

JUST BEcAUSE THE RIGGERS CAME AND FOR WHAT I HAD SEEN.

SO I CARRIED ON REGARDLESS THEN BOOM ANOTHER CLASH.

RUNNING TO MY WINDOW I MADE A SPEEDY DASH.

THERE WAS A YOUNG GUY STOOD UPON THIS great big HAULAGE TRUCK.

SLINGING THESE METAL POLES FROM IT AND WITH A CRASH ON THE FLOOR THEY STRUCK.

BOOM CLATTER CLASH THEY FELL TO THE FLOOR I WAS JUST ABOUT  SICK TO DEATH.

THIS WENT ON FOREVER AND SOME OF THEM TOOK MY BREATH.

THEY CAME OUT OF THE BLUE WHEN I WAS BUSY AT MY WORK.

AND WHEN I HEARD THE CRASHING NOISE IT MADE ME JUMP AND JERK.

SO I YELLED OUT OF THE WINDOW IS THERE ANY NEED FOR THAT.

WE ARE ALL AGED PENSIONERS LIVING HERE IN THESE PRIVATE FLATS.

HE TURNED AND LOOKED AROUND AT ME THIS STUPID LOOKING CHAP.

WELL IV'E HEARD IT ALL NOW MRS WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP.

I SAID I BEG YOUR PARDON BUT THEM BANGS ARE FRIGHTENING ME.

MY NEIGHBOUR CANNOT STAND IT SHE'S GOT ANGINA DON'T YOU SEE.

FOUR  MORE BLOKES WERE RIGGING BY NOW ON THE  VERY TOP  FLOOR.

STARTED LAUGHING AND SNIGGERING I WISHED I'D HAD A BACK DOOR.

WHAT ARE YOU TWO LAUGHING AT I YELLED ONE DAY YOU'LL KNOW.

WHEN YOU'LL BE A FLIPPING PENSIONER YOU IGNORANT SO AND SO'S.

WITH THIS I CLOSED MY WINDOW AND WENT INTO THE FRONT ROOM.

AS I SAT DOWN I'M NOT KIDDING YOU THERE WAS THIS TERRIFIC  BOOOOOM!!!!

MY BODY SHOOK FROM HEAD TO TOE I THOUGHT AN EXPLOSION OF GAS.

AS I LOOKED AGAIN ONE OF THE MEN WAS SMASHING ALL THE GLASS.

WITH A VERY BIG LARGE HAMMER KNOCKING NAILS FROM  THE WINDOWS IN THIS BLOCK.

THEN ALL THE WINDOW FRAMES THEMSELVES DOWN TO THE FLOOR HE KNOCKED.

OH! GOD I CANNOT STAND THIS NOISE MY HEAD WAS GOING MAD.

I WAS SHAKING LIKE A LEAF AND IN PAIN I FELT REALY BAD.

NEXT MINUTE CAME THIS DRILLING SOUND SO LOUD IT BLOCKED MY EARS.

THIS WAS ONLY THE VERY FIRST DAY  I WAS ALMOST SHEDDING TEARS.

BOOM BANG SMASH DRILL DRILL DRILL IT NEVER SEEMED TO CEASE.

GOOD GRIEF I THOUGHT THREE MONTHS OF THIS I'LL NEVER HAVE NO PEACE.

SO I FOUND IN A BOX SOME EAR PLUGS AND I CAREFULLY PUT THEM IN.

TIED AROUND MY HEAD A SCARF AND FASTENED IT UNDER MY CHIN.

LEANED OUT OF THE WINDOW TO SEE IF THIS DID BLUFF.

THE SOUND OF ALL THESE NOISES OF BANGS AND CLANGS AND STUFF.

ONE OF THE GUYS HE SPOTTED ME AND SHOUTS OUT TO HIS MATE.

HA HA ! GYPSIE ROSA LEE HAS PUT HER SCARF ON TO TELL OUR FATE.

WELL I THOUGHT THE VERY CHEEK OF IT THIS GENERATION TODAY.

THEY DON'T FLIPPING GIVE A HOOT AT ALL NOT EVEN IF YOUR GREY.

I CALLED OUT DON'T BE RUDE YOUNG MAN I'M COMING TO SEE YOUR BOSS.

HE YELLED BACK COME AND SEE WHO YA LIKE "I DON'T GIVE A TOSS"

WOUND UP WASN'T THE WORD RIGHT NOW I COULD HAVE STRANGLED HIM.

AND BOTH HIS MATES STOOD LAUGHING AT ME WITH MY SCARF TIED UNDER MY CHIN.

WELL I GIVE A TOSS!!! I SHOUTED BACK AND I KNOW YOU'VE A JOB TO DO.

BY THIS TIME THEY HAD A RADIO ON AND THIS WAS BLASTING OUT TOO.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH THE DRILLING I SAID AND THE BANGS AND CLANGS ARE ENOUGH.

WITHOUT HAVING TO LISTEN TO ALL THAT RAP AND ALL THAT CRAZY STUFF.

HE SHOUTS WHAT ABOUT SINATRA THEN WOULD YOU LIKE A BIT OF THAT.

HISMATES AGAIN START LAUGHING FROM UPSTAIRS AT THE VERY TOP FLAT.

I'M COMING ROUND THERE TOMORROW I SHOUTS I'LL GIVE YOU YOUNG LOT WHAT FOR.

WITH THIS HE LOOKED ME IN THE EYE AND DROPPED ANOTHER POLE TO THE FLOOR.

C-R-A-S-H  I FELT THE EARTH SHAKE FROM UNDERNEATH MY FEET.

IF I'D BEEN A PREGNANT WOMAN THEY'D HAVE HAD A NEW BORN TO GREET.

MY EAR PLUGS WERE NOT WORKING GYPSY LEE WAS GETTING MAD.

BY THIS TIME IT WAS 12'O'CLOCK AND FOUR HOURS OF THIS  I'D HAD.

OF THIS BANGING BOOMING CLANGING LOUD MUSIC IN THE AIR.

AND THESE SIX  GUYS JUST DIDIN'T GIVE A HOOT THEY SIMPLY DIDN'T CARE.

SO I DECIDED BEST FOR ME WAS TO GO AND GET IN BED.

PULL THE DUVET OVER ME AND REST MY BANGING HEAD.

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A NIGHTMARE IT'S HAPPENED EVERY DAY.

WITH HOWLING WINDS AND RAIN AROUND I COULDN'T GET OUT ANYWAY.

SO IV'E DECIDED NEXT WEEK I'M MOVING INTO THE SPARE ROOM.

WITH MY COMPUTER AND PAPER AND PEN FROM ALL THATBOOM BOOM BOOM.

IF BY CHANCE YOU ALL DON'T GET A COMMENT BY THIS TIME.

YOU'LL KNOW IV'E THROWN MYSELF OFF THE SCAFFOLD SO I WON'T BE WRITING RHYME.

COS I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE ANY MORE OF THE BOOM BANG CLASH AND RAP.

AND NOT TO MENTION THE CURSEING THEY DO AND ALL THE OTHER CRAP.

SO THATS BEEN MY WEEK MY J/LAND FRIENDS I HAVN'T HAD MANY LAUGHS.

AND YOU ALL KNOW ME BY NOW THATS NOT THE USUAL KATH.

THEN AGAIN I THOUGHT I MIGHT DO A WOlFY AND HAVE ANOTHER TRY.

      (WOLFY IS THE WORLD DARTS CHAMPION) HA!

AND SCAORE A HUNDRED AND EIGHTY THROWING SATSUMAS AGAIN IN THERE EYES.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY SATSUMAS WELL JUST LET ME SAY.

I AIMED ONE AT A BAD COUPLE ONE DAY AND THEY JUST RAN AWAY.

SO IT'S CALLED MY AMMUNITION MY BOWL OF SATSUMAS YOU SEE.

AND THERE VERY FIPPING HANDY IF ANYONE CROSSES ME.

WELL LET ME TELL YOU THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW I DON'T THINK THEY'LL MAKE MUCH MORE NOISE.

NEXT WEEK AS I BEAT THEM ALL OFF TODAY AND WHEN FINISHED NOT A SINGLE VOICE.

WHEN MY NEIGHBOUR POPPED IN THIS MORNING SHE TOLD ME THEY'D LEFT ME A NOTE.

SO I QUICKLY TOOK IT FROM HER WENT UPSTAIRS SO HERE PLEASE NOTE :-

                       THIS IS WHAT IT READ.

TO ALL THE GUYS WHO WORK FOR US PLEASE READ THIS WARNING NOW.

WEV'E PINNED THIS IN THE TRUCK TODAY TO TRY AND TELL YOU HOW.

ME AND MY MATES ON THE JOB AT 49 ARE TERRIFIED OF HER.

SO NEXT WEEK PLEASE WORK QUIET AND DON'T TRY AND CONQUER HER.

SHE HANGS TIGHT FROM HER WINDOW LIKE A BAT INSIDE A BARN.

WITH A BOWL OF ORANGE AMMUNITION SHE HAS TUCKED UNDER HER LEFT ARM.

ONE CAME FLYING OVER IT HIT JOHNNY SO HARD HE WENT QUEER.

I WENT QUICKLY TO HIS AID WHILE SHE FIRED MORE AND CHEERED.

ONE HIT POOR OLD RAULPH IN THE GOOLIES ON HIS KNEES HE COLLAPSED RIGHT THERE.

WHEN FRED SHOUTED  RIGHT COME ON GYPSY LEE TRY ME GIRL IF YA DARE.

ANOTHER OF THE ORANGE  BULLETS KNOCKED HIM DOWN AND ONLY LEFT US THREE

WE WERE STOOD THERE SHAKING IN OUR SKINS PETER PAUL AND ME.

ASKING THE LORD TO SAVE US AND FORGIVE US FOR OUR SINS.

THEN SHE LET RIP WITH HALF A DOZEN OF THEM THEY  HIT PAUL HE FELL INTO THE BINS

WHEN PETER LOOKED HE WAS ON THE FLOOR AND HIS FACE IT HAD TURNED ALL BLUE.

RIGHT SHE SHOUTED DON'T CROSS ME COME ON YOU OTHER TWO.

THIS BLONDE YOUNG PENSIONER WAS SHOUTING OUT AND SHE'S AIMING ONE AT ME.

I DUCKED AND IT HIT POOR PETER RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES.

I WAS STANDING THERE ALL BY MYSELF SO I WIZZED AWAY  LIKE A FLY.

SO WHEN YOU COME ON THIS JOB NEXT WEEK  A SILENCER PUT ON YOUR TOOLS.

COS GYPSY LEE WILL HAVE YOU ALL AND SHE'S NO FLIPPING FOOL.

WE HAVE PINNED THIS NOTE ON OUR TRUCK TODAY FOR ALL OF YOU TO SEE.

THE RULES OF THE JOB AT SYCAMORE DRIVE ARE BE QUIET FROM NINE TILL THREE.

OR GYPSY LEE WILL BE HANGING OUT THERE FROM HER WINDOW SO FULL OF SCORN.

AND SHE'LL HAVE YOUR GUTS FOR GARTERS YOU'LL REGRET THE DAY YOU WERE BORN.

WATCH OUT FOR HER SHE'S A REAL ONE HAS A SCARF TIED UNDER HER CHIN.

AND SHE'S GOT PLENTY AMMUNITION PROBABLY A FULL WHEELY BIN.

 WE'LL NEVER  FORGET SHE KNOCKED SIX OF US DOWN ONE RAINY DAY AT DAWN.

WHEN SHE WALKED AWAY FROM HER WINDOW WE WERE all TATTERED AND TORN.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

SO I'M HOPING NOW BY NEXT WEEK IT'S QUIET AND I'll be FEELING FINE.

YES KATH WILL BE BACK AND HAVING ANOTHER  LAUGH HERE IN MY SIMPLE RHYME.

HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"IT'S BEEN FUN"

  

                            "IT'S BEEN FUN"

I'VE TOLD YOU IN PREVIOUS RHYMES BEFORE LOTS OF STORIES I CAN TELL.

YES IV'E EVEN SAID I COULD WRITE A BOOK ON ALL OF THEM AS WELL.

SO HERE'S ANOTHER ADVENTURE I HAD ONE SUMMERS DAY.

I'M HOPING I DON'T BORE YOU WHEN YOU CALL MY JOURNAL WAY.

ONE DAY I AWOKE AND DECIDED TO TAKE THE KIDS OUT ON A TRIP.

THE STORY IS A LONG ONE SO SOME OF IT I'LL SKIP.

I ASKED MY PARTNER TO TAKE THE KIDS OFF AND MY SISTERS  2.

THIS MEANT 6 ALL TOGETHER BUT I LOVE KIDS I THINK IV'E TOLD YOU.

MY THREE BOYS AND 1 DAUGHTER HER TWO BOYS WERE PLUS.

BUT WE 'D JUST BOUGHT AN OLD CORTINA SO IT WAS EASIER THAN THE BUS.

I PACKED UP LOTS OF SARNIES AND A CHANGE OF CLOTHES I PACKED TOO.

MY PARTNERS FACE DROPPED TO A FROWN AT ALL THE BAGS IT'S TRUE.

TOWELS FACECLOTH YOU NAME IT WHEN I'D HAD A LONG THINK.

I'D PACKED ALMOST EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE KITCHEN SINK

HOW LONG ARE WE GOING FOR HE ASKED AS HE FILLED THE BOOT.

A DAY  OH!  SHUT UP  MOANING MAN IT'S GOING TO BE A HOOT!!!!

WE HAD'NT HAD THE CAR THAT  LONG A BIG BLUE CORTINA ESTATE.

SO TO GO ON A TRIP WITH ALL THE SIX KIDS I SIMPLY COULDN'T WAIT. (HA)

ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY WE WOULD ALL BE AT THE COAST.

ALL EIGHT OF US WELL LETS SAY IT WOULD BE TWO HOURS AT THE MOST

THEYWERE VERY HARD TIMES IN THEM DAYS TO HAVE A CAR WAS A JOY.

MY PARTNER HE WAS DELIGHTED  LIKE A KID WITH A BRAND NEW TOY.

WELL WAY BACK THEN AS YOU ALL WELL KNOW NO RULES OF ANY SEAT BELTS.

AND A LOT LESS REGULATIONS SO IT REALY WAS A HELP.

WE BUNDLED IN ALL TOGETHER LIKE SARDINES IN A CAN.

I WAS IN MY GLORY WITH ALL THE SIX KIDS AND  MY YOUNG MAN. (HA).

HALF WAY THERE WE STOPPED AT A PARK FOR A REST AND A BIT OF FUN.

TO STRETCH OUR LEGS AND A BITE TO EAT AND GET A BIT OF SUN.

I'D PACKED POP SWEETS AND ALSORTS AND A THOUSAND CRISPS AND BUNS.

LETS FACE IT KIDS EAT FOREVER AND OFTEN THEY'VE NEVER DONE.

MY SISTERS BOYS ALONE COULD EAT A POTATO MORE THAN A PIG.

AND MY MIDDLE SON COULD EASILY WORRY TEN PACKETS OF BISCUITS WITH FIG. (HA)

WE FINALLY ARRIVED AT THE SEASIDE AND DECIDED TO GO FOR SOME LUNCH.

THE KIDS WERE REALY EXCITED AND THEY LOOKED ONE BIG HAPPY BUNCH.

THE FIRST LAUGH CAME IN THE CAFE WHEN A LADY CAME OVER TO ME.

SHE SMILED  SAID oH! ARN'T THEY ALL LIKE THERE DAD HE JUST LAUGHED AND I AGREED

YOU SEE ONLY ONE OF THEM WAS HIS THE OTHER THREE WERE MINE.

FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE AND MY SISTERS TWO SO TO EXPLAIN I DIDN'T HAVE TIME.

THERE  CHOISE WAS CHIPS EGG BACON AND BEANS WHICH YOU KNOW THAT ALL KIDS LOVE.

WHEN I ORDERED THEM SIX TIMES AND OUR  MEALS THE MAN SAID HEAVENS ABOVE

HOW DO YOU COPE WITH THAT LOT HIS WORDS WERE TO ME IN FRIGHT.

THEY LOOK A BIT OF A HANDFULL AND A PRETTY EXUBERANT SIGHT.

I SAID IT'S EASY MR YOU FORGET AT ODD TIMES THEY ARE HERE.

AND IF THEY GET TOO MUCH OUT OF HAND THEY GET A CLIP ROUND THE EAR.(HA).

WELL ALL EATEN UP AND NOT A SCRAP LEFT I WENT TO PAY THE bill.

WITH THE KIDS ALL AT THE SIDE OF ME WAITING NEAR THE TILL.

THE OWNER SAID I'M SUPRIZED THE'VE ALL SAT STILL AND EATEN  THERE LUNCH.

WHY! I  REPLIED WHATS WRONG WITH US WE'RE NOT A HILLBILLY BUNCH.

WE MIGHT NOT BE RICH BUT MY KIDS ARE WELL MANNERED I CAN TAKE THEM NEAR OR FAR.

OTHERWISE THEY WOULDN'T GO ANYWHERE AND I  LOOKED AND SAID TA-RA.

THEY ALWAYS DO!!!  BEHAVE THEMSELVES WHATEVER DID YOU THINK.

AS I WALKED AWAY HE FROZE ON THE SPOT AND NEVER EVEN BLINKED (HA).

SLOT MACHINES  RIDES AND DONKEYS  ALL OF THEM THEY WENT ON.

THE TIME ROLLED BY SO QUICKLY SOON THE DAY WAS GONE.

ONE LAST PADDLE BEFORE IT CAME DARK AND ALL TO THE TOILET I SENT.

THEN I SAiD TO MY PARTNER OH! LETS STAY COME ON WE'LL GO HIRE A TENT. (HA).

ALL OF A SUDDEN THE SIX LET LOOSE OH! YES ! HIP HIP HOORAY.

"OH! CAN WE MUM MINE SHOUTED" IT'S BETTER THAN JUST A DAY.

BY THIS TIME IT WAS TURNED SIX' O 'CLOCK AND SO WE STARTED WALKING.

BACK TO THE CAR TO FIND A CAMP SITE ALL OF US CHATTING AND TALKING.

I STOPPED AT A PHONE BOX AND RANG MY SIS SHE SAID OH! I HOPE THEY ARE GOOD.

BECAUSE WHEN I TRY MAKING THE BOYS BEHAVE IT'S LIKE TALKING TO LUMPS OF WOOD..

I REPIED OH! I WILL MANAGE WE ARE JUST GOING FOR A TENT.

I'LL HAVE TO GO NOW SISTER AS THATS THE LAST COIN I HAVE SPENT.

SHE SAID GOODBYE AND WISHED ME LUCK SAID KATH YOU ARE A GEM.

IF YOU CAN MANAGE A NIGHT IN A TENT WITH YOUR PARTNER AND SIX OF THEM.

I CALLED IN THE OFFICE AND ASKED FOR A TENT TO HIRE WHICH WOULD SLEEP EIGHT.

THE GUY SAID JUST ONE MINUTE MADAM I'LL BE BACK IN A TICK CAN YOU WAIT.

ON RETURNING HE SHRUGGED HIS SHOULDERS SAID SORRY FOR EIGHT NO MORE.

IT'S A VERY BUSY WEEK/END THIS WEEK WE ONLY HAVE ONE FOR FOUR.

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT I'LL TAKE IT" IT'S ME WHO WILL  HAVE TO MAKE DO.

WITH THIS HE TOOK MY MONEY AND SAID OVER THE  FAR END PLOT 2 .

MY PARNER TURNED TO ME AND  SAID HOW CAN WE MANAGE IN THAT.

WHEN THATS RIGGED UP YOU'LL BE LUCKY IF IT FITS OUR NEXT DOORS CAT. (HA).

THE KIDS ALL STARTED LAUGHING DANCING AND DOING A JIG.

"IT'S BIG ENOUGH MUM ISN'T IT" COME ON LETS GET IT RIGGED.

BEDTIME CAME ROUND SO QUICKLY WE SHOWERED AND PILED INTO THIS TENT.

IT WAS LIKE A STAMPEDE OF CATTLE I THOUGHT MY DAY WAS SPENT.

THE KIDS WERE ROLLING ABOUT ON THE FLOOR GIGGLING AND LAUGHING OUT LOUD.

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE TENT COLLAPSED AND COVERED US ALL LIKE A  SHROUD . (HA).

GOOD GRIEF I SHOUTED HELP ME!!! SOMETHINGS JUST STRUCK MY HEAD.

THEN A TINY VOICE IT ECHOED OUT WAKE UP MUM I HOPE YOUR  YOUR NOT DEAD.(HA)

MY PARTNER BY THIS TIME WAS LIVIDON HIS FACE WAS A GREAT BIG FROWN.

HE WAS STRUGGLING WITH POLES AND ME NOW AND SIX KIDS SPRAWLED OUT ON THE GROUND.

WELL HE MANAGED TO GET IT BACK UP SAFE SAID I'M GOING TO SLEEP IN THE CAR.

I'LL PUT JOANNA MY DAUGHTER (THAT IS) ON THE BACK SEAT WE ARN'T VERY FAR.

OK! THEN WELL MAYBE THE SIX OF US NOW WILL BE ABLE TO GET SOME SLEEP.

STILL LAUGHING THERE HEADS OFF I HAD A FEELING I WOULDN'T EVEN GET A PEEP.

THEN TO TOP IT ALL I HEARD THIS LOUD NOISE AND I SAID OH! WHAT WAS THAT.

MY ELDEST NEPHEW SAID SORRY AUNTIE KATH WE HAVE ALL BROKE  WIND IN  B FLAT. (HA).

THE BEANS THEY HAD FOR DINNER SIX LOTS THEY HAD ALL CONSUMED.

HAD STARTED TO DO THERE WORK ON THEM SO THE AIR HAD A TERIBLE PERFUME.

I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT THE KIDS THOUGHT IT FUNNY AND I WAS GASPING FOR BREATH.

WAFFING MY HANDS IN THE AIR ALL AROUND

 

THEN SOME SHOUTING SCARED ME TO DEATH.

I KNELT UP UNZIPPED THE TENT A LITTLE AND THERE OUTSIDE I DID SPY.

A CROWD OF PEOPLE GATHERED AROUND RAISING THERE VOICES HIGH.

A GUY WAS TELLING THEM ALL OUTSIDE THAT HE HAD JUST RANG THE POLICE.

I THOUGHT OH MY GOD!! I HOPE NOT FOR US LOT I WAS PRAYING ON MY KNEES.

THEN OUT OF KNOWHERE THIS WOMAN APPEARS NOT A STITCH ON FROM HEAD TO TOE.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE SHE'D COME FROM BUT IT WAS A REAL SHOCK YOU KNOW.

IV'E SEEN MANY THINGS IN MY LIFETIME BUT THIS IT DID BEAT THEM ALL.

THIS WOMAN STOOD THERE IN THE NUDDY HOLDING A BIG RUGBY BALL.

THE NOISE IT WOKE MY PARTNER UP AND HE PUT HIS FULL BEAM ON.

THE CROWD THEY ALL GASPED HEAVILY AS ON THIS WOMAN IT  SHONE.

THERE WERE MEN AND WOMEN EVERYWHERE STOOD THERE IN NIGHT CLOTHES AND BRIEFS.

WHEN I SAW THE POLICE CAR PULL UP ALONGSIDE I FELT A GREAT RELIEF.

NO IT WASN'T FOR US LOT THE GIGGLES AND ALL OF THEM  LAUGHS.

THE OLDEST NEPHEW INQUISITIVE SAID  WHATS THE MATTER AUNTIE KATH.

OH! IT'S NOTHING JUST MAKE A LESS NOISE  NOW AND YOU LOT PLEASE SETTLE DOWN.

THE POLICE ARE HERE AND IF YOUR NOT QUIET THEY'LL TAKE YOU INTO TOWN.

LOCK YOU UP IN THERE JAIL AS WELL DON'T YOU SEE  THATS JUST  WHAT THEY'LL DO.

WITH THAT NOT ANOTHER GIGGLE OR LAUGH NOT A SOUND WAS HEARD ALL NIGHT THROUGH.

I BOBBED OUTSIDE AND THE CROWN TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC.

SHE'D DONE IT BEFORE ALWAYS WANDERING ROUND TO PLAY BALL OR MAYBE A FROLICK.

FROM THE NUDIST BEACH RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO US ANOTHER CAMPING GROUND.

WITH THAT WE ALL RETURNED TO OUR TENTS AND NOT ANOTHER SOUND.

ONCE AGAIN I HAD TO LAUGH THOUGH  I WAS HOPING  THEY HAD LOCKED HER UP.

I'D SAID TO THE CROWD THEN I WENT BACK IN AND ZIPPED THE TENT TIGHT SHUT.

SHE WAS DRIVEN AWAY BY THE POLICE SO I SETTLED DOWN TO SLEEP.

COUNTING MY BLESSINGS IT WERN'T FOR US AND ALSO COUNTING SHEEP.

A LEG FROM ONE CAME AROUND MY NECK AND A KNEE STUCK IN MY TUM.

FROM UNDERNEATH THE GROUND SHEET BIG LUMPS OF EARTH UP MY BUM.

WHAT A FLIPPING FIASCO THIS CAMPING NIGHT HAD BEEN.

I STILL COULDN'T QUITE BELIEVE IT AT ALL WHAT MY EYES HAD JUST SEEN.

ROLL ON BLUMMING MORNING PLEASE I THOUGHT LET US ALL  GET HOME.

I WAS ACHEING FROM HEAD TO TOE ALL OVER ANDTO MYSELF  DIDMOAN.

THEN ON SECOND THOUGHTS I PONDERED AND THOUGHT NO ITS ALL BEEN FUN.

THE KIDS HAD ALL ENJOYED THEMSELVES ANOTHER JOB WELL DONE.

ON WAKING UP I TOOK THEM ALL TO GET SHOWERED AND WE ALL GOT CHANGED.

THE HEAVENS THEY HAD OPENED AND IT WAS BELTING DOWN WITH RAIN.

I RETURNED THE TENT TO THE OFFICE THE GUY SAID "HAD A GOOD NIGHT? "

I SAID OH! YES IT WAS LOVELY BUT  YOU NEED A PATROL ON THIS SITE.

IT'S FULL OF LAUGHING AND GIGGLING KIDS AND NUDE WOMEN WITH RUGBY BALLS

NOT REALY WHAT ONE WANTS ON A NIGHT I DON'T THINK AT ALL (HA)

HE LOOKED AT ME BEWILDERED SAID MADAM WE'VE NOT HEARD A SOUND.

I SAID WELL WHERE OUR TENT WAS PITCHED IT WAS LIKE A RUGBY GROUND.

WHEN YOU COME WITH WELL BEHAVED KIDS FOR A TREAT AND YOUV'E HAD A VERY LONG DAY.(hA)

THE LAST THING YOU WANT IS ALL THAT NOISE AND TO GET SOME SLEEP FOR NEXT DAY.

WITH THIS WE ALL SET OFF RUNNING OVER TOWARDS THE CAR.

WHEN SISTERS KIDS SHOUTED OUT AUNTIE KATH CAN WE COME AGAIN IT'S NOT FAR.(HA)

WE DIDN'T HAVE MUCH IN THEM DAYS BUT WE ALWAYS HAD LOTS OF FUN.

THERE ALL GROWN UP NOW AND MARRIED BOTH NEPHEWS AND MY ELDEST SON.

THEY NOW TELL THERE OWN KIDS ABOUT CAMPING AND ALL ABOUT HAVING A LAUGH

I'M HAPPY THEY HAVE GOOD MEMORIES OF CAMPING AND ALL OUR GOOD TIMES

AND  I CAN  WRITE ABOUT  THEM HERE IN 

"MY SIMPLE RHYMES "HA!

"CHERISH YOUR HAPPY MOMENTS"

"HAVE  A GREAT DAY LIKE WE DID. LOL!!!"